garden time

We've been so enjoying spending time outside in our garden (gardens!) lately, clearing space, weeding, sowing, planting, tending, trimming, supporting, watching. I'll post some new pics. soon. In the meantime, check out our most recent album for pics. of us all hanging out in our friends' gardens too! Here's one of Lilly in my friend Marte's garden (her garden is amazing and with transplants she's also been contributing to the growth of our garden):

We're all healthy by now, busy plugging ahead with work when we're not spending time with Lilly or in the yard or with house projects. Always something, of course. But it's all of the good kind. Leighton and I are both feeling a little wistful that our little baby is turning into a big independent girl who's now two to be any day. And I also find myself craving some just Leighton and me time, say out for sushi  or something like that. But then I feel terrible about wanting that, what with her birthday coming up and then father's day: it is now (as always...) about her. It's our anniversary June 30 and I hope we can do something special then, either as a family, or, if we're lucky, just the adults.

the way we were ... Barcelona spring 2009

spring sprung

I realize it's premature, but when you've been dealing with temps way below zero (hovering around minus 15 F, which is minus 25 C), a rise in temps to around 15 to 30 F (that's minus 10 to 1 C) makes it feel like spring is all of a sudden here.  Leighton and I have been delighted to be able to walk back and forth to the library again in what feels like balmy weather; seriously, I've even heard birds chirping. When it's also sunny, and the ground covered in white snow (while some of the ice on the roads is beginning to melt or get scraped off), things ain't looking so bad. I've been holding on to the comfort, light and scents of Christmas with the tree, decorations, and frankincense up till now, but today I got everything taken down and packed away after lunch, and we'll haul the tree out tonight when Leighton gets home.

Additionally, the night time weaning is going really well!! It'll have been a week tomorrow. I find that it's really the reassuring talking to Lilly about how the boobs need to go to sleep at night, they're so tired, sleep feels so good, and then they'll be so happy to see her in the morning, etc., is what's doing the trick. Because when she wakes up in the middle of the night now, she knows they're sleeping and she can't have them. She'll sometimes whine, and one or two times per night, she might stay awake for a little while. But even then, she's so much calmer, not squirming for one boob after the other, frustrated she's not finding complete satisfaction. Instead she finds comfort in being stroked, snuggling, and then she will ultimately fall asleep again on my arm. Last night she woke me up with a loud snore at one point, but I was able to drift back to sleep again soon after.

With more restful nights, I might soon be able to pick up Siri Hustvedt's What I Loved (2003) again. I started it, and I like it, but it's too dense for my exhausted brain to read right now in the evening. So I've gotten into another mystery of Tess Gerritsen, The Body Double (2004), a follow up to The Sinner (2003) which I read in Greece this past summer.

More rest has helped Leighton and I feel less overwhelmed with parenting. The exhaustion made us both prone to bickering for a stretch, now there's a sense of optimism and "we can do it" feeling between us. We've become more creative in terms of how to spend our time with Lilly when she won't nap, we've gotten even more socially pro-active, and we've been able to let go some of our hopes and expectations for alone or me time.

Lilly's happy as usual, nursing just as much during the daytime, she's now also taken on nursing her baby dolls. And she's getting more into solids, preferably when she can eat them herself. She's very proud of her new toddler knife, like mama and papa; she now gets to eat with a knife and fork. It all creates a big mess, of course, especially since she refuses wearing a bib (and when we have tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, like yesterday). But it's fun to watch too, and we're very proud of every spoonful she gets into her mouth.

unntakstilstand

In Norwegian, we have this term, "unntakstilstand." I can't think of an English equivalent (anybody want to suggest something?). Literally it means "state of exception." In the US, more drastic terms like "national state of disaster" or "emergency" are used.

Anyways. We're in the midst of one. Lilly woke up with a cold Christmas eve. After a couple of hours of childish grieving for the Christmas party we were supposed to have with our friends, Leighton and I pulled ourselves together, for the sake of Lilly and ourselves, and had a quite nice Christmas eve at our house, just the three of us. But then the days got long. Having to quarantine Lilly. And then the weather had us down and homebound too with snow, slush, and icy conditions. Then Leighton got sick too.

So now we all have rough nights, Lilly and Leighton because they're sick, I because I'm busy nursing and comforting Lilly. Last night, Lilly was awake from one a.m. till about four, coughing constantly. Around three, I finally was able to get some cough syrup down her throat, pour girl. And then she eventually settled down. Leighton was trying to sleep in the other room, having hard enough of a time on his own.

So we were quite the threesome when we met up for breakfast this morning, the three of us. That's when "unntakstilstand" enters. You're so crazy tired (all of us) and sick (Leighton and Lilly) or on the verge of getting sick (me), that you just crack up and get a little silly. The day just felt out of the ordinary (it must be, right???!!!), so you change things up. I got Lilly and I dressed quickly so we could drive our sick hubby/papa to the library this morning so he didn't need to walk there in this freakin' cold weather we're having now (which, by the way, looks absolutely stunning with blue sky, sunshine, moon still out, snow covered fields). Then we did our various errands. In and out of the car seat, me so tired I feel drugged, Lilly silly tired too, just lounging in her car seat, giggling when I take her in and out of it, gazing amusedly at the various things on the shelves in the stores. When she's like this, she loves cruising down isles in the cart, first the drug store, then the grocery store. Everything is just kind of like on a spin.

At home again, we settle down, I do the dishes, it's still only about 10 a.m. At the grocery store, I've picked up a copy of In Style, a fashion magazine. Haven't purchased a magazine like that in years. But today is different, we need to look at some glamour, feel that there's freshness and style out there (for by now I haven't showered in days). Lilly sits contently on my lap as we leaf through the magazine. Somehow it gets to be lunch time, and then after that I am, lo and behold!, able to put her down for a nap. Glory (and rest! if not sleep) to all.

Then Leighton's with her in the afternoon, I try to work a little in the study, they watch some Baby Einstein, listen to music and dance, read books, play with the new train, try to play with the play-doh, papa makes dinner. I work at home so Lilly has access to the boob every now and then; it's more urgently needed on a day like today.

