We returned late last night from a very nice Thanksgiving break out in Wyoming. It was a long day of traveling, but even on 4 hours of sleep (on me), it went quite well. Lilly's such a great traveler. And we all got a good night of rest last night in our own comfy bed. Lilly woke up so happy to be home again; I think we all were. It's that Norwegian saying, borte bra, hjemme best (good to be away, best to be home).
Today started out with great expectations: I've gained, uhm, a few pounds lately and have been feeling some nausea. So this morning I took a pregnancy test. Negative. Turns out the extra pounds and the nausea are caused by a little too much good food lately. Of course, I haven't yet had a period yet since before I was pregnant with Lilly. What with all the frequent nursing still, that all makes sense. But we got a little excited about the possible family expansion. As I said to Leighton yesterday; we can't be that exhausted if we're still excited about the possibility of that!
Anyway, it was nice to be back in the library, working, and then as the day went on, I got to thinking that the best scenario, if we could plan these things, would be to get pregnant after we're back in Norway and I'm done with my book and the promotion of it, and onto the next one (which I'd like to be on parenting/mothering). So ideally next fall or winter sometime. By then we'd also maybe like to have Lilly in barnehage (preschool), which would allow both Leighton and I time for part time jobs as well, while also giving us time to write. Of course, you can't plan for things like these. Especially when you've already been told, like I was, that you can't conceive naturally. But we can hope. So we'll do that. Dream and hope. And enjoy what we have.
Nov 30, 2009
Nov 24, 2009
the nursing relationship, part II
When the going gets tough, I find comfort in sharing the truth. When I can name the worst of what's going on for me, I don't need to worry some inner tsunami will build up, erupt and wash me away. When I hear the truth of others, I feel we're not in such bad shape after all; we all struggle. At least, we're not the only ones who can say or do things we later find excruciatingly childish, hurtful, and embarrassing. So this past weekend, I spent Saturday afternoon skyping for two hours with a friend in Oslo, and then Sunday I went for a morning walk with a friend in town and then later we all went over to their house in the afternoon. It was a weekend of sharing, talking, crying, and laughing. It was a good weekend for us.
But, we're still painfully tired, at least Leighton and I; Lilly's her same chirpy and energized self, rising well before the sun. Then she also gets a lot of comfort at home base to kick off from. -- The nighttime weaning is going so-so: the second night went even better than the first; when Lilly wanted boob around 2 a.m., I told her the boob's asleep and she lied down again to sleep right away. The third night I forgot and, half-asleep, gave her the boob when she grabbed for it. Fourth night it seemed silly to stick to the time limits I'd decided upon. And last night she started crying when I said the boob's asleep. And I can't deal with that. Our friends suggested we react too strongly to Lilly's crying, maybe projecting our own wounded childhood memories of crying onto her. That all crying isn't necessarily coming from an unsafe hurtful place. That it can also be a way of venting, showing disapproval. There could be some truth to that. But we are who we are and need to work from that. Eventually last night, Leighton took her into the other bedroom, and last night she did find comfort in sleeping with him, in the nook of his arm, snuggled close to his body.
So as to avoid too drawn out of a thing before nap and nighttime, Lilly's (for) now on a late nap and late bedtime "schedule," with a lot of nighttime nursing, and a lot of daytime nursing and cuddling too. Someday we'll miss this, I know. Often I embrace this time to be so close, so needed, wanted, to be able to give her what makes her happy and feel safe. Other times, I bitch about it, feel stuck, un-free. Leighton asked me the other day, how I can be so angry sometimes over a decision I've chosen myself. It's an interesting question. For me, I think it has to do with the fact that it doesn't feel quite like a free choice. I'm not simply myself anymore, I'm also hers. So it's not really just my decision.
We're really looking forward to Thanksgiving break, which we'll be spending in Casper mountain, Wyoming, with Leighton's dad and his family, at a Bed & Breakfast lodge called Sunburst lodge. We're leaving tomorrow morning, back late Sunday night. I look forward to hanging out with family, soaking in the hot tub, walking in the mountains, - and Lilly will just love it! Being the socialite that she is. So the days will be fun for her, and thus also for us.
But, we're still painfully tired, at least Leighton and I; Lilly's her same chirpy and energized self, rising well before the sun. Then she also gets a lot of comfort at home base to kick off from. -- The nighttime weaning is going so-so: the second night went even better than the first; when Lilly wanted boob around 2 a.m., I told her the boob's asleep and she lied down again to sleep right away. The third night I forgot and, half-asleep, gave her the boob when she grabbed for it. Fourth night it seemed silly to stick to the time limits I'd decided upon. And last night she started crying when I said the boob's asleep. And I can't deal with that. Our friends suggested we react too strongly to Lilly's crying, maybe projecting our own wounded childhood memories of crying onto her. That all crying isn't necessarily coming from an unsafe hurtful place. That it can also be a way of venting, showing disapproval. There could be some truth to that. But we are who we are and need to work from that. Eventually last night, Leighton took her into the other bedroom, and last night she did find comfort in sleeping with him, in the nook of his arm, snuggled close to his body.
