Rex and Red--Rex og Rød

When we were waiting for Lilly those last few weeks before the birth, I thought it would be fun to write a children's book. I did write the story but never got around to drawing the pictures; the project got pushed aside after Lilly was born. Recently I thought maybe it would be fun to translate the story into Norwegian. Anne helped of course, and below is what we worked out together. Perhaps sometime I'll get around to illustrating it.


Once upon a time there lived a little dinosaur named Rex and a robot named Red.
Det var en gang en liten dinosaur som hette Rex og en robot som hette Rød.

In the whole wide world there was not another Robot with whom Red could be friends, and Rex was the only little dinosaur for many miles.
I hele den vide verden var det ikke en eneste annen robot som Rød kunne være venn med, og Rex var den eneste lille dinosauren på mange mil.

Though they were very, very different, Red and Rex tried to become friends.
Selv om de var veldig, veldig forskjellige, prøvde Rød og Rex å bli venner.

But they couldn’t be friends because they couldn’t find anything to do together…
Men de kunne ikke være venner, for de kunne ikke finne noe som helst å gjøre sammen...

They couldn’t play chase in the great forest because Red couldn’t jump over fallen trees.
De kunne ikke leke sisten i den store skogen, for Rød kunne ikke hoppe over trær som hadde falt over ende.

They couldn’t play math games because Rex had only six fingers on which he could count.
De kunne ikke spille matte-spill, for Rex hadde bare seks fingre å telle med.

They couldn’t eat snacks together because Red didn’t have a stomach.
De kunne ikke spise matpakke sammen, for Rød hadde ikke noen mage.

They couldn’t cross the great river or play out in the rain because Red would get all wet and rusty.
De kunne ikke krysse den store elven eller leke ute i regnet, for Rød ville blitt helt våt og rusten.

There were many, many things that Red and Rex couldn’t do together.
Det var mange, mange ting som Rød og Rex ikke kunne gjøre sammen.

The years went by like this, trying to find any which way to be good friends. Then came the day that Rex passed away.
Og slik gikk årene med mens Rød og Rex prøvde å finne noe å gjøre sammen så de kunne være gode venner. Så kom den dagen da Rex sovnet inn.

It was then that Red looked back on all the great times he had, with the greatest friend he ever had… Rex.
Det var da Rød husket alt det morsomme som han hadde gjort, med den beste vennen han noensinne hadde hatt… Rex.

“Goodbye, Rex. I miss you, Rex.”
“Ha det, Rex. Jeg savner deg, Rex.”

happy holidays, happy new year!

Hope you're all enjoying this holiday season and the rounding off of the old year. We're enjoying "romjula" (the week between Christmas eve and New Year's Eve) in Oslo where it's cold and no more snow, but cozy inside and on short brisk walks outside. We had a couple of nice weeks in Gran Canaria earlier this month, relaxing in our apartment, by the pool, or strolling along the beach walk. Here we are on one of those walks, one of our first days there (for more pics., check out the album).

As New Year's Eve approaches, we get all nostalgic, looking back on 2008. It has been a big year for us!

Anne went from being an overworked prof at St. Olaf to being a happy stay-at-home mama for Lilly here in Norway. I haven't forgotten completely about work though; this month I got a publisher for my book, which I hope will help grant applications this spring. I've applied for another year off from St. Olaf and look forward to actually writing the book next year after trying out some ideas for its format this spring.

Leighton has been thrown into life as an expat in Norway where he's getting at least some good use of the Norwegian language studies he completed at St. Olaf last year (new year's resolution for the both of us is to speak more Norwegian together). He's thriving in grad school, enjoying the (at times quite dense and always ample) reading in particular. He has focused his thesis project and its title is: "The Garden Party: 'Intimate Spaces' in Ibsen's Love's Comedy."

Lilly turned half a year while we were on Gran Canaria this past month and has started eating solids (we're talking tea spoons here). Banana and avocado for now (she's not so fond of either). She's finished beginning and advanced baby swimming courses, talks a lot ("ng" and "ablablabla"), loves to play on the floor, explore the world and other babies, and listen to mama singing. She still prefers to sleep snuggled up with mama, but has begun to sleep more by herself in her crib.

baby swimming

Leighton finished his semester today by turning in two final papers. Then he came along to attend last day of baby swimming. Unfortunately, class was canceled but we still enjoyed ourselves in the pool. On Wednesday, we'll be able to swim in the Atlantic ocean -- or at least in the pool by our hotel. We're so ready for our vacation!