This is our life. So goes another day. We have our dinner, which always involves teasing at least some food into Lilly, playing with food, water, cleaning up, running around, she wants to play. Then we (one of us) do play some with her while the other does the dishes. The one who's with her gives her a bath. Then it's time to brush teeth, settle down. And go to bed. Which I have the honor of accompanying her to do, seeing it's what she prefers. And it can be hard, a long hour of sucking and squirming and up and down and agony. Tonight was intense. But here I am now, on the couch, the Christmas tree all lit up, candles burning on the mantle piece, Leighton next to me. And I'm so ready to sleep... But first I want to savor this very moment. And the one below.

our christmas

Our Christmas turned out differently than planned; Lilly woke up with a nasty cold and so we had to cancel our plans with our friends. After shoveling and blowing snow all morning, Leighton took a bath with Lilly after lunch, which helped relieve some of her congestion. Then we kept her entertained for a while opening presents. And then we had some of the yummy meat balls and garlic mashed potatoes our friends had brought us (thank you!). With her congestion and not feeling well, Lilly's not been able to sleep well, neither during the day nor at night. She gets her best rest at night propped on my arm, snuggled up close to me.

Christmas day we played with Lilly's new toys (books, dvds, frosty, train set, puzzle, clothes, and more), went for a walk (in the wet snow/rain) so Lilly could get some rest in the stroller. That night she finally fell asleep in my arms while we were watching a movie (she would not go down any earlier.) Second day of Christmas we headed up to the mall (so Lilly could get some rest in the car...). Today she was finally able to nap in our bed again, for a good hour and a half. But it was still a long day... With all its precious moments too, of course. It's just hard seeing our girl so sick and tired, and now Leighton's gotten down with the cold too.

merry christmas! god jul!

                                                                
Tonight is "lille julaften" or "little Christmas eve," the night we'd always decorate the tree in Norway. We cheated and did it last Saturday instead. Lilly is mesmerized by it. By now, we've cleaned the house, written cards (sorry; those going overseas will be a bit late), wrapped presents, and stocked up on food and drink. We'll be celebrating Norwegian style with our friends Amanda and Matt (who's of Norwegian heritage) and their son Avery who's two and a half. Lilly and Avery play pretty well together now, so it should be fun for all! Since their house is bigger, we're having the party at their house. Amanda has already blogged about how excited (?!) she is to be cooking a  pork roast for the first time in her life (not to mention it being a Norwegian style one, "ribbe"!). We'll have all the traditional sides: the meat balls Matt grew up with, surkål (sour kraut that Amanda made this fall), brussel sprouts, lingonberry jam, potatoes, gravy, salad. Christmas ale and Linie akevitt to help the "ribbe" go down. And a berry cream (can't find multer here so I'll use a mix of red berries instead) with krumkaker for dessert (homemade by another friend of mine in town). Seven different kinds of cookies with coffee. But we don't get to indulge in those till we've sung seven different kinds of carols and danced around the tree after dessert. And then Santa may come with some presents for the children...

I feel so blessed to have our home, our friends, our child during this holiday season. Christmas is filled with so much nostalgia, such a sense of wonder, but also with wounds. Lilly puts a new spin on everything, her joy is a marvel to me!
And, to top it all off: it'll be a very white Christmas! We've already received lots of snow and now we're in the midst of a snow storm! Could be tricky to get even from here to Amanda and Matt's, but we'll make it!

Leighton and I also look forward to some quiet time at the house. Last year we had Christmas in Gran Canaria / Oslo, this year we're in Northfield, Minnesota. We've both submitted the written work that was due by end of this year. Since we got here in September, we've taken turns heading over to the Carleton College library in town to write (you can see us there in the above picture). Lilly's been at the City library almost every day for "classes" there: reading books, singing songs, playing with other children her age.

the nursing relationship, part II

When the going gets tough, I find comfort in sharing the truth. When I can name the worst of what's going on for me, I don't need to worry some inner tsunami will build up, erupt and wash me away. When I hear the truth of others, I feel we're not in such bad shape after all; we all struggle. At least, we're not the only ones who can say or do things we later find excruciatingly childish, hurtful, and embarrassing. So this past weekend, I spent Saturday afternoon skyping for two hours with a friend in Oslo, and then Sunday I went for a morning walk with a friend in town and then later we all went over to their house in the afternoon. It was a weekend of sharing, talking, crying, and laughing. It was a good weekend for us.

But, we're still painfully tired, at least Leighton and I; Lilly's her same chirpy and energized self, rising well before the sun. Then she also gets a lot of comfort at home base to kick off from. -- The nighttime weaning is going so-so: the second night went even better than the first; when Lilly wanted boob around 2 a.m., I told her the boob's asleep and she lied down again to sleep right away. The third night I forgot and, half-asleep, gave her the boob when she grabbed for it. Fourth night it seemed silly to stick to the time limits I'd decided upon. And last night she started crying when I said the boob's asleep. And I can't deal with that. Our friends suggested we react too strongly to Lilly's crying, maybe projecting our own wounded childhood memories of crying onto her. That all crying isn't necessarily coming from an unsafe hurtful place. That it can also be a way of venting, showing disapproval. There could be some truth to that. But we are who we are and need to work from that. Eventually last night, Leighton took her into the other bedroom, and last night she did find comfort in sleeping with him, in the nook of his arm, snuggled close to his body.

So as to avoid too drawn out of a thing before nap and nighttime, Lilly's (for) now on a late nap and late bedtime "schedule," with a lot of nighttime nursing, and a lot of daytime nursing and cuddling too. Someday we'll miss this, I know. Often I embrace this time to be so close, so needed, wanted, to be able to give her what makes her happy and feel safe. Other times, I bitch about it, feel stuck, un-free. Leighton asked me the other day, how I can be so angry sometimes over a decision I've chosen myself. It's an interesting question. For me, I think it has to do with the fact that it doesn't feel quite like a free choice. I'm not simply myself anymore, I'm also hers. So it's not really just my decision.

We're really looking forward to Thanksgiving break, which we'll be spending in Casper mountain, Wyoming, with Leighton's dad and his family, at a Bed & Breakfast lodge called Sunburst lodge. We're leaving tomorrow morning, back late Sunday night. I look forward to hanging out with family, soaking in the hot tub, walking in the mountains, - and Lilly will just love it! Being the socialite that she is. So the days will be fun for her, and thus also for us.

but they say it takes a village

[scenario: "she," a friend of mine, also the wife of "he." She's out of town for a conference, he's home alone with a baby-toddler boy. Following cut & pasted from facebook:]

(he): I don't think I have what it takes.
(other dad): You'd be surprised just how little it really takes.
(he): But sometimes what it takes is not compatible.