So as to avoid too drawn out of a thing before nap and nighttime, Lilly's (for) now on a late nap and late bedtime "schedule," with a lot of nighttime nursing, and a lot of daytime nursing and cuddling too. Someday we'll miss this, I know. Often I embrace this time to be so close, so needed, wanted, to be able to give her what makes her happy and feel safe. Other times, I bitch about it, feel stuck, un-free. Leighton asked me the other day, how I can be so angry sometimes over a decision I've chosen myself. It's an interesting question. For me, I think it has to do with the fact that it doesn't feel quite like a free choice. I'm not simply myself anymore, I'm also hers. So it's not really just my decision.
We're really looking forward to Thanksgiving break, which we'll be spending in Casper mountain, Wyoming, with Leighton's dad and his family, at a Bed & Breakfast lodge called Sunburst lodge. We're leaving tomorrow morning, back late Sunday night. I look forward to hanging out with family, soaking in the hot tub, walking in the mountains, - and Lilly will just love it! Being the socialite that she is. So the days will be fun for her, and thus also for us.
Nov 15, 2009
socializing
Wednesday night Leighton and I finally got our date night. Except for a lunch out in January when my friend Helene took Lilly for a stroll in a nearby park, and one late evening in June when our friend Hege came over and we went out for a couple of late night beers (Lilly didn't go down till nine or so that evening), Leighton and I haven't had a real date yet. So this week when Leighton's mom was here, we really wanted to have a night out. We tried Tuesday; no luck. Lilly did not want to go to bed and by the time she did, it was too late for us to go out. Wednesday she fell asleep by 6:55 p.m; we were out of the door by 7:10 p.m. We went to the Indian restaurant Chapati, our favorite restaurant in town. We had vowed to eat slowly, to really enjoy not having to down the food as fast as possible. However, we were both really hungry, and so we didn't manage to eat too slowly, but we still really enjoyed eating uninterruptedly and while the food was still warm! We were done by 9 p.m., and seeing all seemed calm on the home front, we went over to the Contented Cow, a pub owned by the same British guy who owns Chapati, and had a drink there by the fireplace. We struck up a conversation with a nice elderly man who sat there, talked a lot about Lilly ... And ourselves. Shared stories. It was really nice.
Then last night I had my first sleepover since June, when I had my very first night away from Lilly when Hege and I headed over to her mom's empty apartment for the night with a kilo of shrimp, a couple of baguettes, some cava and white wine. Yesterday afternoon I headed up to Saint Paul for a ladies' night out: tiny bubbles and appetizers at my friend Stephanie's house in the Cathedral Hill neighborhood, dinner after that at La Grolla's around the corner on Selby (I had a delicious seafood pasta dish and some of that velvety petit syrah we shared), and then the four of us finished off the evening back at the house with more red wine and chocolate cake from Cafe Latte. This morning I met another friend at Nina's Coffee Cafe on top of Garrison Keillor's bookstore, Common Good Books.
It was so lovely to have this time to visit with friends, to be out and about in town and city, soak in some of the flair of urban living.
And then it's so good to come home after that. On my way home, I stopped by Cafe Latte for some yummy organic ten grain bread and Trader Joe's to stock up on affordable wholesome groceries, got back to the house at a quarter till noon, just in for lunch. Lilly was so wound up, we were so excited to see each other again, she didn't go down for a nap till 2:45 p.m.
Then last night I had my first sleepover since June, when I had my very first night away from Lilly when Hege and I headed over to her mom's empty apartment for the night with a kilo of shrimp, a couple of baguettes, some cava and white wine. Yesterday afternoon I headed up to Saint Paul for a ladies' night out: tiny bubbles and appetizers at my friend Stephanie's house in the Cathedral Hill neighborhood, dinner after that at La Grolla's around the corner on Selby (I had a delicious seafood pasta dish and some of that velvety petit syrah we shared), and then the four of us finished off the evening back at the house with more red wine and chocolate cake from Cafe Latte. This morning I met another friend at Nina's Coffee Cafe on top of Garrison Keillor's bookstore, Common Good Books.
It was so lovely to have this time to visit with friends, to be out and about in town and city, soak in some of the flair of urban living.
And then it's so good to come home after that. On my way home, I stopped by Cafe Latte for some yummy organic ten grain bread and Trader Joe's to stock up on affordable wholesome groceries, got back to the house at a quarter till noon, just in for lunch. Lilly was so wound up, we were so excited to see each other again, she didn't go down for a nap till 2:45 p.m.
Nov 10, 2009
the things you got to have
if you're Lilly, include:
So finally, last week, I got a couple of outdoors plastic children chairs, $1 each; she loves them! She'll sit on them, haul them around, climb on them, place her baby dolls and stuffed animals in them ...
(Lilly also loves computers; grandma Julie brought her an old keyboard to play with; a big success.)
(As you can see, she also loves carrying mama's purse; she has a purse of her own, but the real thing is so much more fun... In her purse she carries a set of plastic keys, a plastic cell phone, and now also a real cell phone (with no service but lots of bling), courtesy grandma Julie.)
(Lilly's shoes on the shoe mat we all used to share, by the kitchen door entrance, next to her kitchen counter. Missing are a pair of green slippers she already outgrew/wore out.)