I also added some pics. to our album Norway II, including more of Lilly in the pool.

desember

December is a big month for us: Lilly will turn half a year on Dec. 15; she'll celebrate her first Christmas; take her first trip to the Canary islands. -- On Monday, we re-introduced her to the BOB stroller; she'd almost outgrown her pram and was eager to get a better view of the world (a side note on strollers: here in Norway, everyone uses a pram for their newborns, babies even lie in them in cars, with a security net sort of attaching the top part of the pram--the basket--to the back car seat. In the US, we didn't even consider a pram but went with the car seat everyone seems to be using for their newborns there, either putting it on wheels to make it into a stroller as such, or using it as an adapter in a jogger for bigger children).

She still loves riding in the BabyBjørn, but that can get a little heavy. Plus it's not practical when it's raining or snowing, - which it started doing again this week. So now we're also getting good use of the BOB weather shield we finally got shipped over here (thanks, Blake and Rick!).

Here's Lilly, first day in her "new" stroller on Monday:


And here again, yesterday in the snow:


This week, we also introduced Lilly to a high chair. She was very happy finally joining us around the table! She'll be even happier when she can get her hands on some of the food we're always eating:


Leighton's finishing his first semester of grad school. On Tuesday we went out to celebrate the top grade he received (an A) on one of the three papers he has due this month.

Here's Leighton with Lilly at Mikrobryggeriet (the only place in town you can get a decent beer) celebrating with a stout.


I've been enjoying connecting more with a few of the women in my "barselgruppe" (mommy group, set up by the local health station). We meet every week now at somebody's house and share our thoughts and experiences while our babies play together/explore each other on the floor.

Lilly will be finishing up her intermediate baby swimming course this month, just in time to show off her moves in Gran Canaria. We'll be staying at a place called Cay Beach in Las Meloneras. We'll return to Oslo for "romjula" and new year's eve celebration here.

p.s. I've also added more pictures to our album Norway II.

risky plastic toys

Back in May, I wrote here about our concerns about the use of toxic substances in children's products and toys (in the States; Norway and the EU have already enforced bans). In August, we celebrated a major victory in banning the sale of toys containing the toxic chemicals phthalates starting on February 10, 2009, but now it looks like stores can continue to sell down their inventories of these toxic toys as long as they were manufactured before the February deadline (read more here). For tips on how to buy safer plastic toys, click here.

breaking news-Lilly takes the bottle!

Lilly, for the first time, tonight, drank from her bottle! Actually drank! Though she did finish up with the one and only--nothing better than--Mama!

bouncing, dancing

Lilly bouncing, dancing--obviously inspired by her friend Sebastian, whose "Bouncy-bounce" video she watch just the other day. (Sorry but the video is a bit dark.)

big and strong little girl

November 7




November 16

foggy day

It's an incredibly foggy day outside, matching my foggy head. Lilly was awake much of last night, at least from 4 a.m. and onwards (I realize we're spoiled to complain about this). Her stomach seems a little upset, but at least she's getting it out... She's napping now, and it's Friday, which is the day I make pizza. I'm really getting in to cooking and baking these days, now that I have the time for it, and Lilly loves to watch.

This morning, I mustered what I had left of energy and went to the gym. I was gone for an hour and a half; that's the longest I've been gone from Lilly so far. I had a blast moving to the music on my ipod! Leighton's met me at the gym a few times this fall and watched Lilly while I work out a bit, but this was the first time he's stayed home with her while I was gone doing my thing.

Lilly had her 5 month check-up at the health station yesterday; she's 7,555 kilos (16.656 pounds) heavy and 65,5 cm (25.8 inches) long. I can't believe she'll turn 5 months tomorrow; it makes me so happy but also wistful seeing her play so contentedly and independently on the floor all by herself. As a dear friend wrote to me, That's one of the things sad & wonderful, how they grow up to be their own persons & they stop being all yours.