(he): I guess I also wonder if I should do whatever it takes.

(she): You DO have what it takes, of course you do!
(he): But they say it takes a village. I have something more like a hut, perhaps a yurt.

This little interchange made me smile, laugh, it's funny, and it's true. Our midwife told us about this research she'd read about, how people who live in shared community live longer. I crave adult contact. Today, the only person I spoke with "live" was my friend Nancy, for a couple of minutes, we dropped by her office, between classes. I can't really count the cashier at Cub's. And Leighton was via Skype.

When Lilly and I were in the park this afternoon, I saw two other "real" people there: the woman with the dog Lilly got to bark back at, and a Carleton student. Both talking on their cells. I was craving conversation with either (though I have no clue who they were), but they were so busy speaking on their cells.

Is this as good as it gets these days? I find myself, now that Leighton is gone, blogging, emailing, Skyping, chatting (online), facebooking, googling, etc., etc., more than when he's around to talk with. And it's not just to "waste" or "spend" time: I'm reaching out.

I think it's a little sad. Because in the morning, I wake up, and I don't feel 'filled' the way I do when I've spent an evening with people in person, unmediated by media. Of course, we're always separate, even when together, words never really bridge all that well, or sometimes they succeed ok. But there's an energy you can experience, without or despite words, when you're sharing space.

While I must confess to being sort of a loner, I also regret the way western culture today reinforces an individualistic form of living. Leighton and I have talked about how when we next move, we need it to be to somewhere we have friends, where we can build a community, a village.

attitudes

I was going to post something earlier this week about how everything depends on one's attitude. After a rough end of last week, we had a glorious sunny fall weekend and I woke up Monday to another (final, for now) nice day. I turned to Leighton and said, "last night wasn't so bad, huh?!" And he was like, what do you mean, she was so squirmy all night.

So, it's all about attitude.

Or is it?

Because the day after, it was clear to us, something is going on. A cold, the flu? No: teething. Her corner teeth are coming out, I can feel the swollen bumps, she keeps clenching her mouth, wrapping her lips over her teeth and kind of gnawing, grabbing her mouth with her hand, as if to rip it out, looking at us in agony, crying. Nothing helps. The teething rings, the homeopathic remedies. Still hurts, still can't sleep. So we caved in and got infant tylenol. And she got some rest. It's been five days now, and still no tooth. How much pain is she (and we...) going to have to endure before those darn teeth come through?

On another note, we still got some things done today. It was another spectacular fall day, Leighton cleaned the gutters, Lilly and I went to the library. Nancy Carlson was visiting to talk about her books, lots of parents and children there. For pics., see the library's blog post here. The distraction and getting out was good for Lilly and I. Then she almost fell asleep in the car home, though it was about two hours before her regular nap time. She slept, Leighton packed, I looked through notes.

When she woke up, I felt the day would never end. Leighton tried to Skype with her with his mom and grandparents, not so easy with an unhappy child. They watched Sesame Street. They played. Eventually Leighton went out and played with Lilly while I cooked.

Now she's sleeping and I can breath deeply again, we're trying to recover. Hope to see a DVD. Tomorrow Leighton will pack and Lilly and I will be outs and abouts, plan on going to an orchard for hayrides and more fun. Hopefully.

when the going gets tough

Let's face it: Leighton and I have been struggling with our roles as parents lately. It all came to a top these past couple of days. While Lilly is taking on new tasks every day (she's getting quite good with the puzzle works we got from Lori, leafing through pages & studying pictures in books we also got from Lori and then a stack from Marte--thank you both!, she's understanding tons of words and will got and get things we ask her for, like a book, a doll, a teddy bear, a cup, a spoon, her potty, etc., she's also saying many more days every day (including "bæsje, appelsin, bade" = poop, orange, bathe) and can mimic and connect animal sounds with pictures of animals, she's beginning to identify different body parts--like nose, mouth, eyes, arranging her little kitchen bench, gathering things in her little bag, emptying and filling it, etc., etc.), Leighton and I are struggling not to get bored while we're with her. We both prefer the library events M, Tu, F morning because then we get to interact with other parents while the kids play. W and Th are hard. You'd think we could manage just a couple of days to ourselves, but the hours get long.

So we began contemplating a nanny those two mornings.

But we can't afford it.

Which sucks.

We really look forward to having grandma Julie here, Leighton's mom. She'll be here for a week once Leighton returns from Norway. He'll be gone Oct. 26 - Nov. 5, then she arrives on the 7th. Julie's told us she looks forward to some bonding time with Lilly, and has also told us repeatedly to take advantage of her while she is here. We would really like to go out for dinner, just the two of us (Leighton and I) one night and will try to do that. We still haven't had a date like that. Only in January did my friend Helene stroll Lilly in the park one Sunday while we had lunch nearby. And then in June my friend Hege came over one evening and Leighton and I went out for some beer next door while Lilly slept. (Thanks, all you three!!)

I'm beginning to see why people like daycares. But we do feel it's best for Lilly to be with us till she's at last two (we were thinking three). Or, if we could afford it, another adult person that she could get attached to. I was reading how during the first couple of years, building attachment to a few adults (including parents, but not limited to) is of the utmost importance. My fear is that in daycares (unless it's small and with qualified staff) they don't get that.

Another thing that makes parenting a pain for me at times, is that I'm still the one who puts her down, seeing she likes the comfort of the boob and we don't want to try the cry it out method, or the Ferber-method (where the child also cries it out but learns to self-sooth). For some reason, it's taking Lilly a really long time to settle down for sleep, even when she's really tired. Typically, it takes around 45 min. to an hour, both for her afternoon nap and at night. That's a lot of time when to lie down with her, when you're eager to get other things done.

I try to think of it as bonding time with her, I do love the cuddling, and she is awfully sweet, especially when she falls asleep partly draping my body, or at least a foot on my hip. It's a drag when she's squirmy, kicks me, pulls on the boob and my hair.

On a lucky night, she's sleeping by 8 p.m. and Leighton and I get some time to do some of the things that accumulate in a house, study, read, and write some, maybe blog a little, or respond to some emails.

Many nights it's more like 8:30 or later, but she almost never goes later than 8:45.

