while we're waiting

These past couple of days, I've been completely absorbed by Peggy Orenstein's compelling memoir, Waiting for Daisy. The book's been sitting on my bookshelf since last September when a friend lent it to me after I was told by my ob. gyn. that I couldn't conceive naturally; that the infertility drug Clomid would be the next step for us. Of course, around the same time I did conceive naturally and, perhaps worried that reading books about infertility issues would somehow be bad karma, I focused instead on positive thinking and immersed myself in books about natural childbirth and pregnancy. Until yesterday. Re-reading the book cover, I realized this is not just a book for women who struggle to become pregnant. It's for all women who at one point or another have struggled with the question of how to balance between the desire for career and self-reliance as modern independent women and the urge to have a family, a child. For how can one have the latter without compromising the former? (Especially, as Orenstein notes, in a country that does not accommodate working moms.) Orenstein gives a brutally honest account about this 'conflict of interests' in her own life, and how the quest for motherhood became an all-consuming and devastating obsession until finally, after months on Clomid, several attempts with intra uterine insemination, two attempts with in vitro fertilization, one attempt with an egg donor, a failed adoption, and three miscarriages, she conceived and had her daughter Daisy.

Orenstein's point is not that having a child miraculously solves everything or even anything. But her account does make it clear that every baby is a miracle. It sounds so cliché, but when you read about it and realize what it takes for an egg and a sperm cell to merge and form that little zygote that eventually turns into a fetus, then a baby, it really is quite remarkable that it can happen with such frequency! We were envisioning a battle with infertility issues when we found out about our little miracle. Needless to say, there is nothing about this amazing journey that we're taking for granted; we cherish every moment of it. Even as we're waiting.

baby belly week 39

Seven days to the 40-week due date. But I have it from someone that the baby will be born tomorrow, May 29. So I thought I'd post a belly picture—one last one?—just in case.

Anne and I are are enjoying these days off, going for walks and sitting on the porch. Anne has been doing prenatal yoga at home and listening to a hypnobirthing CD—to prepare her mind, body, spirit for the birth. And she's been taking advantage of the nice weather to lie outside in the sun.

I've taken hard to settling down and being idle, but I manage to find things to do around the house or otherwise. I feel pretty lucky to be able to share this time with Anne. And I will be able to share the whole summer here with her and the little one; the Nansen Fund has made and exception and granted me the fellowship while allowing me to forgo summer school. This makes me a very happy papa-to-be, and I know that Anne is very happy as well.

I though I'd leave you with one last picture of happy Anne, on what could possibly be her last day as a mother-to-be...

transitioning

Last week of teaching
This week marks my last week of teaching at St. Olaf for at least a year (plus some months). All exams have been graded and we've said our goodbyes to students, except for the seniors: the commencement ceremony is tomorrow, Sunday. For two years, I've been teaching for the great conversation program. Together with my colleagues Laurel and Chris and about 60 students that we have divided and rotated between the three of us, we've plowed our way through more than 70 great books from antiquity till today. It's been quite the experience. We have indeed engaged in some great conversations. Here we are at our final picnic.

A third and final baby shower
As the school year is ending, I've found more time to focus on baby's imminent arrival. Three amazing women that I know from Lakselaget, a professional organization for Norwegian-American women ("who swim against the current"), threw me my third and final baby shower. I thought we had all we needed, but we still received things we did not yet have, e.g. darling newborn clothes (so we now have a brand spanking new outfit to dress the baby in right after birth), long sleeved T-shirts with home-made prints to fit the independent spirit of our baby (it sure feels like there's a strong-willed person in there!), a Twins onesie (to remind the baby of its Minnesotan roots while we're in Norway), booties and a tie-dye peace sign T-shirt for our new world citizen. One of my friends is recovering from breast cancer, and so our discussion turned to the flaws of the health care system (or lack thereof) here in the US. I'm so frustrated over the lack of substantial health care here, how one has to fight the system--in particular the insurance companies--to get what one deserves.

The price of motherhood: lack of parental leave and rights in the US
But insurance companies are not the only 'enemy.' Towards the end of my women's studies seminar this spring, my students and I learned more about the Price of Motherhood. As the author Ann Crittenden writes, there is a huge discrepancy in this country between the lip service paid to motherhood and the actual treatment of mothers. Crittenden coins the term 'mommy tax' to describe how women are discriminated against as potential or actual employers in the US. Crittenden uses Sweden, France, and Canada to illustrate how other countries ensure that women can combine work with motherhood (e.g. with substantial paid leave, reduced work hours, universalized child health care and subsidized child care), and to ensure motherhood as a sustainable institutions. In Norway, parents are entitled to 44 weeks off with full salary, or 54 weeks off with 80% salary. 3 weeks before and 6 weeks after the birth are reserved for the mother and the father has to take at least 6 of the weeks. Other than that, the parents can share the weeks however they want to. On the other hand, as I wrote in this blog back in March, the US is the only industrialized country not to offer paid maternity leave (together with Australia, but they at least guarantee one unpaid year off). St. Olaf offers 6 paid weeks off after birth. But in a country where there are no federal laws ensuring this right, I've experienced that these 6 weeks are not fully respected. I may still be expected to attend meetings (lest I give the impression of 'not caring' about work); a colleague in the English department had to return to give a lecture and grade exams during these 6 weeks.