On another note, or back to the foggy note, we're spending two weeks in December on the Gran Canary island with my Danish friend Kristian and his wife Line and their two little girls. We'll be showing off Lilly's skills (from baby swimming lessons) in the pool, or the ocean (if it's not too rough). And I'll be soaking in the sunshine as much as possible. The days are getting really short here now. On the upside, we live up on a hill facing the little of sun that is to be received. On a clear day, we can even see some of the Oslo fjord from our kitchen and living room windows.

more on books

I went to the library again this week to check out some more books; contemporary Norwegian fiction for me (I've moved on to Jan Kjærstad whose writing I find more constructed and clever than Per Petterson's and I don't really like that, but he has been awarded the Nordic Prize for Literature), and books on tegn til tale (we will use this as our Norwegian version of signing with your baby) for Lilly. It struck me that I haven't really been interested in reading books on child rearing or child development. When I was pregnant, all I wanted to read (aside from all the books I had to read for my courses) was books on birth and pregnancy. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I also read books on attachment parenting, raising a child bilingually, raising a child diaper-free, breast feeding, and vaccines (see our complete book lists in the right margin of this page). And I read about how motherhood makes us smarter, and about the price of motherhood; challenges that face working moms in the US in particular.

I think there are two main reasons for why I steer away from books on child rearing and child development. Firstly, here in Norway everyone seems to read Anna Wahlgren's Barneboka, and Gro Nylander. Whereas in the US, I observed a range of various approaches to child rearing, here in Norway I sense a general consensus on proper child rearing that while it allows for diversity and difference does so within the framework of commonality. This bothers me.

Secondly, I really enjoy reading fiction. But in the US I had to read so much fiction for work, which takes away from that indulgent feeling of reading a good novel for the sheer joy of it. Now that I'm not teaching or writing about literature, I can really enjoy reading for its own sake. Also, I prefer learning from the memoirs of Anne Lamott and Louise Erdrich recounting the first years of their babies, or the reflections of T. Singer, one of Dag Solstad's protagonists (in the novel by the same name), as he observes the growth and development of his step-daughter. These voices really moved me and taught me something profound about some of the many aspects of parenting.

mamma mia!

At one of Oslo's biggest movie theater they have this thing called "baby bio;" every Monday and Thursday afternoon, moms and dads are invited to bring their babies along to see a select film played with reduced volume and lights dimmed. I went with Lilly in October to see Mamma Mia! It was an amazing outing. It included all my favorite ingredients: music, dancing, a Greek island, a feisty Meryl Streep, and a very content little baby. I was definitely ready to do something for me and was so pleased with my little baby that she not only let me do it, but seemed to enjoy it too.

Now, as to the film itself, I was suspicious after first having seen the trailer back in the States, and then reading a review here in Norway by Morgenbladet's bad-boy art critic, Tommy Olsson, who ripped it apart (if you know Norwegian, you can read it here). But then dance professor and reviewer Sidsel Pape's response (which you can find here) got me interested: her point is that the film is all about women enjoying themselves, enjoying the sensation of dancing to ABBA. Now that's something I can definitely relate to. So I went, and I loved it. If I were a rich man, I'd go every week. Now I look forward to when I can go to baby bio again, with Lilly, and maybe Leighton too, to see a film in a movie theater with other moms and dads and their babies.

favorite toys

In the middle of our living room, where a big clunky table used to be, we now have play mats and toys for Lilly. Most of the days are spent either on the floor with her or nearby, half watching her, half cooking or cleaning or reading or doing something online. She's so independent now, she can play by herself for a good hour before she gets bored.

Her favorite toys these days are a purple pair of slippers with cow faces and bells. When she's on her back she'll reach for them with her hands and make music by kicking vigorously. When she's on her belly, she'll reach for the same slippers to chew on them or pound her fist on them or shake them, again to make sound. She loves making sounds these days, including with her voice, which can reach a remarkably high pitch.

This foldout "book" or what-do-you-want-to-call-it was her first favorite toy. She found some interest in it again today as you can see below in the photo and video sequence. (Our camera only lets us shoot video for 60 sec., that's why there are three little snippets. The first one is only half a minute long; I got the giggles and accidentally ended it when she really got down to business with the poor little cow.) She also loves the soft toy book, rattle and biting ring you'll see scattered around her on the floor.

day of joy

I had told Leighton that if McCain wins, we're staying in Norway. Last night we went to bed anxious with anticipation. Early this morning, Leighton got up to check the news, and then we huddled together in front of the television to watch Barack Obama's speech. Leighton and I got all emotional and Lilly was transfixed. Here she is watching Obama and Biden.