She'll then sleep till midnight or so, though often she'll wake earlier, and need comfort, typically by me. And typically she won't let go of me then. The other night, when I blogged the below post, she woke up right as I was finishing it up, and wanted me. Many nights I surrender, don't get to brush my teeth or wash my face, I just lie there with her (because she won't let me get up again). But that night, I refused. I took her with me into the living room while I finished some things. And then we joined Leighton in bed around midnight.

But on a good night she sleeps from 8 till midnight, then she nurses, and then she nurses again at around 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. and around 6 a.m. or 6:30 a.m., and then we get up for breakfast. She naps from around 1:30 p.m. and for a couple of hours.

Recently, however, she's been nursing every hour at night, from midnight till morning. I think maybe she's teething? Or could it be all our moving around? Is she clinging to me as the world is changing constantly for her, now that she's developing at such an exponential rate as well?

Who knows. But it's best to surrender to it, have no ambitions, be thankful for the nights that are easier.

And for days like today. It's a gorgeous fall day. After lots of dark, rainy, cold days, we had some snow, even, today is sunny, fall colors radiant orange, deep yellow, rusty red. After yoga this morning, I raked with Lilly playing around. Then we went for a stroll down to the park, along the river, and by the "Used a bit shoppe" where Lilly picked out a doll. She was so proud of it, walked out the store with it in her arms, and since Rita, the doll we got from our Greek friend Irini in Apollonas this summer, is falling apart, I figured ... And it was only a buck. And Lilly's maternal instinct is blossoming these days, it seems. She loves the dolls in the library too. While she still really likes stuffed animals.


(Northfield, by the river)

After our stroll downtown, we walked home for lunch together, she was playing happily with her kitchen things while I finished eating, and then we lied down for her nap, and there she is now. I imagine we have another half hour to sit here with our computers, Leighton and I, before she wakes up. Leighton might clean the gutters, or wait till tomorrow. While Lilly and I were raking and out and about this morning, he was busy taking boxes with stuff from the office I had at St. Olaf College to the recycling dumpster, and while I was putting Lilly down, he took Greg's truck with our leaves to the compost ground. So now his back is hurting, my man struggles with a bad back. It's hard.

So hopefully weather will be good for yard work tomorrow too.

We also really look forward to visiting with Rachel, our midwife, tomorrow morning. I'm baking an apple cake later today or early tomorrow morning on that occasion.

That's it for now. I leave you with this video that I was watching thinking about Thursday and Friday night, when I felt that the going was getting tough. It made me feel a little better.

and the days go by...

While I can't muster the anger Leighton expresses below, I too feel the strike of fall. The all too sudden cold and darkness. The lack of energy. A heaviness in the body.

In the meantime, life goes on. Today, Lilly turned 16 months! Such a big girl. Thursdays I'm with her in the morning while Leighton works in the library. We went about our day as usual. After breakfast, Lilly likes getting ready with me in the bathroom. Then outside to rake some leaves and walnuts while it was sleeting (Lilly was very happy stomping around, sporting her new boots and raincoat) before a few errands: the grocery store for some cheese, meat, and grapes for our lunch sandwiches, the bakery for some yummy seeds & nuts bread, the liquor store for some dark beer, for some evening comfort. Around 10 a.m. we arrived at the library, Lilly's favorite daily activity, though she was a little disappointed to see the meeting room closed where on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays there are activities for children her age. But she's happy in the children's area in the main area of the library as well where there are also some toys and books for children her age in a designated (quite nice) area. I think I was the one who ended up missing the organized activity in the library's meeting room the most, because during those times I get to visit with a few adults (parents of the other children) that we're sort of building a relationship or community with. (That said, Lilly did go by the door to the meeting room one final time on our way out, as she had on our way in.)

Home for lunch, we're both happy to see Leighton again. Then I worked for an hour in the basement before putting Lilly to bed for her afternoon nap, which also took about an hour (like me, Lilly struggles to find sleep). But finally, when she's let go of the day's activities to rest a little, she sleeps a good couple of hours. After that, we have dinner, and then on Mondays and Thursdays it's Leighton's turn to go to yoga while I give Lilly a bath (Tuesdays I go for a walk and Wednesdays I go to yoga).

And so it was. And now Lilly is sleeping while Leighton and I are out here, in the living room, with candles burning, each of us with a Mac in our laps, each of us savoring a New Belgium "1554 Enlightened Black Ale." Each of us wishing we had a little bit more time to ourselves. And to each other.

fall equinox

Yesterday was fall equinox; and it definitely feels like fall here now. All of a sudden. Since we arrived here in Northfield on Sept. 1, we've enjoyed late summer time weather, sunshine, blue sky, balmy temperatures. I've been wearing short skirts and tank tops, Lilly's been in T-shirts and shorts, we've played in the baby pool, outside around the house, enjoyed on our porch. Then all of a sudden it got cooler, darker skies, shorter days, the evenings, nights and mornings feel almost chilly, the last couple of days I've worn jeans. When I walked home from the library the other day, fallen leaves were spinning in the air, blown around by the wind. I like fall too. Every season has its charm. We're still out on the porch at night, right now, it's a little after nine, Lilly's asleep, we're sipping this fall's first Oktoberfest, made by Surly Brewing Company, one of our favorite microbreweries (we prefer the Surly Furious, it's super hoppy and kind of flowery. But the Oktoberfest is a nice treat, dark and kind of nutty).

Yesterday also marks three weeks since we arrived and two weeks since we started taking turns working and being with Lilly. It was hard to get into the swing of things at first, a new routine, the writing mode. But now I'm really enjoying it. The time, either with Lilly or at the library, writing, editing, it goes by in a swish! Unfortunately, getting into the writing mode for me also means that my shoulders tense up, I get so darned caught up in the process, and so all of me becomes this bundle of concentrated energy. And then it starts to hurt. This afternoon when I was writing (while Lilly was napping), my shoulders hurt so bad I could tell my irritability was quickly rising.

But then I got to go to yoga this afternoon, after an early dinner. It felt so good, I almost cried. Yoga is like giving your own body a good massage, at least for me it is. I'm so grateful we're both getting to practice now. Leighton goes Monday night, then I go on Wednesdays, as well as Saturday morning. There's also a class Thursday night Leighton can go to. And Tuesday nights, I get to walk with Dee, witnessing and being with the changes that surround us, that we're in.

