the wonders and lessons of labor

Our midwife Rachel showing us a rainbow of hope on the first evening of a three-day long labor


Many have winced when they hear about my 64-hour long labor. But when I think back on the experience, it's not with a sense of dread, but with a sense of awe and amazement. There were times when I felt disappointed things weren't moving ahead more quickly or easily, yet throughout it all I felt strong and empowered. When it was time to start pushing, after 63 hours, I felt so victorious! Pushing was immensely rewarding. Between contractions I told everyone in the room that if it's a girl, we should name her Victoria, for victory, after my grandmother (her middle name). But when Lilly was born, she looked too delicate for such a grand name; she looked more like a Lilly. Feminine, but strong. When I was a a little girl, my grandmother would tell me stories about another little girl, called Lilly. Our little daughter reminds me of that girl.

My long labor was a lesson that some good things come in their own sweet time. I've always taken pride in being quick, efficient, and independent. But during my long labor I had to be patient, and I ultimately had to accept the gift of help. Everyday with Lilly I've been needing to ask for help. I've been needing to be patient too, but that's been harder. It's difficult to sink into Lilly time; in the back of my mind are lists of things I'd like to get done as we prepare for our move to Norway. And also emails I'd like to write. Or blog posts! Or journal entries. Lilly's wants are her needs and I do my best to stay focused on her and them. But sometimes I just really would like to focus on my own needs and wants as well! Like taking my time in the bathroom. Practice some yoga. Do some writing.

Nursing is a precious time to care for Lilly, and now I've found a way to care for some of my needs for intellectual stimulation as well while she eats: I read, carefully and diligently (I've never read Mothering or Morgenbladet so thoroughly before). I've also gotten better at eating and nursing at the same time.

Lilly on my brestfriend eating, while I'm eating

my birth story

In short; it was long and amazing. I am so proud and impressed by what the body can accomplish, both my own and my baby's. Maybe women are given the kind of labor experience that best can teach them the lesson they will most need in the time ahead (our midwife Rachel passed this theory on to us). My labor definitely emphasized the significance of patience and endurance, but ultimately it came down to me accepting the gift of help.

It seems maybe some scar tissue on my cervix, the result of some cryo therapy (basically freezing of the cervical tissue) done some years ago after an irregular pap smear, contributed to the long and difficult dilation period. There may have been other factors too; during labor baby suddenly shifted position to a less ideal one, but we got her to move back. Since my labor was so long, the homebirth setting was ideal for me; I could move around, labor in the tub Rachel brought us, was free to eat and drink, and was given massage and comfort from Leighton and Rachel.

By Saturday evening, the membranes had ruptured. The risk of bacterial infection increases after 18-24 hours, so seeing there was still no baby by Sunday morning, Rachel felt it was safest that we transfer to a hospital for antibiotics and completion of labor there. However, at Northfield Hospital, the ob. gyn. on call (unfortunately not the ob. gyn. who had offered to serve as a back-up for my homebirth) said she'd accept me only for an immediate C-section and would not let me try for a vaginal birth. We tried Faribault Hospital next, but there they basically said that what they said at Northfield Hospital goes for Faribault Hospital too. Then Rachel called Albert Lea Hospital where Rachel also works in the lab; here the ob. gyn. on call said she'd let me try for a vaginal birth, with the help of some pitocin (synthetically produced oxytocin, the hormone that causes contractions).

At Albert Lea Hospital, we were able to proceed with our wishes for a natural drug-free vaginal birth, with the help of pitocin and a crew of respectful and encouraging medical personnel. I will remain most grateful to Serina who encouraged me to push when I was ready (and who helped get me ready by pushing back the cervical lip that had developed when Lilly was in the less ideal position) and Dr. Nainani who helped me stretch and not tear. Receiving the baby, Dr. Nainani passed little Lilly on to Rachel who gave her to me. It was a blissful moment.

Here I am with my prize, flanked by my support team (which of course also includes Leighton, but he's taking the picture): our nurse Serina to the left and our midwife Rachel to the right.