Toxic children's products and toys
The enormous corporations of this 'turbo-capitalistic' country, as Crittenden describes the US, are another 'enemy' for a mom-to-be. In February, I wrote about the seemingly unrestrained power of the pharmaceutical industry to continue manufacturing medications that have been proven unsafe (and that are forbidden in European countries such as Norway). The same seems to be true for manufacturers of children's toys and products. This week, Friends of the Earth released a new study on the threat of halogenated (or brominated; PBDEs) fire retardants in baby products, such as car seats and portable cribs (unfortunately, this includes our new GRACO car seat and pack'n play). But this is not new news. The European Union began phasing out products that contain such fire retardants in the late 1990s after finding preliminary evidence of toxic effects. Not so in the US. If you'd like to make a difference, please submit a letter to GRACO, one of the biggest manufacturers of children products, asking them to reconsider their uses of halogenated fire retardants.

We are also concerned about the use of toxic plastics (PVC, phtalates, lead) in toys, the use of bisphenol-a (BPA) in baby bottles (and other bottles, including, we found out, our own sporty Cyclone Hydration Gear water bottles that we got at REI), and the use of lead paint. Lead paint free wooden toys and safe plastic toys (see towards bottom of this page) are more expensive, but we are determined to think quality rather than quantity regarding this matter.

Patriotism and Simple living
As we prepare for birth, we have indeed been focusing on the simplistic quality of our life. This is the paradox of our life here; though I find myself constantly fighting a capitalistic non-caring system with which I cannot agree, I also find myself in the midst of friends who do care, about their fellow neighbors and this amazing land. At the shower earlier this week, we were talking about how in the US, patriotism tends to be equated with support of the military, but how patriotism is much larger than that; how it involves a support and defense of this land and its people in environmentally and socially responsible ways. In this holistic manner, I am a patriot of the US.

Approaching the birth day
In these past few weeks, we've had the opportunity to cherish the company of our friends here and the beautiful landscape of Minnesota. Trees, lawns and meadows have turned a lush fresh sour apple green color, tulips and bleeding hearts are in bloom, as are the lilacs, forsythias, and beautiful cherry and apple trees. In the midst of all this love and beauty, we are finding the safe space to prepare for the big birth day. Our baby has moved deep down into my pelvis, and my uterus has been flexing and strengthening in preparation for labor and birth. We are doing well. The meeting with our midwife this past week felt momentous; it may well have been our last regular prenatal meeting. Or baby may decide to wait. I'm very much enjoying these last days of carrying the baby so intimately, bonding, while I'm also looking forward to meeting the baby, seeing who's in there. I am looking forward to seeing how the birth will evolve; will it begin at night or during the day, will it be a long labor or shorter, how will we react and feel. My favorite birth video so far is BIRTH DAY. This woman's labor begins with contractions in the morning. She goes for a walk down to the river with her family, it begins to rain and they return to the house where they have lunch together, her contractions get stronger, she moves around the house with her husband, walking while looking into his eyes, she gets into the tub with her husband as the contractions get stronger yet, and is able, finally, to birth her baby gently. I would very much appreciate it if we are blessed with a labor and birth that is slow and gentle like this one. We shall see! No matter, I will cherish our baby's birth story and will share it with you as well here.

vårt hus

Pictures of our house.

tre år

Three years ago yesterday, Anne and I met in Minneapolis. To celebrate the date, we took the day off and drove up to the city. Later in the afternoon we stopped by Jitters—where we met—to take some pictures; then we went to Origami for sushi. It was fun to look back on the past three years and all the things that have happened since we first met. And now we have so much more to look forward to.

two new polls

We added new polls for boy and girl names. We're struggling to narrow down the lists. So vote and have your say and leave a comment with your thoughts.

weekend update

A week's gone by...
Last Sunday we had a baby shower with Anne's colleagues. To the left is a picture of a cute, knitted sweater with Crayola Crayons buttons; one of a few knitted gifts from the "Norwegian Department," including blankets, little socks and a hat. And we got books, too. Very fun. In fact, I've already read to the baby in the belly—while Anne tried hard not to laugh. There were many more gifts. Plus what we got at the other shower, and from friends and family. So we should be good to go for now.
This was the last full week of classes for the semester. Anne's last day of classes is on Wednesday, and then her last exam is a week after that—she wants to finish grading all her final papers by Wednesday, May 21. My last day of class is on Wednesday, and I can take my final any time before the 21st. Then we're both done. And all we'll have to do is wait for the baby...
Tonight we went out with our friends, Lorna and Jeff, for Mother's-to-be Day. Anne and Lorna have shared their pregnancy experiences from the beginning, with due dates just three days apart. It was fun to celebrate before the Moms become Moms—and before the Dads become Dads.

full-term

This weekend marks one month until the due date. Tonight we had dinner with our new friends, Amanda and Matt and baby Avery. And we'll have a baby shower for both Anne and I on Sunday. Then Rachel, our midwife, visits on Tuesday, and we're told that it's OK—after that—if the baby decides to come, because it will be full-term; meaning the baby will be fully developed, it's organs, and all, only a few pounds lighter than it would be at 40 weeks. Very exciting stuff. We're almost ready, I think.

baby belly week 35