---

Lilly update: wants to do all we do, from eating what we eat (including my pita sandwich this afternoon, with goat milk yoghurt, turkey, cheese, grapes, and mustard. Another favorite is parmesan cheese; she likes it more than the noodles we dust it on. She also wants our coffees and my tea; I gave her a tea spoon taste today, she kept wanting more...), to unlocking doors with our keys, reading her new book from Marte, dancing to Raffi's songs, stomping around, running, not walking, mimicking our talk, doing her own talk, playing with other kids at the library, playing with her "baby" doll Rita, and of course playing with her dogs ("vov, vov!" her dogs are now plentiful: Eddy, Snoopi, Husky, and then there's bamse, and gopher, and pus-pus). She loves "swimming" in the bath tub and the baby pool outside (but now I think the season for that's over). Meeting other kids in the neighborhood ("heeeiiii!!!" w/big smiles). And other adults. And animals (she likes the ducks in the river, and whatever cat and dog she hears or sees, and birds. But she's not too interested in the squirrels, and there are plenty of those around.

transitioning to fall

(On the path, along the creek, humorously referred to as the "Av. Captain George," on an early morning walk, in the shade of the early fall clouds, visiting the goats)

"All endings/changes are sad, even though they're also good," wrote a dear friend to me a few days ago. We feel it. Summer is nearing its end, fall is in the air. There's a cooler breeze, at night we put long sleeves and pants on, it gets dark early, the village is emptying out. We harvest egg plants and zucchinis (from our hosts...), no more tomatoes or cucumbers, the figs are ripe and yummy, we receive grapes from friends of our hosts.

Lilly's gotten onto a new routine, suddenly going to bed early (8 p.m.), and then up early (7 a.m.), shorter siestas (sleeps from noon till two or so). Leighton and I have begun to give each other an hour each in the morning to work, then an hour each in the afternoon to do what we want. In just one more week we'll be heading back to the US: then it's back to work. We'll be taking half days each working and being with Lilly.

I'll miss life here: how easy it is in the morning to open the door to our apartment and greet the day. Let Lilly out on our patio, to witness the sunrise (it's beautiful, right in front of us, the sun rises from the water, between six thirty and seven, see pics. in our Greece album), bleat the goats (BÆ!) that graze right below our apartment. In the mornings we go for walks along the path by the creek to say hi to more goats, and the chicken (also documented in the Greece album...). She loves the chicken. Down into the village, locals and tourists having their morning coffee (she loves the people). Or longer walks up into the mountains, more goats and sheep too to see there, or down to the beach, which is, these days, more exciting later in the day, when there begins to be at least somewhat of a crowd, kids building sand castles, playing in the water, or others playing peak a boo with her, or ping pong with each other.

(Watching the goats and sheep up along the country road)

But I also look forward to our house in Northfield, Bridge square, walks along the river, into the Arboretum, the vast prairie landscape, the college campuses, having more or other things to do with Lilly: errands to different kinds of stores, the playgrounds in Northfield, having a car (we'll be buying an old Volvo from friends, thanks you two!), access to urban civilization when we crave it (though it tends to overwhelm us fast: last Thursday we took the bus into Chora (Naxos town) to do some errands (Leighton needed another book, I needed new flip-flops, and we needed to stock up on more groceries), and we were all very relieved to get home again at the end of the day. Though we also had some good times there, walking through old market, out to the ruins of the Dionysus temple sanctuary, lunch nearby) and last but for sure not least: seeing friends and family. Can't wait to have real conversations with people we connect with, visit over bbqs and coffee, or at Bridge Square, or in a back yard, or a park, or a playground... I look forward to practicing yoga at Heartwork Yoga studio again.

A friend in Norway told me how she had to keep track, in a calendar, of all the various activities in a day, each week, to make sure she got all the "fillers" in that she needed for her own well being (time to read, to exercise, boyfriend-girlfriend time, friends time, time to bake, to cook, to really be with all of her children, not just watch them, etc.): I get that. And I look forward to in a sense have more to "pick" from, especially in terms of time with friends. Just me, with a friend, over coffee. Or a beer at the Cow. Anytime. Call me up.

When we left Northfield, Lilly was 6 weeks: life will be quite different now, there, with her. But somethings don't change all that much. And can be all the more appreciated for that reason.

So much to share about our life here. Last Sunday we were invited to a traditional Greek wedding in a nearby village (picts. in our Greece album), which was amazing. We've become quite familiar with our hosts, Christina and Steljos (who invited us to come along to the wedding; incidentally, the groom is the brother of Vangelis, Irini's husband, Irini being the one who cut Leighton's hair and who has three girls Lilly likes to play with, I've also become good friends with Irini and went into Chora the other day with them, to run errands), Christina's and Steljo's daughter Flora who's been here some days on vacation; she's 29, a graphic designer, getting married to George, whose parents live next door to Flora's aptartmens. We take part in their family affairs; Christina has had to return to Athens abruptly to tend to her mother, we miss her. I feel badly for her; I like talking with her.

And we enjoy having time to read: so far I've read Ryszard Kapuscinski's non-fiction narrative Reiser med Herodot (Travels with Herodotus) which my editor recommended to me (and I can see why; I think the form of this book would be a good one for mine as well), Tess Gerritsen's mystery novel The Sinner (I never cared much for mysteries, especially Scandinavian ones, though they're reputedly quite good, maybe it's the social context, feeling too claustrophobic since it's so all too familiar? I loved how this one placed me in Boston, a city I really enjoyed visiting, with women my age, issues I could relate to), and now I'm reading John Fowles' The Magus which Leighton had brought (supposedly a modern classic, set in Greece, in the fifties, it's a long novel, but now I'm into it). After finishing The Magus, Leighton read then The Sinner (which we actually borrowed from Christina, somebody had left it here, we were starved for more fiction, so that's how we first got into it), and is now halfway through another brick of a mystery: The Likeness by Tana French. He's also hooked (we're half wondering if this is somehow indicative of our mental capacities now, as sleep-deprived parents... Though that sounds kind of snobbish.)