- a chair
So finally, last week, I got a couple of outdoors plastic children chairs, $1 each; she loves them! She'll sit on them, haul them around, climb on them, place her baby dolls and stuffed animals in them ...
(Lilly also loves computers; grandma Julie brought her an old keyboard to play with; a big success.)
- a stroller
(As you can see, she also loves carrying mama's purse; she has a purse of her own, but the real thing is so much more fun... In her purse she carries a set of plastic keys, a plastic cell phone, and now also a real cell phone (with no service but lots of bling), courtesy grandma Julie.)
- Shoes:
(Lilly's shoes on the shoe mat we all used to share, by the kitchen door entrance, next to her kitchen counter. Missing are a pair of green slippers she already outgrew/wore out.)
- Books
Nov 8, 2009
in the nick of time
Turns out Leighton got home just in the nick of time; I was feeling really tired Friday morning, as was Lilly. Impossible to recover from a cold when also taking care of a sick baby whose nights are interrupted by coughing fits. These last couple of mornings I've been getting some rest in the morning while Leighton's with Lilly. This morning his mom was also here with her (she got in late last night): I can see while some like generational homes. It's really helpful to have another adult here to play with Lilly and help take care of her. It's a mild sunny day and we're all heading to the park now to play at the playground.
Nov 5, 2009
last day just Lilly and mama
It'll have been two (work) weeks that it's been just Lilly and I when Leighton gets back tomorrow, Friday (he left on a Monday, two weeks ago this coming Monday). While of course I look forward to seeing him again, and the time I'll be getting again now for my stuff (I'm supposed to get full as opposed to half workdays next week, which also coincides with Leighton's mom's visit: Julie, I hope you realize this and don't think I'm just rude when I take off every morning while you're here!). I can tell though that I'm also sort of dreading giving up this routine Lilly and I got going, or at least I'm anxious how what we now have nailed down, what of it that works, will be upset, changed. In particular the meals and sleep routines; I love how we got those kind of figured out in a calm way now. She's eating more too, more solids, for all three meals. We eat lunch and dinner earlier, and she goes down earlier for nap and in the evening. She started going down for her nap earlier before Leighton left too; because she wasn't feeling well, we think, maybe also the days getting shorter, because she'd go to bed earlier too. It's really nice in the evening how she'll go down around six now and it only takes half an hour from we're done with dinner, teeth brush and face & hands washed till she's asleep.
It really has also been an adventure to be just Lilly and I, and I always love an adventure, to see just how much I can do! That we both got sick on top of being alone just made me feel all the stronger.
Last night was another rough night; Lilly kept waking up from coughing fits. Then around 4 a.m. I noticed her pajama, both bottom and top, were soaked with pee (as was my pillow that she was lying on). So of course I had to change her, and after that she couldn't sleep again. So we had another long day ahead of us. But it turned out a smooth day, a good day. We read books (first thing she wants to do now), ate breakfast (she had lots of oatmeal and banana), watched the Baby Einstein DVDs. I showered, then pumped (now with more time in the morning, since I'm not rushing off for work, I have pumped almost every morning, storing up for some time off...). Then Lilly pooped (she said "do"! I wasn't sure at first, we typically just see it in her face, or she poops right away in the morning when she goes to the potty to pee; I love it if this is a new more advance cue! Sometimes she'll also point to the bathroom or walk out there. But today I was in the living room pumping and she walked up to me and said "do." ). I finished pumping, because I thought maybe she was also trying to say an animal sound or something, or "dog?" But she says "dog!" more with an emphasis, not in the questioning manner. And as I was wondering if she wanted to poo, it was clear something was on its way... We rushed to the bathroom, and a little turd was indeed on its way, but we got it all into the potty, lots of poop. She sat there contently, on her potty, reading her books, as she pooped. I love it.
Then we ran errands (Cubs for groceries, Wallgreens for more cold meds, bakery for bread) and home for lunch around 11. Done by 11:30, Lilly slept by 12:05. Slept two good hours while I had some time to work. I felt so tired, but for me the urge is typically to get some of my things done, sleep rarely tops the list, I am an experienced insomniac after all (I think I almost benefit some from that now...).
Lilly wanted out almost right away after her nap (after reading Goodnight Moon a couple of times first, it's so cool how she's into all her books these days. Thanks Marte and Lori for giving them to her!). I was so tired, I can tell I am more tired from being just me with her (the required attention), it's more like last year (I remember the afternoons being in particular challenging), and from us both being sick. Heading out felt so good! And she was so happy! Strolled down to Central Park, she played at the playground. I was dreading leaving when time would come for that, the unhappiness... But after 45 minutes, she decided she was done. She just walked off the park, turned around and said "bye" to the playground. I followed with the stroller, she walked beside me, all the way down to Division st. And then along Division st. to Bridge square, but by then I was getting tired of having to be so vigilant with her downtown, what with the traffic, and so I put her in the stroller. Fortunately, I'd brought snacks (bread and apple) which prevented unhappiness due to the "restriction," having to sit down. She was actually really happy on the way home.