books

I'm surprised it's been almost a month since I last posted something; in my head I've been blogging all along. I've also been reading quite a bit; it's easy to do when Lilly nurses. First I read Marianne Mjaaland's most recent novel, 13. uke (2008), which deals with abortion. It initiated much discussion here in Norway, including a debate in Morgenbladet between sociologist Willy Pedersen and the author, who's also a medical doctor, that you can read here. Then I moved on to Dag Solstad's Professor Andersens natt (1996), Armand V. Fotnoter til en uutgravd roman (2006), T. Singer (1999), and Ellevte roman, bok atten (1992; coming out in English this Christmas). T. Singer didn't grab me much at first, but the portrayal of T. Singer's relationship to his stepdaughter in the book's final part is very moving. Armand V. and Ellevte roman, bok atten also contain interesting portraits of father-son relationships. Right now I'm reading Per Petterson's Til Sibir (1996; To Siberia, 1998) while I'm on a wait list at the library to check out his most recent novel, Jeg forbanner tidens elv (2008), which have received excellent reviews (Graywolf will publish it in the US).

Leighton's of course busy reading all the time; I think it's his favorite part of grad school. Everyday over dinner he shares interesting parts from his readings, mostly very complex theoretical stuff. For fun he's also reading Solstad's Professor Andersens natt (also to learn more Norwegian) and The Lazarus Project (2008) by Aleksandar Hemon.

And finally, Lilly. Like her mama and papa she seems to have a passion for books, as the below photo and videos show. She loves her soft toy books in particular. Since she'll suck and chew on just about anything she gets her hands on these days, books with paper sheets are not safe around her (I had to tape some pages in a library book).

snø

It's snowing in Oslo! Fun and exciting for us. And this is Lilly's first snow, so to speak. Well, anyway, just thought you should know.

fire måneder

Our Lilly turned 4 months today. We celebrated with a saft and farris mix for mama and papa, a big Skål for our big girl. Gratulerer med dagen, Lilly!

As you all know, we are very proud of Lilly and excited to share with you all her new developments. Included below are a couple of videos with lots of talking and laughing. And just watch her exercising in her baby gym!

!!We've also added a new photo link on the sidebar!!

mother's guilt

Every day I'm struck by pangs of mother's guilt: Her tummy seems upset; did I eat something last night that's causing this? Her eyes look gooey; have I not been careful enough keeping them clean? She seems tired; am I not doing good enough of a job helping her sleep? She's not happy in the pool; should I not have brought her to baby swimming class today? She seems to be in agony; is she processing trauma from the hospital stay after birth? Why didn't I do a better job protecting her there against the medical personnel, by standing up against the doctors, sheltering her from their invasive tests and screenings and so-called "treatment"? Her feet are cold; how could I forget those woolen socks? She's too warm; how could I think that she'd be fine with both a blanket and a comforter in the stroller? She has dry skin behind her ears; how could I let that happen, even after having read about it? She's scratched herself; how come I can never keep up with her nails?

The list is endless.

And now Lilly's teething. Rationally, I know this is not "my fault." But again, there's the feeling of guilt. Why did we not bring those teething rings? Clearly we did not have our priorities straight when packing. Who cares about our things if we could sacrifice somethings for her. And how could we take her out for dinner both Saturday and Sunday, even if it's just over to friends and family, when she's clearly not doing well? Lilly now has a gooey eye, achy gums, and a little big of congestion.

On top of all this, I have a couple of fast approaching deadlines looming over me (a grant application and an article). Our medical bills are overdue, but I first need to sort through all the statements before we pay any of them. I haven't had any time to work on an article I promised an editor I'd try to write. And I'm also supposed to review a book. Clearly, I'm hoping for less stressful days soon; in particular, relief for Lilly from aches and discomfort, and for me. Though I don't think I'll be able to escape mother's guilt anytime soon.

postscript: after I finished writing this, Lilly slept for another hour and I got to practice some yoga. For a moment, I've found some calm. Now Lilly's waking up and is all smiles! :)

new developments

As of last night Lilly has been biting her lower lip, or sucking on it, whatever. She has been sucking on her fingers and hands now for a while, but this is a new development. And this morning she has been attacking her bamse (teddy bear) and also my shoulder, biting with her gums. What's up?