I appreciate this segue of slowly transitioning back to fall routines, with sharp pencils, crisp air, hopefully we'll be back in Northfield in time to have some corn on the cob. Writing is scary business, I dread it and look forward to it, every day. Having this forced limited time, because of Lilly, how we share the responsibility, it's very helpful. I know, at least, if I struggle, it'll only be for so long. And then some days it flows, other days I struggle, but something works out, or I struggle more than I work it out, but in any case, I have something that's mine, and mine only, to return to. A space. A "room" of my own.


(Summer ain't quite over yet)


(And life is so good!)

about love and marriage and the slowness of time in Apollonas

I wrote in an earlier post about how Leighton and I worried we might end up feeling too on top of each other in such a small village as Apollonas, in a village sheltered by the mountains, on the north east side of Naxos, a beige sandy beach, very fine sand, beautiful, but quite different from the white expansive sandy beaches people, with their turquoise water bleeding into dark blue, that most typically associate with Naxos. These beaches are located just south of Naxos town (Chora), on the west side of the island. But we’ve actually found that the peace and quiet of the daily rhythm of life here has been good for us. It helps that Lilly’s two-to-four hour long siestas (typically from 2 – 5 p.m.) provide us with lazy afternoons to ourselves. We typically read on our patio, or talk, journal, sip on cold beer, or lie down and rest on the bed in the living room.

Whereas Leighton has struggled a little feeling bored with all this time we have here, I’m finding myself waking up from the so-called ammetåka (“nursing fog,” or, as I like to call it, having a “mush brain”). I can tell now how truly tired I’ve been, as the primary care taker of Lilly. It’s been so wonderful but also extremely intense.

One thing most people don’t talk much about is how boring the labor of love can be (I’ve only found Anne Lamott describe it, in her Operating Instructions). How one must make sure to activate oneself with daily tasks and activities. Go for a walk, run some errands, meet a friend for coffee, go to friends with babies same age or have them come to your home, take baby to a baby swimming class, or mommy and baby gym class. When Lilly approached the age of one (which she did on June 15), things got a little more challenging; she’d get bored more easily and would require more in terms of feeling stimulated to play and explore.

Days in Apollonas
So coming here to Greece has been wonderful for me; everything is so easy with her here!! We can go for little walks around the complex, meet and interact with people right here at or by our home, there’s the dog, Dick (a spaniel of some sort), and now there’s a family with young children next to us, the youngest four months younger than Lilly. Of course, Lilly seems to prefer their older soon, who’s 10 years. We can also go visit with Irini (the girl in the village who cuts hair; she came to our home and gave Leighton a haircut for 10 Euros, and that’s how we got to know her: she’s 28 like Leighton and has three girls: Marina 4 yrs., Maria 2 yrs., and Nelfini 5 mos.). We have a quick three-minute walk down to the beach where we can walk along the edge and into the water, play with other kids (she loves watching how bigger boys make sand castles), play in the sand with her bucket and spade, or in the mud by the water, finding rocks, or playing in the water. She loves jumping up and down in it while I sing hoppe sa gåsa, danse sa reven, så hopper vi, så danser vi, så faller vi ned, og en-to-tre, opp og ned, opp og ned, opp og ned (“jump said the goose, dance said the fox, then we jump, then we dance, and then we fall down, and one, two, three: up and down, up and down, up and down”), or when I swing her from side to side in the water, singing ro, ro, ro din båt (“row, row, row your boat”).

For errands, we can go to the little mini-market (which is closed in the winter). There’s nothing of interest to us in the two tourist shops, but sometimes we get fresh soft goat cheese from Sofia who runs one of them (the other night, we saw her husband milk their goats, by hand, up in the mountains). Or we go to the butcher, Giorgio, to buy his hard goat cheese (we’ve also tried his pork meat, but not his goat meat); he’s in his shop from around eleven till noon. I asked Christina if anyone sells chicken; she explained that just a few years ago, the people here would keep chicken and goats and more, but now they are old, can’t keep up with the work, instead they help their family who come in during the summer to do business on tourism (I do find this a little sad). There’s no bakery (or bank, post, pharmacy, or other typical shops; also no laundry service, so the other day I had to do a big load by hand, in the big basin-like-bucket we got for this purpose, and hang outside to dry; really made me appreciate the work women have put into this labor for millennia), but at noon the baker Petro comes into the village with his van stocked up with freshly baked bread (now in the summer he comes every day, in the winter only three days a week). We typically get some every day; it’s quite the experience, standing there with all the old women, crowding together for bread. There is a school, for children ages six to twelve or so; next year it’ll house about 10 children, total. That’s a big up from a few years ago when there were years with just one or two. Apparently, in the fifties and sixties, people left this village for Athens, to find work, five out of ten million people (the population in Greece) live in Athens, but now many are coming back to the land of their ancestors, perhaps they’re seeking a simpler way of living, the way Leighton and I are too.

Since Leighton and I take turns giving each other an hour in the morning to work, I also have more frequent and dependable time to myself. And then of course plenty of time while Lilly sleeps in the afternoon to rest and read. And be with Leighton. In the evenings, we all go for walks, it’s cool enough by then to walk up in the mountains, and so beautiful.


(Anne and Lilly, out on an evening walk, up by the Kouros)


(Leighton and Lilly, up in the mountains)

For Leighton, on the other hand, the change has been from long days to himself at the Ibsen center or the University library (leaving home around 8:30 a.m., returning at either 5 or 5:30 p.m.), reading, writing, attending seminars and lectures, except for some mornings when he’d be home with Lilly while I went to the gym. Lilly would go to bed earlier in Norway than here (more like 7 p.m. as opposed to 9:30 p.m.), so he’d have evenings to read or watch a movie or a show (while I would often be busy putty Lilly to bed or going back in to comfort her).

Relationship
There are gains for Leighton too, however, in being here. A big one is that I now have more time and energy to talk with him. For us to talk. When he approached me this past winter to talk through some of the many things he was going through (becoming a dad, moving to a new country with a foreign language, not having any friends, the dissatisfaction with his graduate school program (Master in Ibsen studies), homesickness for friends and life in the US, among other), I had to tell him I simply couldn’t do it. I was too tired at the end of the day to give him much at all. That made him feel hurt, and me feel sad.

So for us as a couple it’s been amazing to have this time to reconnect, with me somewhat recharged. I feel also that we’re now becoming more of the co-parents we’ll be in the US and Norway next year. Taking turns being with her. And when we’re both with her, it feels like we’re both taking our fair share attending to her needs. Of course, we’re in this new phase now because Lilly is ready for it too; in the beginning, she really did show a clear preference for my body, being comforted by me. There are still times where she prefers me for comfort, in particular at night, or when she’s very tired or out of it, but generally I feel she’s drawn to both of us for comfort and play, she loves papa and mama.