Got home around 4:30, we'd been out for an hour and a half. Got food ready, fed her while I prepared it, she ate quite a bit, bread, grapes, some turkey and cheese, cucumber. She was so tired by 5:30, I asked if we should brush teeth, she went straight to the bathroom, but cried when I did brush them (how can we make this a positive experience???). She slept by 6:09. I hope tonight goes more smoothly for her.
Leighton called around 6:30, he's having a layover in Chicago now, we didn't talk much, I'm afraid of making sound, that might stir Lilly. Dishes are done now, it's almost 7:30, I'll have some time to read, relax. I've tidied up, lit the candles, it feels peaceful here (and hopefully it'll stay that way, unlike yesterday evening).
I was so proud of Lilly at the playground and look forward to having Leighton back and his mom here (she arrives Saturday night) to show off! She can climb up and slide down the big (but not the biggest) slide on the playground all by herself now! She did it endlessly, tirelessly today. So fun! At least she got lots of exercise. She's such a brave, strong girl. I love it. And then way she walked, almost ran, next to me, understanding not to veer from the sidewalk or take a left or a right if we weren't heading that way, hold my hand when we crossed a street, unless it seemed safe (she prefers to walk all on her own).
I'm also glad we didn't have to go through rush hour traffic this afternoon to pick up Leighton, Lilly wouldn't have been very happy in the car either, and it would have made it difficult to have dinner and get her in bed by her usual (new usual) time. It'll be good to go get papa in the morning tomorrow (he's spending the night by the airport, at his uncles'). As soon as we're done with our morning routine, we'll head out and drive up there, we'll all be fresher, we can be home for a leisurely lunch and some playtime maybe, and then Lilly can nap, and Leighton and I can talk, reconnect, he can unpack, get laundry set, we can organize all the things he brought over for us from Norway, some of our winter gear, books and notes, etc. I look forward to all of that, our day and evening tomorrow, we'll have fresh fish from the co-op for dinner and I got a film on DVD from the library for us that we can watch when Lilly is in bed.
Update: less than 2 minutes after I posted this, Lilly coughed herself awake. Looks like I'll be Florence Nightingale this night also.
Update II: So Lilly slept 1 1/2 hour, awoke from coughing, awoke after another half hour from coughing, then after 10 minutes, 5, 2 ... In the end she was so distraught, her cough sounds terrible, all she wants is to sleep and yet it hurts so much. I don't blame her; my chest hurts too now, yet my cough isn't nearly as bad as hers. In the end I just held her in my arms, sat in the living room with her for a bit, then turned off all the the lights in the house, went into our bedroom with her, lied down, made no attempts to leave the bed. Whenever she coughed, she could settle more quickly with me right there. The night nurse.
Now soon off to get Leighton home.
It really has also been an adventure to be just Lilly and I, and I always love an adventure, to see just how much I can do! That we both got sick on top of being alone just made me feel all the stronger.
Last night was another rough night; Lilly kept waking up from coughing fits. Then around 4 a.m. I noticed her pajama, both bottom and top, were soaked with pee (as was my pillow that she was lying on). So of course I had to change her, and after that she couldn't sleep again. So we had another long day ahead of us. But it turned out a smooth day, a good day. We read books (first thing she wants to do now), ate breakfast (she had lots of oatmeal and banana), watched the Baby Einstein DVDs. I showered, then pumped (now with more time in the morning, since I'm not rushing off for work, I have pumped almost every morning, storing up for some time off...). Then Lilly pooped (she said "do"! I wasn't sure at first, we typically just see it in her face, or she poops right away in the morning when she goes to the potty to pee; I love it if this is a new more advance cue! Sometimes she'll also point to the bathroom or walk out there. But today I was in the living room pumping and she walked up to me and said "do." ). I finished pumping, because I thought maybe she was also trying to say an animal sound or something, or "dog?" But she says "dog!" more with an emphasis, not in the questioning manner. And as I was wondering if she wanted to poo, it was clear something was on its way... We rushed to the bathroom, and a little turd was indeed on its way, but we got it all into the potty, lots of poop. She sat there contently, on her potty, reading her books, as she pooped. I love it.
Then we ran errands (Cubs for groceries, Wallgreens for more cold meds, bakery for bread) and home for lunch around 11. Done by 11:30, Lilly slept by 12:05. Slept two good hours while I had some time to work. I felt so tired, but for me the urge is typically to get some of my things done, sleep rarely tops the list, I am an experienced insomniac after all (I think I almost benefit some from that now...).
Lilly wanted out almost right away after her nap (after reading Goodnight Moon a couple of times first, it's so cool how she's into all her books these days. Thanks Marte and Lori for giving them to her!). I was so tired, I can tell I am more tired from being just me with her (the required attention), it's more like last year (I remember the afternoons being in particular challenging), and from us both being sick. Heading out felt so good! And she was so happy! Strolled down to Central Park, she played at the playground. I was dreading leaving when time would come for that, the unhappiness... But after 45 minutes, she decided she was done. She just walked off the park, turned around and said "bye" to the playground. I followed with the stroller, she walked beside me, all the way down to Division st. And then along Division st. to Bridge square, but by then I was getting tired of having to be so vigilant with her downtown, what with the traffic, and so I put her in the stroller. Fortunately, I'd brought snacks (bread and apple) which prevented unhappiness due to the "restriction," having to sit down. She was actually really happy on the way home.
