books

I'm surprised it's been almost a month since I last posted something; in my head I've been blogging all along. I've also been reading quite a bit; it's easy to do when Lilly nurses. First I read Marianne Mjaaland's most recent novel, 13. uke (2008), which deals with abortion. It initiated much discussion here in Norway, including a debate in Morgenbladet between sociologist Willy Pedersen and the author, who's also a medical doctor, that you can read here. Then I moved on to Dag Solstad's Professor Andersens natt (1996), Armand V. Fotnoter til en uutgravd roman (2006), T. Singer (1999), and Ellevte roman, bok atten (1992; coming out in English this Christmas). T. Singer didn't grab me much at first, but the portrayal of T. Singer's relationship to his stepdaughter in the book's final part is very moving. Armand V. and Ellevte roman, bok atten also contain interesting portraits of father-son relationships. Right now I'm reading Per Petterson's Til Sibir (1996; To Siberia, 1998) while I'm on a wait list at the library to check out his most recent novel, Jeg forbanner tidens elv (2008), which have received excellent reviews (Graywolf will publish it in the US).

Leighton's of course busy reading all the time; I think it's his favorite part of grad school. Everyday over dinner he shares interesting parts from his readings, mostly very complex theoretical stuff. For fun he's also reading Solstad's Professor Andersens natt (also to learn more Norwegian) and The Lazarus Project (2008) by Aleksandar Hemon.

And finally, Lilly. Like her mama and papa she seems to have a passion for books, as the below photo and videos show. She loves her soft toy books in particular. Since she'll suck and chew on just about anything she gets her hands on these days, books with paper sheets are not safe around her (I had to tape some pages in a library book).

snø

It's snowing in Oslo! Fun and exciting for us. And this is Lilly's first snow, so to speak. Well, anyway, just thought you should know.

fire måneder

Our Lilly turned 4 months today. We celebrated with a saft and farris mix for mama and papa, a big Skål for our big girl. Gratulerer med dagen, Lilly!

As you all know, we are very proud of Lilly and excited to share with you all her new developments. Included below are a couple of videos with lots of talking and laughing. And just watch her exercising in her baby gym!

!!We've also added a new photo link on the sidebar!!

mother's guilt

Every day I'm struck by pangs of mother's guilt: Her tummy seems upset; did I eat something last night that's causing this? Her eyes look gooey; have I not been careful enough keeping them clean? She seems tired; am I not doing good enough of a job helping her sleep? She's not happy in the pool; should I not have brought her to baby swimming class today? She seems to be in agony; is she processing trauma from the hospital stay after birth? Why didn't I do a better job protecting her there against the medical personnel, by standing up against the doctors, sheltering her from their invasive tests and screenings and so-called "treatment"? Her feet are cold; how could I forget those woolen socks? She's too warm; how could I think that she'd be fine with both a blanket and a comforter in the stroller? She has dry skin behind her ears; how could I let that happen, even after having read about it? She's scratched herself; how come I can never keep up with her nails?

The list is endless.

And now Lilly's teething. Rationally, I know this is not "my fault." But again, there's the feeling of guilt. Why did we not bring those teething rings? Clearly we did not have our priorities straight when packing. Who cares about our things if we could sacrifice somethings for her. And how could we take her out for dinner both Saturday and Sunday, even if it's just over to friends and family, when she's clearly not doing well? Lilly now has a gooey eye, achy gums, and a little big of congestion.

On top of all this, I have a couple of fast approaching deadlines looming over me (a grant application and an article). Our medical bills are overdue, but I first need to sort through all the statements before we pay any of them. I haven't had any time to work on an article I promised an editor I'd try to write. And I'm also supposed to review a book. Clearly, I'm hoping for less stressful days soon; in particular, relief for Lilly from aches and discomfort, and for me. Though I don't think I'll be able to escape mother's guilt anytime soon.

postscript: after I finished writing this, Lilly slept for another hour and I got to practice some yoga. For a moment, I've found some calm. Now Lilly's waking up and is all smiles! :)

new developments

As of last night Lilly has been biting her lower lip, or sucking on it, whatever. She has been sucking on her fingers and hands now for a while, but this is a new development. And this morning she has been attacking her bamse (teddy bear) and also my shoulder, biting with her gums. What's up?

Well, everything about this little girl is cute and adorable, of course. And these are just a couple of the many things that she does that make me fall in love with my daughter every day.
-Leighton