summertime!

Drinks outside this spring

It's "summmmertime" as Lilly likes to say whenever the sun is out. We've been enjoying hanging on the porch again, planting in the garden, playing outside. It's so interesting to see what a difference a year can make. Whereas last year, we found ourselves constantly worrying about Lilly running out into the street, we can now let her play outside some by herself, close to the house (with a frequent eye on her). She'll find her toys in the garage: her trike and chalk and bubbles. She'll play in the sandbox. And slide a little. Look at the growing plants and flowers.

Mostly, of course, she prefers us to play with her, or, rather, that the girls next door come over to play with her. They are both ten and Lilly so enjoys their attention.

Sorry we haven't posted much here lately, but it's been a busy time. Leighton's gotten more hours at Laura Baker, giving me less time to write. The time that I have been getting, I've devoted to polishing my book manuscript, putting together a proposal to lure the interest of an agent to help me find the right publisher, and developing my three websites: two blogs and an online resource center, which Leighton has been helping me with a lot: we envision it as a family business down the road.

Though we've been busy, never feeling like there's enough time, we've also been feeling truly blessed by the generosity of friends and family in the last few months. First, dear friends decided to bestow upon us their super nice Subaru. Then my parents offered to buy us all tickets to come visit them in Norway this summer. -- We're leaving on Wednesday, and the same friend who gave us her Subaru is taking us to the airport. Are we lucky, or what?

For Easter, Lilly got a garden kit from grandpa Kent and grandma Cheryl. We planted the seeds in the pots outside last week, and she worked so carefully to do it right. -- And fortunately, her idea that stirring the soil again after planting the seeds, did not kill the spirit of these hardy plants: radishes, carrots, beans, peas, lettuce, and spinach are already sprouting.

We've been planting together in my garden too, and though her helping me sometimes feels like it's undoing what I want to get done (or at least slowing it down significantly), her joy in helping me do real work is definitely worth it.

We return from Oslo just in time for Lilly 's three-year birthday, the day after which she'll begin preschool at the Montessori children's house in town. Preschool summer program that is, but still?! Such a big girl. Not a baby. Not a toddler. -- A preschooler.

Big girl on her trike this spring

Other recent landmarks include me not having to lie in bed with her at night till she's asleep. Though putting on pajamas and brushing her teeth are not among Lilly's favorite things to do, as soon as we're through with those tasks, we can go to bed, nurse and cuddle a little, and then I can get up after ten minutes or so, usually by 8:30 P.M. and with her still awake (she always wants the door ajar, just so, just as I remember wanting it as a child: precision is key). -- As opposed to before when I'd have to lie there for up to an hour, waiting for her to fall asleep (and often falling asleep myself).

It's pretty amazing to me how smoothly this transition evolved; she was just ready for it. Though it was exasperating at times before to lie there with her for so long in the evening, I'm glad we never did the cry-it-out (or monitored crying) method.

In July, Leighton turns thirty. A big day that deserves celebrating in style (please: any creative ideas?).

Speaking of parties; Leighton and Lilly are at some friends for one as I write this post on this warm Memorial Day holiday, giving me some peace and quiet to enjoy myself on our porch. And smell the fresh grass being cut by our neighbor; the lily of the valley in full bloom and the few lilacs holding on. Not a bad holiday.

At the pool last summer

Also to look forward to, is summertime at our city's pool. It opens the weekend we get back from Norway. We've purchased our summer passes and I look forward to picnics and playful (hopefully also some lazy) afternoons there this summer. It's been a wet, cold spring, so I foresee plenty warm summer days. Hey, it's summmmertime, you now?!

summer time

and the living is easy. At least right now it is. We're in a good rhythm. We've had our little Duluth vacation, and a day at the Walker, playing outside, listening to live music while enjoying our picnic.

And for the rest of this month, I'm taking a break from work, spending full days with Lilly, while Leighton gets to either work on his thesis or help out a friend with some cabinet/furniture work. While I've been with Lilly at the pool, or played in the park, etc.

I've given up the struggle with naps; some days she naps, other days not. Yesterday she did not, but then went to bed in a minute, around 8, and slept till 8 this morning. Nice. Since the nap and bedtime thing have gotten to be so frustrating for me, we decided around her birthday to make a change. First we decided I'd be with her all mornings and then Leighton would take care of the afternoon with naps. Mostly she wouldn't nap then that second part of June. But now with me, she sometimes naps. She clearly still needs it. But it's ok when she doesn't. She's still very sweet to be with.

Another thing we've tried is, as of Friday, both Leighton and I have go in to bed with her at night together and then I leave after she's nursed, and he's there with her till she sleeps. So far so good.