Got home around 4:30, we'd been out for an hour and a half. Got food ready, fed her while I prepared it, she ate quite a bit, bread, grapes, some turkey and cheese, cucumber. She was so tired by 5:30, I asked if we should brush teeth, she went straight to the bathroom, but cried when I did brush them (how can we make this a positive experience???). She slept by 6:09. I hope tonight goes more smoothly for her.
Leighton called around 6:30, he's having a layover in Chicago now, we didn't talk much, I'm afraid of making sound, that might stir Lilly. Dishes are done now, it's almost 7:30, I'll have some time to read, relax. I've tidied up, lit the candles, it feels peaceful here (and hopefully it'll stay that way, unlike yesterday evening).
I was so proud of Lilly at the playground and look forward to having Leighton back and his mom here (she arrives Saturday night) to show off! She can climb up and slide down the big (but not the biggest) slide on the playground all by herself now! She did it endlessly, tirelessly today. So fun! At least she got lots of exercise. She's such a brave, strong girl. I love it. And then way she walked, almost ran, next to me, understanding not to veer from the sidewalk or take a left or a right if we weren't heading that way, hold my hand when we crossed a street, unless it seemed safe (she prefers to walk all on her own).
I'm also glad we didn't have to go through rush hour traffic this afternoon to pick up Leighton, Lilly wouldn't have been very happy in the car either, and it would have made it difficult to have dinner and get her in bed by her usual (new usual) time. It'll be good to go get papa in the morning tomorrow (he's spending the night by the airport, at his uncles'). As soon as we're done with our morning routine, we'll head out and drive up there, we'll all be fresher, we can be home for a leisurely lunch and some playtime maybe, and then Lilly can nap, and Leighton and I can talk, reconnect, he can unpack, get laundry set, we can organize all the things he brought over for us from Norway, some of our winter gear, books and notes, etc. I look forward to all of that, our day and evening tomorrow, we'll have fresh fish from the co-op for dinner and I got a film on DVD from the library for us that we can watch when Lilly is in bed.
Update: less than 2 minutes after I posted this, Lilly coughed herself awake. Looks like I'll be Florence Nightingale this night also.
Update II: So Lilly slept 1 1/2 hour, awoke from coughing, awoke after another half hour from coughing, then after 10 minutes, 5, 2 ... In the end she was so distraught, her cough sounds terrible, all she wants is to sleep and yet it hurts so much. I don't blame her; my chest hurts too now, yet my cough isn't nearly as bad as hers. In the end I just held her in my arms, sat in the living room with her for a bit, then turned off all the the lights in the house, went into our bedroom with her, lied down, made no attempts to leave the bed. Whenever she coughed, she could settle more quickly with me right there. The night nurse.
Now soon off to get Leighton home.
Nov 4, 2009
papa?
I haven't noticed too much of a difference in Lilly with Leighton being gone, except her heightened level of independence. She does love to Skype with him, and will say "papa?" when she sees the phone or computer, especially the computer, when she'd like to see and Skype with him.
But this afternoon, before we headed out for our errands, we were having a little snack (a latte: Lilly likes the foam..., some banana and grapes), it cleared up a little outside, and I said: look, how nice! But this confused Lilly; maybe I had the same voice as when I tell her, look, papa is home. So she looked out through the porch door where we'll see Leighton return home on his bike, park it in the garage, and then come to the house. She lifted the sheers aside and asked "papa?" with anticipation in her voice. When I said no, not now, but tomorrow, her lip started shivering, she looked as if she'd cry. I explained, first we need to eat dinner, then sleep, and then papa will be here (that's not entirely true, since he returns later in the day, but I was trying to make the concept of time somewhat more tangible). She looked out again, pointed, "papa?" lip still trembling. It was so heartbreaking!
I started wondering then if maybe her wiredness has also been a result of less groundedness at home now, what with Leighton gone. That it feels different to her, unntakstilstand. Which allows for some wacko behavior. Who knows. Maybe it is also just being sick and overtired.
Leighton's flight is schedule to arrive tomorrow, Thursday, at 3:32 p.m. Which should bring us all home around 5 p.m. for dinner (I'm making Mexican, Leighton's favorite, I think).
Update: due to snow in Oslo, Leighton's flight was delayed and he's been rerouted, won't come home till very late this evening. Hopefully he can spend the night at his uncle Blake & Rick in Bloomington and then we'll come get him tomorrow (Friday) morning.
But this afternoon, before we headed out for our errands, we were having a little snack (a latte: Lilly likes the foam..., some banana and grapes), it cleared up a little outside, and I said: look, how nice! But this confused Lilly; maybe I had the same voice as when I tell her, look, papa is home. So she looked out through the porch door where we'll see Leighton return home on his bike, park it in the garage, and then come to the house. She lifted the sheers aside and asked "papa?" with anticipation in her voice. When I said no, not now, but tomorrow, her lip started shivering, she looked as if she'd cry. I explained, first we need to eat dinner, then sleep, and then papa will be here (that's not entirely true, since he returns later in the day, but I was trying to make the concept of time somewhat more tangible). She looked out again, pointed, "papa?" lip still trembling. It was so heartbreaking!