Well, everything about this little girl is cute and adorable, of course. And these are just a couple of the many things that she does that make me fall in love with my daughter every day.
-Leighton

janitor sleep

It has happened; what I dreaded about motherhood has affected me: I have come down with mush brain. Not all of the time, I don't think. But at times I find myself not able to complete sentences I've begun, unable to take in the news or digest the content of what I read in the paper. I've paid for groceries in the store but forgotten to take them with me. I forget things in general. One day it's Lilly's jacket. Another, extra diapers. The cause of all this: janitor sleep (vaktmestersøvn). Of course, I can't remember who introduced me to the term. But I believe it quite accurately describes the state of sleep I'm able to, not fall into, but quietly hover in as I watch over Lilly. I found it rather excruciating last week when I was low down with a cold. Lilly was sound asleep in her own bed, and I was ready to conk out in the other bedroom, but I could not. I had Leighton come home to watch her, but even then I wasn't able to give in to deep sleep.

And even if Lilly's doing just fine, sleeping sweetly, I lie down next to her at night and remain in an alert state. Other moms tell me the same thing; they notice they don't move around in bed anymore. And not just moms who, like me, sleep with their babies in the same bed. Even moms whose babies sleep in their own beds report that they don't move around in bed anymore. I'm surprised this doesn't hurt the body more than the occasional stiff neck and sore back. I do move, but consciously. At first, I only had two different positions in bed: on my left side, with Lilly facing me/my boob. Or, vice versa, on the right side. Lilly now allows me to roll over to my back, with an arm around her. She too will roll over on her back. She's so independent now! ;)

I've just about completely recovered from my cold. Lilly slept from 8 p.m. and only woke to eat at midnight and around 5 a.m. and she's still in bed (it's 10:30 a.m.). It's raining outside. This morning I've had the chance to read a little in a novel and practice some yoga. My brain may be mushy, but I feel otherwise good. Content.

teary eye

From birth or shortly thereafter, Lilly's left eye has been watery and the eyelid red. Leighton and I worry that the oxygen mask, which was put on Lilly right after birth, poked her eye and caused this redness and perhaps also did damage to the tear duct (to Leighton, who was with Lilly when she had the oxygen mask on, it did look as if the mask was poking her eye. The nurses put the mask on upside-down, to better cover her tiny face. But this way the chin part of the mask hit her eye region). Our midwife and the doctors and nurses we've seen, on the other hand, seem to think it's a "stork bite" that will go away (note here that such marks also can be caused by trauma to the skin). The local helsesøster (nurse at the health station) thinks it's a "blocked tear duct in infants" (medfødt tåreveistilstoppelse). This affects 6 - 20% babies (depending on which article you read, here's another one). It means that when the baby is born, the lower tear duct is blocked where there's supposed to be a little opening leading into the nose so that tears can drain into it. Typically this hole opens up on its own within the first year of baby's life. Our helsesøster advised us to put pressure on each side of baby's upper nose, by/on the tear sac and duct, to trigger the hole to open (in other words, you would massage downwards; some advise massage upwards to empty fluid that has gathered in the sac into the eye). Now, it's not known if this actually helps. In fact, it's a controversial practice that may even lead to infection.

The reason I'm doing all this extra research about it now, is that Lilly's eye has been seeming a little more irritated these past days. This could be for various reasons:

• After I saw the helsesøster again for Lilly's 3-month check-up, I've been massaging her tear ducts more frequently. Maybe this has indeed irritated the eyelid tissue and contributed to infection.
• During one "massage" last week, a lot of white thicker fluid came out. Maybe this caused the irritation? Or maybe this indicates infection had already developed in the sac? Did I apply too much pressure, causing this white stuff to come out? Maybe it was good, necessary, even, to empty the sac of this white goo?
  
• Maybe we've not been careful enough when keeping the eye clean, using less clean fingers and somwhat dirty burp rags sometimes?
• Maybe it's because of the cold I've been having? Maybe it's also affected her? Maybe she also has a little cold?
  

In either case, we don't know yet if it's an infection or just some irritation, and, if it is an infection, if it's viral or bacterial. For now, we're keeping it clean, and watching it. Dr. Sears recommends applying drops of breast milk in baby's eye and I might try some of that.

father and daughter

A while back my mother sent this picture of me, along with a picture of Lilly, comparing the two of us. I can't remember which picture of Lilly. Below is Lilly at 2 weeks--the picture of me is at 4 weeks. I've also included some unpublished photos from our days in Northfield.

the influence of weather

Lilly and I are a bit under the weather, just as the gorgeous fall weather arrived. Yesterday, we stayed home and rested. Today, we're going to venture out into the sun again. We're both feeling a little better. I took this picture up at Sognsvann a couple of days ago.