So, we're trying some new things, being a little more relaxed with things, not so much following the clock as much as how Lilly seems, and how we're doing. And it's working really well. At least for now.

more on books

I went to the library again this week to check out some more books; contemporary Norwegian fiction for me (I've moved on to Jan Kjærstad whose writing I find more constructed and clever than Per Petterson's and I don't really like that, but he has been awarded the Nordic Prize for Literature), and books on tegn til tale (we will use this as our Norwegian version of signing with your baby) for Lilly. It struck me that I haven't really been interested in reading books on child rearing or child development. When I was pregnant, all I wanted to read (aside from all the books I had to read for my courses) was books on birth and pregnancy. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I also read books on attachment parenting, raising a child bilingually, raising a child diaper-free, breast feeding, and vaccines (see our complete book lists in the right margin of this page). And I read about how motherhood makes us smarter, and about the price of motherhood; challenges that face working moms in the US in particular.

I think there are two main reasons for why I steer away from books on child rearing and child development. Firstly, here in Norway everyone seems to read Anna Wahlgren's Barneboka, and Gro Nylander. Whereas in the US, I observed a range of various approaches to child rearing, here in Norway I sense a general consensus on proper child rearing that while it allows for diversity and difference does so within the framework of commonality. This bothers me.

Secondly, I really enjoy reading fiction. But in the US I had to read so much fiction for work, which takes away from that indulgent feeling of reading a good novel for the sheer joy of it. Now that I'm not teaching or writing about literature, I can really enjoy reading for its own sake. Also, I prefer learning from the memoirs of Anne Lamott and Louise Erdrich recounting the first years of their babies, or the reflections of T. Singer, one of Dag Solstad's protagonists (in the novel by the same name), as he observes the growth and development of his step-daughter. These voices really moved me and taught me something profound about some of the many aspects of parenting.

diaper-free baby

We first learned about "diaper-free" babies towards the end of my pregnancy. We picked up this book and decided to practice "elimination communication" (EC) with Lilly from when she was born. After a big bowel movement right at birth, Lilly didn't poop again till she was three days old. At six days, we caught her first poop in the toilet and then two more that same day. We were off to a flying start!

We found that raising a baby diaper-free really is more about communication than about not using the diaper. When we started picking up on Lilly's signals that she was about to poop (grunting, straining), we would respond by cuing her (also grunting) and taking her to the bathroom. Here's an early example of me cuing Lilly over the toilet:



Eventually I began to tone down my cues somewhat. Holding her over the toilet would often be sufficient, as you'll see in this little clip:



I really appreciate EC'ing as an early form of communication. Even before Lilly started smiling, cooing, babbling, and laughing, we were in tune.

I also really appreciate the point about "diaper-free" not meaning that the baby is completely free or out of diapers. It's "free" as in not entirely dependent on diapers. Though we do catch some pees in the toilet, Lilly does typically pee in her diaper. And during her recent spell of upset stomach (brought about by pickled herring?) we caught almost none of her poops in the toilet. We still tried, but she was in so much pain I was just happy when she did eventually poop.

Typically, if we don't catch a poop in the toilet, we'll agree that we saw it coming. Practicing EC, we will change Lilly's diaper as soon as we can tell that she's pooped in it. Yesterday she had one big bowel movement over the toilet, and then one big one that began in the diaper and continued on the changing table. If we don't catch it in the toilet, she does at least seem to prefer to poop on the changing table, without the diaper on. Which is still "diaper-free." But of course, a poop in the toilet makes for much easier cleaning up!

For more information about diaper-free practices, check out this site: DiaperFreeBaby

no more pickled herring

I discovered there are certain things I can't eat without causing Lilly an upset (gassy and achy) stomach. For me they are:
* raw onion (especially when it's kind of fermented, as in pickled herring, or in that Santa Fe salad I had which Leighton makes, and it's really yummy when it's fresh, with beans and corn and red onion, but when it's been sitting in the fridge for some days it's not so good -- for Lilly, at least). I have been able to have raw onion in fresh salsas and salad. If the onion's fresh, it seems to be okay, on all of us.
* cabbage: this one's on the top of all lists of gas inducing products, but I didn't stop to think -- before I ate -- last weekend when we were invited over to my parents' place for "fårikål" (a traditional lamb and cabbage stew). We did not have such a great time at the baby swimming the following day, to say the least...
* She seems fine with spicy food and beans, thank goodness. We eat a lot of both.
After I stopped eating pickled herring for lunch (to my chagrin; eating my daily hard boiled eggs while I was pregnant, I was really looking forward to soft boiled eggs and I've so been enjoying them with that pickled herring. Oh well.) and picked out the cabbage from the leftover fårikål, Lilly's been quite happy.

And as we're talking about how my intake affects her; if I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine or beer, she does seem to sleep more the following day. Now this is something I could easily take advantage of, but I haven't and will not, promise! But it does make for some mellow weekends, for Leighton and I to get some reading, writing, and blogging done (as in now!).

--
postscript: On Sunday, the day after I wrote the above, Lilly slept for a full three hours, from noon till three. And I had not had any wine or beer the evening before. Why does she never sleep like this on a weekday? Could she tell it's the weekend and people are relaxing? Is it the reassuring sound of two parents being home, putsing around? Or the weekly bath she receives on Sunday mornings? This is a great puzzle to me...