I started wondering then if maybe her wiredness has also been a result of less groundedness at home now, what with Leighton gone. That it feels different to her, unntakstilstand. Which allows for some wacko behavior. Who knows. Maybe it is also just being sick and overtired.
Leighton's flight is schedule to arrive tomorrow, Thursday, at 3:32 p.m. Which should bring us all home around 5 p.m. for dinner (I'm making Mexican, Leighton's favorite, I think).
Update: due to snow in Oslo, Leighton's flight was delayed and he's been rerouted, won't come home till very late this evening. Hopefully he can spend the night at his uncle Blake & Rick in Bloomington and then we'll come get him tomorrow (Friday) morning.
opp og ned
After the apparent upward turn, starting Sunday night, with better appetite and rest for both Lilly and I, Lilly had a rough night again last night, lots of cough and snot, now colored a dark yellow (it's been clear till now). Yikes. I regret not putting her down for a nap yesterday morning instead of going to the library. I blame myself for thinking it'd be nice to fill the morning with activities and then have some of the afternoon filled by nap time for her slash time for me to work, when she did seem so tired by 10 a.m. already.
Anyway, we've been up since 4 a.m., Lilly doesn't have much of an appetite this morning, she's been eating banana and oatmeal the previous couple of mornings. We've played in the kitchen, read books (Lilly loves to leaf through them and she LOVES when I do the dogs' barking as we read Sandra Boynton's Doggies book). Mostly, Lilly's been playing with her new chair this morning. I got her a couple plastic outdoors children chairs yesterday, $1 each, she's been wanting a chair to sit on. She'll sit on it, sit baby down in it, push it around like a stroller, climb on it, you name it. She's very happy with it.
We've watched Baby Einstein's half hour long "Baby da Vinci from head to toe;" today Lilly pointed to her eye and said "øye," that made me happy. Because mostly she repeats in English, though I always add the terms in Norwegian.
Now we're watching the other half hour long Baby Einstein DVD we have checked out from the library; "Neighborhood Animals." Lilly always says "dog," I'm afraid, though I try, I do, to have her say "hund."
She's also begun to do the head, shoulder, knees and toes along with the da Vinci DVD. We do it together. It's what I get of exercise these days.
Update: Lilly got infant ibuprofen at 6 a.m. and eventually perked up, ate all her oatmeal, enjoyed the warm bath (didn't want to get out), ate lots for lunch (we had an early lunch, around 11 a.m.: Lilly ate tomato soup with bread, pasta shells, pickled cucumber, and orange). Now, if only she could wind down a little ... She's so spun up and tired and sick. It's kind of surreal to be around her right now. Especially seeing I feel kind of spin-spunny myself, with so little sleep and still a little sick.
Update II: Lilly did finally fall asleep for her nap: I let her cry. -- I did! I left the room, we were both exhausted. Ten she started crying. One minute, two, three: then she slept, I opened the door, she was draped over the pillow (she likes to sleep with her head up now, with the congestion). Don't know if I'll try it again though, I think her level of exhaustion today was a factor. Anyways, I knew she'd be able to have her regular two hour nap, or maybe even longer, seeing she didn't nap yesterday, but one hour into her nap the monthly severe weather alarm test went off as it always does, first Wednesday of every month. And of course it woke her up! I was able to settle her again. But then a cough attack totally awoke her. Poor little girl. She was so tired this afternoon. And so much snot, just constant! and such a bad cough. We did a couple of errands after we had played some, read lots of books, Skyped with papa. She enjoyed being out of the house. We went to Fireside Orchard and picked out some apples (the seconds are a good deal! We got some Haralson); she got her own bag and carried some to the cashier and then to the car, she was very proud of that (as was I). Her good mood lasted through dinner (she had a little cheese, a few noodles, one or two bites of tomatoes, one piece of lettuce, not much). Then she walked to the bathroom, time for toothbrush! Which she resents, but she knew it was time. She fell asleep by 5:30 p.m.! I only hope this doesn't mean we get up at 3:30 a.m. tomorrow.
Anyway, we've been up since 4 a.m., Lilly doesn't have much of an appetite this morning, she's been eating banana and oatmeal the previous couple of mornings. We've played in the kitchen, read books (Lilly loves to leaf through them and she LOVES when I do the dogs' barking as we read Sandra Boynton's Doggies book). Mostly, Lilly's been playing with her new chair this morning. I got her a couple plastic outdoors children chairs yesterday, $1 each, she's been wanting a chair to sit on. She'll sit on it, sit baby down in it, push it around like a stroller, climb on it, you name it. She's very happy with it.
We've watched Baby Einstein's half hour long "Baby da Vinci from head to toe;" today Lilly pointed to her eye and said "øye," that made me happy. Because mostly she repeats in English, though I always add the terms in Norwegian.
Now we're watching the other half hour long Baby Einstein DVD we have checked out from the library; "Neighborhood Animals." Lilly always says "dog," I'm afraid, though I try, I do, to have her say "hund."
She's also begun to do the head, shoulder, knees and toes along with the da Vinci DVD. We do it together. It's what I get of exercise these days.