That same day, Leighton came home a little earlier and we enjoyed ourselves in the sun here in the student dorm village before he went out to see Ibsen's Rosmersholm at the National theater.



Finally, here's a little video from this morning, our "diaper-free" baby...



Postscript: Here we are at Sognsvann today, getting our D-vitamins.

diaper-free baby

We first learned about "diaper-free" babies towards the end of my pregnancy. We picked up this book and decided to practice "elimination communication" (EC) with Lilly from when she was born. After a big bowel movement right at birth, Lilly didn't poop again till she was three days old. At six days, we caught her first poop in the toilet and then two more that same day. We were off to a flying start!

We found that raising a baby diaper-free really is more about communication than about not using the diaper. When we started picking up on Lilly's signals that she was about to poop (grunting, straining), we would respond by cuing her (also grunting) and taking her to the bathroom. Here's an early example of me cuing Lilly over the toilet:



Eventually I began to tone down my cues somewhat. Holding her over the toilet would often be sufficient, as you'll see in this little clip:



I really appreciate EC'ing as an early form of communication. Even before Lilly started smiling, cooing, babbling, and laughing, we were in tune.

I also really appreciate the point about "diaper-free" not meaning that the baby is completely free or out of diapers. It's "free" as in not entirely dependent on diapers. Though we do catch some pees in the toilet, Lilly does typically pee in her diaper. And during her recent spell of upset stomach (brought about by pickled herring?) we caught almost none of her poops in the toilet. We still tried, but she was in so much pain I was just happy when she did eventually poop.

Typically, if we don't catch a poop in the toilet, we'll agree that we saw it coming. Practicing EC, we will change Lilly's diaper as soon as we can tell that she's pooped in it. Yesterday she had one big bowel movement over the toilet, and then one big one that began in the diaper and continued on the changing table. If we don't catch it in the toilet, she does at least seem to prefer to poop on the changing table, without the diaper on. Which is still "diaper-free." But of course, a poop in the toilet makes for much easier cleaning up!

For more information about diaper-free practices, check out this site: DiaperFreeBaby

no more pickled herring

I discovered there are certain things I can't eat without causing Lilly an upset (gassy and achy) stomach. For me they are:
* raw onion (especially when it's kind of fermented, as in pickled herring, or in that Santa Fe salad I had which Leighton makes, and it's really yummy when it's fresh, with beans and corn and red onion, but when it's been sitting in the fridge for some days it's not so good -- for Lilly, at least). I have been able to have raw onion in fresh salsas and salad. If the onion's fresh, it seems to be okay, on all of us.
* cabbage: this one's on the top of all lists of gas inducing products, but I didn't stop to think -- before I ate -- last weekend when we were invited over to my parents' place for "fårikål" (a traditional lamb and cabbage stew). We did not have such a great time at the baby swimming the following day, to say the least...
* She seems fine with spicy food and beans, thank goodness. We eat a lot of both.
After I stopped eating pickled herring for lunch (to my chagrin; eating my daily hard boiled eggs while I was pregnant, I was really looking forward to soft boiled eggs and I've so been enjoying them with that pickled herring. Oh well.) and picked out the cabbage from the leftover fårikål, Lilly's been quite happy.

And as we're talking about how my intake affects her; if I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine or beer, she does seem to sleep more the following day. Now this is something I could easily take advantage of, but I haven't and will not, promise! But it does make for some mellow weekends, for Leighton and I to get some reading, writing, and blogging done (as in now!).

--
postscript: On Sunday, the day after I wrote the above, Lilly slept for a full three hours, from noon till three. And I had not had any wine or beer the evening before. Why does she never sleep like this on a weekday? Could she tell it's the weekend and people are relaxing? Is it the reassuring sound of two parents being home, putsing around? Or the weekly bath she receives on Sunday mornings? This is a great puzzle to me...

fun at the babygym

Lilly loves her new bouncer and activity mat. She'll talk to the little animals that move and make sounds when she hits them and pull on the butterflies that hang over her head on the mat. She lifts her legs high up in the air and talks with delight and sincerity. None of the videos do justice to the fun she has (and we have, watching her), but it gives you an idea...