We’re also in this new phase because I’m ready to let go; while I realize I’ve had some resentment built up, feeling Leighton didn’t fully see how much laid on me last year, I also know that I haven’t been ready to let him enter that space I’ve had with Lilly till just recently. Our final month in Norway, between when he turned in his final paper May 22 and we moved here on June 25, was an awkward time of transition. As was our first couple of weeks here in Greece. We argued a lot, so much pent-up stuff that needed to get processed. It’s so good that we got to go through all of that. And now, also because I’m in a place where I can think beyond the daily care of Lilly, when we have time alone, we can actually talk, really talk, about things, big things, that we’re thinking about. Like what to do with our lives, how do we want to live them. What do we want to do, and where. We’re reminded of how connected we are in this way, how comforted and excited we are, talking with each other, soul mates, best friends, lovers, spouses, co-parents. Our love life has been blessed by renewed sparks this way too. Connecting us further. And who knows, maybe we’ll be able to conceive a little sibling for Lilly. While we’ve been here in Greece, we’ve come to the conclusion that we would love for her to have a sibling close in age.

Rhythm of life here
So the slow rhythm of life in Apollonas is very good for us, at least during this time in our life. We’re not following a very Greek way of doing things though; people here go to bed late (around midnight, children as well as adults), slow mornings (except for those with babies who wake early), some coffee and milk, then loud talk and play at home, swim and play at the beach, before a big meal between two and five, then dinner around ten. We, on the other hand, get up by eight, have breakfast, before one person gets to work for an hour, the other plays, go for visits, or walks with Lilly, maybe goes to the beach with her, or we all go together, before lunch around noon or one, then siesta, dinner around six, then walking and playing around home, going for a stroll in the village and/or the mountains, home for a snack, a bath for Lilly, then Lilly sleeps (after we’ve read Sjøvenner ("Sea friends") through and through, maybe played some dress-up (her new favorite game),


(All of us playing hat-dress-up)

given kisses to bamse (her favorite teddy bear, a pink one at that), and her stuffed animal dog, Eddy, and then if we’re lucky, Leighton and I get a final short hour to have a final glass of wine on our patio before we join her in bed and all sleep like babies. (A note on the wine here: the local wine of this area is very sweet, red, and very strong, more like a sherry. I asked Irini which island makes the best wine, between Naxos and Paros, and she, whose father is from here, while her mother is from Paros, answered that no doubt the wine in Paros is better (she added that the potatoes and cheeses here are better). Paros has the wineries in Naoussa (north on the island). She said it’s beautiful there, but we didn’t get to go. Christina has given us some local wine that is a bit too sweet and strong for our liking (though Christina doesn’t find it sweet and strong enough!). Fortunately, when we went to the supermarket in Naxos town, Chora, on Leighton’s birthday, when we went there to stock up, having a rental car for the day and all, we found some of the cheap, but decent wine from Paros, and we stocked up on that.

on this day in May

we hung out around the house, the apartment we're renting, that is, cleaned it, packed, got organized. We all woke up around 7 (late for us, Lilly and I, at least), after a good night of rest. I made oatmeal for us all, a wholesome start to the day. But this has also been a sunny gorgeous day, and like her mama, Lilly just can't stop going very easily when it's like this. So ecstatically bright and beautiful outside. Yesterday she had power naps here and there, today just 1/2 hour in the stroller when I took her for a walk, up and around Sognsvann, when she couldn't find rest in bed (typically she has a good 2 hrs. nap in bed during the day). But 1/2 hr. is better than no rest at all, and it's a win-win situation for the both of us when she has to sleep like that, on the roll: she gets some much needed rest, I get some exercise and sunshine.

Leighton and I realized only later in the day, when a good friend called to say her sweetheart just proposed to her, that we were supposed to have gotten married, for the second time, this same day, last year, at Valley Grove church, Northfield, Minnesota, to have the chance to celebrate our love, our life, our decision to spend it together, with friends and family there. But then we found out about Lilly and our plans changed...

Leighton in front of Valley Grove, last year on this day in May, the day we were supposed to get married there.

lovely bypåske (city-Easter)

After a couple of nights at my parents' cabin, we returned to Oslo on Thursday where the snow is melting rapidly now, crocuses are peeking through, and the birds are singing. It's so lovely! Easter in the city is amazing in Norway; everyone is at their cabin, skiing and snacking on oranges and chocolate, leaving the city quiet in an almost surreal (but extremely peaceful) manner. We went for a stroll in the castle park (Slottsparken) on Friday and then out on the pier and along the water front (Aker Brygge) yesterday, basking in the sunshine. Tomorrow we leave for Barcelona. Rain is in the forecast down there, but I look forward to seeing more of spring.

Lilly's finally healthy again after a long cold with a nasty cough and extremely snotty nose. She still has a wheeze in her lungs, especially when she whines (and she does seem to have entered a new phase of whininess. I must quickly add though that she also continues to strike everyone as an extremely content and happy baby).

Leighton's posted lots of photos in our album, documenting our trip up to the cabin. Also some from Easter here in Oslo, including this one of Leighton and Lilly at åpent bakeri by the castle park, across from the new literature house (Litteraturhuset), and more to come from our lovely sunny springy bypåske.

spring has sprung! and a new stage in life begins...

Spring has finally sprung, lots of snow on the ground still, but everyday we can notice it receding on the lawn in front of our building. It feels so good to walk on bare asphalt again, and this morning I noticed some hestehov peeking through on my way home from the gym. In February, I wrote about how spring makes me feel so light and high; though I'm not quite there yet, there is something about this time of the year that makes me feel so exceedingly excited. Yet the body is still sluggish, struggling to shake off the heaviness of winter. Maybe it's spring allergies as well, a dull headache in the front of the head.

It's Easter week and tomorrow we'll be heading up to my parents' cabin in the mountains. Then next Monday we fly down to Barcelona for a week. Last week we had a little roadtrip through the heartland of Norway (through Telemark via Kongsberg, Notodden, Skien and Porsgrunn on day I, then along the coast of Vestfold via Stavern, Larvik, Tønsberg, and Holmestrand on day II).