Update: Lilly got infant ibuprofen at 6 a.m. and eventually perked up, ate all her oatmeal, enjoyed the warm bath (didn't want to get out), ate lots for lunch (we had an early lunch, around 11 a.m.: Lilly ate tomato soup with bread, pasta shells, pickled cucumber, and orange). Now, if only she could wind down a little ... She's so spun up and tired and sick. It's kind of surreal to be around her right now. Especially seeing I feel kind of spin-spunny myself, with so little sleep and still a little sick.
Update II: Lilly did finally fall asleep for her nap: I let her cry. -- I did! I left the room, we were both exhausted. Ten she started crying. One minute, two, three: then she slept, I opened the door, she was draped over the pillow (she likes to sleep with her head up now, with the congestion). Don't know if I'll try it again though, I think her level of exhaustion today was a factor. Anyways, I knew she'd be able to have her regular two hour nap, or maybe even longer, seeing she didn't nap yesterday, but one hour into her nap the monthly severe weather alarm test went off as it always does, first Wednesday of every month. And of course it woke her up! I was able to settle her again. But then a cough attack totally awoke her. Poor little girl. She was so tired this afternoon. And so much snot, just constant! and such a bad cough. We did a couple of errands after we had played some, read lots of books, Skyped with papa. She enjoyed being out of the house. We went to Fireside Orchard and picked out some apples (the seconds are a good deal! We got some Haralson); she got her own bag and carried some to the cashier and then to the car, she was very proud of that (as was I). Her good mood lasted through dinner (she had a little cheese, a few noodles, one or two bites of tomatoes, one piece of lettuce, not much). Then she walked to the bathroom, time for toothbrush! Which she resents, but she knew it was time. She fell asleep by 5:30 p.m.! I only hope this doesn't mean we get up at 3:30 a.m. tomorrow.
Nov 3, 2009
got guts
My friend Amanda just posted in her blog ("no guts, no glory") about how we mamas, while we may seem soft at times, really are the ones who have the guts to run the world, and yet we don't. Hear, hear! I feel like one very gutsy mama these days. True, Sunday was rather long to get through, sleep deprived and sick, with Lilly sick too, but we did it. Monday was better already, and we had things to do. The library in the morning, the park in the afternoon, sunshine outside. Lilly was feeling great, and I was already feeling better too.
Today started off even better yet, though we got up at 5, but the night was calm, and we had things to do. A visit at 8:30, library at 10, sunshine outside. But then, sure enough, Lilly got overtired and so was not able to go down for a nap, spinning around all wired instead. Now that I'm feeling better, I was really looking forward to getting some work done while she'd sleep, or maybe even some crunches. What I miss the most right now is time to work and time to exercise. And then she just couldn't sleep. Like last Thursday after the ladies luncheon; she had gone beyond.
So, we hit the road. And she fell asleep. I figured we might as well run some errands. She slept for half an hour or so, then she woke up as we pulled over for our first errand. She was not very happy after that. Symbolically, it gets really windy and starts to rain, it's mean outside, and it's no better being inside of the car, the way Lilly's behaving in her car seat at this point. But I'm staying calm, I know she's just really tired, everything hurts more.
It's tough for a while, but then, as she crashes early, it's all calm. And then I get busy, executing all those tasks.
We mamas do rule. And we should get more credit for it. In that outside political world.
For more as to why, check out Ann Crittenden's The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued and The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter by Katherine Ellison. This last one was recommended to me by my friend and fellow mama Lori, and it really speaks to Amanda's post about how we mamas are perceived as "soft," and yet we're not. Just. We're not mush brains; we're excelling at multitasking and multimaneuvring with a multidispersered attention ability.
Today started off even better yet, though we got up at 5, but the night was calm, and we had things to do. A visit at 8:30, library at 10, sunshine outside. But then, sure enough, Lilly got overtired and so was not able to go down for a nap, spinning around all wired instead. Now that I'm feeling better, I was really looking forward to getting some work done while she'd sleep, or maybe even some crunches. What I miss the most right now is time to work and time to exercise. And then she just couldn't sleep. Like last Thursday after the ladies luncheon; she had gone beyond.
So, we hit the road. And she fell asleep. I figured we might as well run some errands. She slept for half an hour or so, then she woke up as we pulled over for our first errand. She was not very happy after that. Symbolically, it gets really windy and starts to rain, it's mean outside, and it's no better being inside of the car, the way Lilly's behaving in her car seat at this point. But I'm staying calm, I know she's just really tired, everything hurts more.
It's tough for a while, but then, as she crashes early, it's all calm. And then I get busy, executing all those tasks.
We mamas do rule. And we should get more credit for it. In that outside political world.
For more as to why, check out Ann Crittenden's The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued and The Mommy Brain: How Motherhood Makes Us Smarter by Katherine Ellison. This last one was recommended to me by my friend and fellow mama Lori, and it really speaks to Amanda's post about how we mamas are perceived as "soft," and yet we're not. Just. We're not mush brains; we're excelling at multitasking and multimaneuvring with a multidispersered attention ability.
