midwife care: the right match for us

I can't remember what first got me interested in homebirth, maybe something from my yoga training, but I remember thinking, many years ago, that if I ever had a child, I'd like to give birth at home. The first book I read when we found out that I'm pregnant, was a book on natural birth that a dear friend gave me. This book led me to Sheila Kitzinger's book on home birth, then Ina May Gaskin's, which another good friend gave me, and soon we were interviewing midwives. One of the first midwives I talked with over email, wrote to me that "I believe it is important to talk to as many midwives as you can and then decide who you would like to sit with, for truly to find your match can take you on a bit of a journey." This has certainly been true for us.

At first, I was sure I wanted an older grandmother-like midwife with lots of experience, calm, grounded, spiritual, but earthy, non-puritanical and nonsensical, and with a sense of humor. Kind of a combination of Ina May and Sheila. Leighton suggested we also meet with some younger midwives; I was not very positive to this idea at first, but went along with it. -- I would never have thought that we would end up with a younger midwife, but we did. How did we get here?

Out of all the email conversations and phone interviews, we finally set up meetings with 5 midwives. The first midwife, Kim, works with another midwife, Kathy, both in their 50s and each with about 20 years of experience. They have both been active in establishing legal recognition and standardized certification for midwife care. Kim struck us as the spiritual one, whereas Kathy was earthy. We met in Kim's home in Edina, a quaint older home, but not the most inviting meeting room. This is where all the prenatal care would take place. Kim & Kathy have a large practice, and we wondered if we'd typically have to sit in line, waiting, for our appointment.

The second midwife, Vanessa, was younger, probably close to my age, though she felt older than me. More of a hippie bohemian appearing woman, we felt drawn to talking with her. She was more inclusive of the both of us in our conversation than Kim and Kathy, and her home was so inviting; we met in her open dining room, which smelled like bacon and pancakes. Her husband teaches at a local Rudolf Steiner school, where she subsitutes, which also appealed to us.

The third and fourth midwife were both in their twenties. Compared to the others, their approach to midwife care struck us as more standardized, not quite medicalized, but suggesting a new trend in midwife care to come across as more professionalized, maybe due to a concern that midwifery is not quite recognized as a legitimized field among professional health care professionals? The fourth midwife in particular struck me as more of a doctor, but with a naturopathic spin. This did not appeal to me; it became clear to me that I would prefer an unlicensed midwife with confidence in the ancient art of midwife care to a midwife certified in standardized care.

The fifth meeting was canceled (due to her busy schedule navigating between children and clients, which made me think she was not necessarily a good fit for us; also, we had at least two good option to choose between at this point: Kim & Kathy and Vanessa). Then a woman in town who teaches Bradley method classes to natural childbirth told us about a midwife she'd heard of and we contacted her. She, Rachel, lives about an hour south of town, but would do all visits at our house (unlike the others we met with who'd require us to meet in their homes for most of the prenatal visits). Many factors made us drawn to her: sure, she is younger, but--as a former client said--with an old soul. We felt reassured by her training and experience, and confident that she is competent. She is not certified nor licensed but with good reasons for both, exuding confidence in her decision to rely on the solid heritage of traditional midwifery. She does not have children of her own, but, as she explained, midwife care has a tradition both among the city elders (the grandmothers) and among nuns. She used the analogy of a doula who before giving birth herself, relied in her care on all the experiences of women she's assisted, whereas after she gave birth herself, she would rely primarily on her own experiences. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we felt so comfortable with her, free to ask her all our questions, no judgment in her responses, warmly including both of us in the conversation. With Kim & Kathy I felt that Leighton was slightly excluded and I also did not appreciate how they dismissed a couple of my questions. Vanessa, likewise, ended up disappointing us through our email conversation after our meeting, responding rather defensively to some of our questions.

Rachel, on the other hand, invites trust and a sense of stability; we feel that she is the right match for us and that she will ease into our home quite seamlessly, providing a reassuring but unobtrusive presence during and after labor and delivery.

Finding the right match for us has been an incredible journey. Now we are excited about the journey ahead, meeting regularly with our midwife, learning from her and working together as we prepare for the birth. It is such a different experience from what the prenatal visits with our ob/gyn have been like. Though I have to add that this ob/gyn is by far my favorite, more attentive than any other I have seen throughout the years (I have established with her my dissatisfaction with all the ob/gyns I have seen since I was 18, their quick diagnoses and easy dismissals, and she has seemed determined to make up for that by being quite attentive to our questions and concerns), she nonetheless approaches us as the doctor who'd prefer to make all the decisions. She is open to negotiations, and has ultimately conceded several times that when everything looks fine, there is no need to assume things aren't, and thus we've been able to opt out of various superfluous screenings. Yet, her inclination is to suspect rather than trust, to double-check and look for problems, rather than approach birth as a natural process.

The midwife approaches birth in a more balanced manner: attention to the mother's diet and exercise is crucial, as is the baby's growth and well-being, but she does not assume trouble before unusual signs are present, and even then she knows that there is a tendency to over-diagnose. Our ob/gyn knows this too, yet she would more likely to do just that, causing needless stress and concern.

Our ob/gyn is more open to natural childbirth than many ob/gyns in the United States, and has offered to serve as a back-up to our homebirth. I appreciate maintaining a working relationship with her, but regular check-ups with her will be unnecessary now that we'll be seen by a midwife. Whereas meetings with our ob/gyn can be stressful, the visits with our midwife are something we look forward to. Based on a holistic approach to health, they are not just physical check-ups, but educational and therapeutic, mentally and emotionally, during pregnancy and as we approach the birth and parenthood.

midwife

We've picked a midwife and she confirmed that she's available to work with us – yay! We will meet with her once a month until 28 weeks; every two weeks until 36 weeks; and once a week until the baby comes. Our initial prenatal visit will be next Tuesday at home (all her visits will be at our house). We're very excited to get started with this...

starting out in the new year with a cold

We're both sick. Which is no fun, but I guess it's going around. Anne is busy teaching her interim film course and I'm working on a grant application and also a paper proposal for an Ibsen conference. And January is flying by!

The polls are out and the results in: You picked Sebastian and Maja (Maja evolved from Kaia, while Nadja has since been crossed off the list; Hillary and Barack and Mitt were never options). And apparently you think we're having a girl – although we won't know for sure until the big day when we get to meet the little one personally.

The search for a midwife is coming along, and we've narrowed down the choices to three. But we might meet with another midwife or two before making our final decision. Until then, we're still going to prenatal appointments at the Northfield Hospital, and we have an ultrasound scheduled for next Wednesday, the first day of the week 21 (half way through the pregnancy). So we'll get a quick peak and perhaps a snapshot of our growing baby.

That's all for now.

midwives

We met with two midwives last Wednesday and have meetings with two other midwives at the beginning of the year. We liked the two we met with – they work together – but we want to interview a few more before making a decision. Anne has contacted all the midwives in the Twin Cities metro and has already narrowed down the search; we hope to find a match for us by the end of January.