Here I am with Lilly in front of what used to be my grandmother's house (in Porsgrunn):


We're also looking ahead to our trip back to the States this summer to pack up my office and our house, and our move over to Eidfjord, a small town in the innermost part of the Hardanger fjord where my dad has a house he inherited from his sister. We'll be staying there next year, taking turns writing and watching Lilly. St. Olaf did not grant me an extension of my leave, so I quit. I don't want to return to the excessive work hours of a place that does not support my time to write and do research. We'll be sad to be gone from friends there, and there's so much in the States we're homesick for (I have a list of things I look forward to doing while we're back this summer!). So I'm glad we'll be keeping (at least) one foot solidly planted there; what with all our friends and family there. Since I first moved to the States, back in 1995, I've been so happy to have two homes. It makes me feel richer (and less claustrophobic).

We've put our house in Northfield on the market and hopefully it will sell okay. We hope to make enough money on it (or at least not loose any!) so we can buy a used car over here.

Lilly has three teeth now, is a very quick crawler, and loves getting herself up into standing position, holding on to whatever. She'll play peekabo forever, and loves it if we mimic her by shaking our heads when she does so. She laughs often, and it's a very contagious laughter.

happy holidays, happy new year!

Hope you're all enjoying this holiday season and the rounding off of the old year. We're enjoying "romjula" (the week between Christmas eve and New Year's Eve) in Oslo where it's cold and no more snow, but cozy inside and on short brisk walks outside. We had a couple of nice weeks in Gran Canaria earlier this month, relaxing in our apartment, by the pool, or strolling along the beach walk. Here we are on one of those walks, one of our first days there (for more pics., check out the album).

As New Year's Eve approaches, we get all nostalgic, looking back on 2008. It has been a big year for us!

Anne went from being an overworked prof at St. Olaf to being a happy stay-at-home mama for Lilly here in Norway. I haven't forgotten completely about work though; this month I got a publisher for my book, which I hope will help grant applications this spring. I've applied for another year off from St. Olaf and look forward to actually writing the book next year after trying out some ideas for its format this spring.

Leighton has been thrown into life as an expat in Norway where he's getting at least some good use of the Norwegian language studies he completed at St. Olaf last year (new year's resolution for the both of us is to speak more Norwegian together). He's thriving in grad school, enjoying the (at times quite dense and always ample) reading in particular. He has focused his thesis project and its title is: "The Garden Party: 'Intimate Spaces' in Ibsen's Love's Comedy."

Lilly turned half a year while we were on Gran Canaria this past month and has started eating solids (we're talking tea spoons here). Banana and avocado for now (she's not so fond of either). She's finished beginning and advanced baby swimming courses, talks a lot ("ng" and "ablablabla"), loves to play on the floor, explore the world and other babies, and listen to mama singing. She still prefers to sleep snuggled up with mama, but has begun to sleep more by herself in her crib.

desember

December is a big month for us: Lilly will turn half a year on Dec. 15; she'll celebrate her first Christmas; take her first trip to the Canary islands. -- On Monday, we re-introduced her to the BOB stroller; she'd almost outgrown her pram and was eager to get a better view of the world (a side note on strollers: here in Norway, everyone uses a pram for their newborns, babies even lie in them in cars, with a security net sort of attaching the top part of the pram--the basket--to the back car seat. In the US, we didn't even consider a pram but went with the car seat everyone seems to be using for their newborns there, either putting it on wheels to make it into a stroller as such, or using it as an adapter in a jogger for bigger children).

She still loves riding in the BabyBjørn, but that can get a little heavy. Plus it's not practical when it's raining or snowing, - which it started doing again this week. So now we're also getting good use of the BOB weather shield we finally got shipped over here (thanks, Blake and Rick!).

Here's Lilly, first day in her "new" stroller on Monday:


And here again, yesterday in the snow:


This week, we also introduced Lilly to a high chair. She was very happy finally joining us around the table! She'll be even happier when she can get her hands on some of the food we're always eating:


Leighton's finishing his first semester of grad school. On Tuesday we went out to celebrate the top grade he received (an A) on one of the three papers he has due this month.

Here's Leighton with Lilly at Mikrobryggeriet (the only place in town you can get a decent beer) celebrating with a stout.


I've been enjoying connecting more with a few of the women in my "barselgruppe" (mommy group, set up by the local health station). We meet every week now at somebody's house and share our thoughts and experiences while our babies play together/explore each other on the floor.

Lilly will be finishing up her intermediate baby swimming course this month, just in time to show off her moves in Gran Canaria. We'll be staying at a place called Cay Beach in Las Meloneras. We'll return to Oslo for "romjula" and new year's eve celebration here.

p.s. I've also added more pictures to our album Norway II.

foggy day

It's an incredibly foggy day outside, matching my foggy head. Lilly was awake much of last night, at least from 4 a.m. and onwards (I realize we're spoiled to complain about this). Her stomach seems a little upset, but at least she's getting it out... She's napping now, and it's Friday, which is the day I make pizza. I'm really getting in to cooking and baking these days, now that I have the time for it, and Lilly loves to watch.

This morning, I mustered what I had left of energy and went to the gym. I was gone for an hour and a half; that's the longest I've been gone from Lilly so far. I had a blast moving to the music on my ipod! Leighton's met me at the gym a few times this fall and watched Lilly while I work out a bit, but this was the first time he's stayed home with her while I was gone doing my thing.

Lilly had her 5 month check-up at the health station yesterday; she's 7,555 kilos (16.656 pounds) heavy and 65,5 cm (25.8 inches) long. I can't believe she'll turn 5 months tomorrow; it makes me so happy but also wistful seeing her play so contentedly and independently on the floor all by herself. As a dear friend wrote to me, That's one of the things sad & wonderful, how they grow up to be their own persons & they stop being all yours.

On another note, or back to the foggy note, we're spending two weeks in December on the Gran Canary island with my Danish friend Kristian and his wife Line and their two little girls. We'll be showing off Lilly's skills (from baby swimming lessons) in the pool, or the ocean (if it's not too rough). And I'll be soaking in the sunshine as much as possible. The days are getting really short here now. On the upside, we live up on a hill facing the little of sun that is to be received. On a clear day, we can even see some of the Oslo fjord from our kitchen and living room windows.