Nov 1, 2009
all saints day
Lilly and I are officially both sick with the common cold. She of course has been on and off struggling with teething and discomfort the last couple of weeks or so. But now she's coughing like an old man slash former smoker while I'm sneezing galore and have a really sore throat. We both have snot running out of our noses like crazy. So we're quite the pair. I was actually a little surprised she seemed so out of it this morning because her night was pretty good (she slept from 7:30 - 00:30, ate and coughed some, then slept again till 3:45 or so, same routine then, and then again till 6). Which was actually 5, seeing we had to set the clock one hour back. So up we got, done with breakfast and our two Baby Einstein DVDs (she's getting rather musical by watching/interacting with these; brings out her little piano now (in addition to puzzle works and books and toys and stuffed animals to match what she's seeing on the screen) and plays quite well, I must say!) by 7 a.m. Now whereas she slept like an angel in between her cough bouts last night, I was up nursing a sudden onset of extremely sore throat (you know, when it cuts like several knives in there), stuffy nose, and achy body, with Cloraseptic, nasal spray, tylenol, and hot cider. Couldn't find comfort even after all that to sleep. So I was so tired this morning. And so was she.
I had a hot shower and gave her a long warm bath, we both enjoyed our water treats, and it helped clear our nostrils some. Then we ran errands, sparkling water at Cubs (I love how it feels when my throat is sore!), kleenex at Target (!), and fruits etc. at the Coop. Home for an early lunch (a can of chicken noodle soup and turkey sandwiches; Lilly ate some cheese and turkey, threw the noodles slick with broth on the floor, sigh). Nap (90 minutes), downtime (60 minutes), Skype with papa (30 minutes).
It's 3 p.m. and very nice out by now. Lilly is whiny, it hurts all over, for her, and for me, we're both so out of it. But we head out, it's good to be outside. Lilly wants to bike her tricycle, which she can't, she's too little, and I don't have the energy to lean over (and have snot coming out all the time), pushing her. I suggest we go for a stroll; she wants a ride in the car. I told her we already used the car today, time for some fresh air. In the end, she points to the stroller with a sigh, ok, then. And on we go for a little afternoon stroll in a suddenly very balmy sunny weather. Sunshine, no winds, 60 F. Downtown and back again, slowly, it's a good half hour.
By now it's time to make dinner: tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Lilly eats lots of ham, cheese and tomato soup with bread! Oh, and pickled cucumbers (good ones, from Trader Joe's). After tomatoes, tomato soup and tilapia (fish) are her favorite food items these days. She's into Ts I guess.
She's suddenly very happy being home again after our time out, plays in her kitchen while I do the dishes. And then it's time to brush teeth and get ready for bed (I figure her body is still on yesterday's clock). And sure enough, she sleeps by 6, which was 7 yesterday.
Oops, was just about to post this as she stirred, needed comfort, coughing and tooting (she might have eaten all that food a tad bit too fast???). Really hard to comfort a baby when you need to sneeze so bad it's insane. I never got this: how can a nose be sneezy and runny while also being so stuffy you can't breath? I mean, I just don't see how stuffiness goes with watery creeks coming out of your nose, so that you're still left panting, breathing through your mouth, like a dog. Just a technicality, anyway.
I had a hot shower and gave her a long warm bath, we both enjoyed our water treats, and it helped clear our nostrils some. Then we ran errands, sparkling water at Cubs (I love how it feels when my throat is sore!), kleenex at Target (!), and fruits etc. at the Coop. Home for an early lunch (a can of chicken noodle soup and turkey sandwiches; Lilly ate some cheese and turkey, threw the noodles slick with broth on the floor, sigh). Nap (90 minutes), downtime (60 minutes), Skype with papa (30 minutes).
It's 3 p.m. and very nice out by now. Lilly is whiny, it hurts all over, for her, and for me, we're both so out of it. But we head out, it's good to be outside. Lilly wants to bike her tricycle, which she can't, she's too little, and I don't have the energy to lean over (and have snot coming out all the time), pushing her. I suggest we go for a stroll; she wants a ride in the car. I told her we already used the car today, time for some fresh air. In the end, she points to the stroller with a sigh, ok, then. And on we go for a little afternoon stroll in a suddenly very balmy sunny weather. Sunshine, no winds, 60 F. Downtown and back again, slowly, it's a good half hour.
By now it's time to make dinner: tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Lilly eats lots of ham, cheese and tomato soup with bread! Oh, and pickled cucumbers (good ones, from Trader Joe's). After tomatoes, tomato soup and tilapia (fish) are her favorite food items these days. She's into Ts I guess.
She's suddenly very happy being home again after our time out, plays in her kitchen while I do the dishes. And then it's time to brush teeth and get ready for bed (I figure her body is still on yesterday's clock). And sure enough, she sleeps by 6, which was 7 yesterday.
Oops, was just about to post this as she stirred, needed comfort, coughing and tooting (she might have eaten all that food a tad bit too fast???). Really hard to comfort a baby when you need to sneeze so bad it's insane. I never got this: how can a nose be sneezy and runny while also being so stuffy you can't breath? I mean, I just don't see how stuffiness goes with watery creeks coming out of your nose, so that you're still left panting, breathing through your mouth, like a dog. Just a technicality, anyway.
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