Let's face it: Leighton and I have been struggling with our roles as parents lately. It all came to a top these past couple of days. While Lilly is taking on new tasks every day (she's getting quite good with the puzzle works we got from Lori, leafing through pages & studying pictures in books we also got from Lori and then a stack from Marte--thank you both!, she's understanding tons of words and will got and get things we ask her for, like a book, a doll, a teddy bear, a cup, a spoon, her potty, etc., she's also saying many more days every day (including "bæsje, appelsin, bade" = poop, orange, bathe) and can mimic and connect animal sounds with pictures of animals, she's beginning to identify different body parts--like nose, mouth, eyes, arranging her little kitchen bench, gathering things in her little bag, emptying and filling it, etc., etc.), Leighton and I are struggling not to get bored while we're with her. We both prefer the library events M, Tu, F morning because then we get to interact with other parents while the kids play. W and Th are hard. You'd think we could manage just a couple of days to ourselves, but the hours get long.
So we began contemplating a nanny those two mornings.
But we can't afford it.
Which sucks.
We really look forward to having grandma Julie here, Leighton's mom. She'll be here for a week once Leighton returns from Norway. He'll be gone Oct. 26 - Nov. 5, then she arrives on the 7th. Julie's told us she looks forward to some bonding time with Lilly, and has also told us repeatedly to take advantage of her while she is here. We would really like to go out for dinner, just the two of us (Leighton and I) one night and will try to do that. We still haven't had a date like that. Only in January did my friend Helene stroll Lilly in the park one Sunday while we had lunch nearby. And then in June my friend Hege came over one evening and Leighton and I went out for some beer next door while Lilly slept. (Thanks, all you three!!)
I'm beginning to see why people like daycares. But we do feel it's best for Lilly to be with us till she's at last two (we were thinking three). Or, if we could afford it, another adult person that she could get attached to. I was reading how during the first couple of years, building attachment to a few adults (including parents, but not limited to) is of the utmost importance. My fear is that in daycares (unless it's small and with qualified staff) they don't get that.
Another thing that makes parenting a pain for me at times, is that I'm still the one who puts her down, seeing she likes the comfort of the boob and we don't want to try the cry it out method, or the Ferber-method (where the child also cries it out but learns to self-sooth). For some reason, it's taking Lilly a really long time to settle down for sleep, even when she's really tired. Typically, it takes around 45 min. to an hour, both for her afternoon nap and at night. That's a lot of time when to lie down with her, when you're eager to get other things done.
I try to think of it as bonding time with her, I do love the cuddling, and she is awfully sweet, especially when she falls asleep partly draping my body, or at least a foot on my hip. It's a drag when she's squirmy, kicks me, pulls on the boob and my hair.
On a lucky night, she's sleeping by 8 p.m. and Leighton and I get some time to do some of the things that accumulate in a house, study, read, and write some, maybe blog a little, or respond to some emails.
Many nights it's more like 8:30 or later, but she almost never goes later than 8:45.
She'll then sleep till midnight or so, though often she'll wake earlier, and need comfort, typically by me. And typically she won't let go of me then. The other night, when I blogged the below post, she woke up right as I was finishing it up, and wanted me. Many nights I surrender, don't get to brush my teeth or wash my face, I just lie there with her (because she won't let me get up again). But that night, I refused. I took her with me into the living room while I finished some things. And then we joined Leighton in bed around midnight.
But on a good night she sleeps from 8 till midnight, then she nurses, and then she nurses again at around 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. and around 6 a.m. or 6:30 a.m., and then we get up for breakfast. She naps from around 1:30 p.m. and for a couple of hours.
Recently, however, she's been nursing every hour at night, from midnight till morning. I think maybe she's teething? Or could it be all our moving around? Is she clinging to me as the world is changing constantly for her, now that she's developing at such an exponential rate as well?
Who knows. But it's best to surrender to it, have no ambitions, be thankful for the nights that are easier.
And for days like today. It's a gorgeous fall day. After lots of dark, rainy, cold days, we had some snow, even, today is sunny, fall colors radiant orange, deep yellow, rusty red. After yoga this morning, I raked with Lilly playing around. Then we went for a stroll down to the park, along the river, and by the "Used a bit shoppe" where Lilly picked out a doll. She was so proud of it, walked out the store with it in her arms, and since Rita, the doll we got from our Greek friend Irini in Apollonas this summer, is falling apart, I figured ... And it was only a buck. And Lilly's maternal instinct is blossoming these days, it seems. She loves the dolls in the library too. While she still really likes stuffed animals.
(Northfield, by the river)
After our stroll downtown, we walked home for lunch together, she was playing happily with her kitchen things while I finished eating, and then we lied down for her nap, and there she is now. I imagine we have another half hour to sit here with our computers, Leighton and I, before she wakes up. Leighton might clean the gutters, or wait till tomorrow. While Lilly and I were raking and out and about this morning, he was busy taking boxes with stuff from the office I had at St. Olaf College to the recycling dumpster, and while I was putting Lilly down, he took Greg's truck with our leaves to the compost ground. So now his back is hurting, my man struggles with a bad back. It's hard.
So hopefully weather will be good for yard work tomorrow too.
We also really look forward to visiting with Rachel, our midwife, tomorrow morning. I'm baking an apple cake later today or early tomorrow morning on that occasion.
That's it for now. I leave you with this video that I was watching thinking about Thursday and Friday night, when I felt that the going was getting tough. It made me feel a little better.
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