At three months, Lilly has entered a new level of independent action (it's true, life does change after the "fourth trimester!"). She'll wake up and be very active on her activity mat for a while, then ready for a half hour power nap in her bed. Then up again, exploring the world, loves it when we go for a walk and she can face the world from, say her BabyBjorn (with her back towards my chest), and then hates it if I put her down in the stroller too soon. After another couple of hours she will be ready to be put down and will sleep hard for another short half hour. This continues till she's ready for bed, which happens earlier now, around 8 p.m. or so. Last week, she slept by her self (!!) a little in the evening before we came to bed.

everyday life in Norway

So by now we've settled into a rhythm with daily routines. Leighton's a diligent graduate student, enjoying his reading and seminars. He's already had to turn in a short paper. This week, he's off to Skien, where Ibsen was born, for a couple of days with his program. It'll be our first night apart as a family. Lilly goes to bed with us in the evening and sleeps for a good 12 hours, so I have until around 10 - 11 a.m. to read the paper, do some email, and then dabble with my own writing. Leighton's at the Ibsen center 9 a.m. till 5 p.m., except on Mondays when he meets me at the gym at 3:30 so I can work out a little after Lilly and I are done swimming in the pool.

Lilly's turning 3 months tomorrow. She weighs about twice her birth weight and is a very curious and awake little person. She doesn't nap much during the day; she prefers to explore the world, interact with people, work out in her baby gym, study toys and objects. On Mondays, we go to babyswimming and on Wednesdays, we go to an aerobic class for new moms with babies. She loves looking at the other babies, reaching out to touch at times.

The other days, we go out for walks or we run some errands. I love walking around Sognsvann, a lake just 20 minutes up from where we live. We've also walked along Akerselva, a river on the east side of Oslo; around Akershus festning, the old castle and fortress; in Slottsparken, the park around the castle; and in the Vigelands park with its amazing sculptures.

In the weekend, the three of us go for walks together, visit with friends and family, get some house chores done, and relax at home. We've been to some parties and recpetions, Lilly comes along to everything and is always the center of attention. Except for my 40 mintues at the gym every Monday, I've not been apart from Lilly yet. I don't think we're ready; I've pumped but she doesn't want the bottle. And I'm happy to take her along to various talks, meetings, and parties. She's typically quite content and it stimulates her curious mind.

Leighton's been updating the photo gallery; click here or on the link to "Norway" under Photos to the right. The newest additions are at the bottom of the gallery page.

my own and and someone else's

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how we define "identity" and the implications of possessive pronouns. A friend of mine who's also a new mom pointed out to me how we tend to think of our new babies as distinctly ours while we refuse our own mothers to think of or relate to us as theirs. I speak of Lilly as my baby and do in a sense think of her as my possession. At the same time I'm quite aware of how she's growing into her own being, every day she's more independent.

On the other hand, I am very much Lilly's mama and not just my own being. The boundary between her body and mine does not seem to exist to her. I've described myself as a human pillow; to Lilly I also seem to be an extension of her flesh. And she is a germinated part of me -- and Leighton.

I've been working so hard in my adult life to establish and maintain healthy boundaries; with Lilly I can't even seem to define my own identity. I am my own, but I am also hers, my body does not end with me. When I'm not with Lilly, I feel a part of me is missing. I itch to get up and do things when I hold her, but I can't be away for too long.

Yesterday Lilly was resting peacefully in her new crib as I was trying to get a few things done. I managed to clean up in the kitchen and make lunch, but then wasn't able to eat it on my own in the kitchen. Feeling slightly self-conscious, I took my plate and cup with me and ate my sandwich standing by Lilly's crib. I returned to the kitchen halfway through my sandwich (determined to manifest some independent adult behavior), but then Lilly was the one who got fussy and required my presence. We're two needy ones these days, Lilly and I. But as she is gradually becoming her own, what I am is also shifting back into place. Sort of. A part of me will always be outside of me, and my heart will from now on always feel a tug I never felt before.

being and doing

Every day I'm reminded of the challenges in just being, as opposed to doing. Lilly is growing so fast and it is just so amazing to follow her new developments! Yet, despite many years of yoga and meditation practice, it's a struggle for me to stay present, mindful of the moment, just being with her. No matter how much I enjoy it (and how could I not! she's precious, gorgeous, and amazing), my body is always itching to do this and that and my mind is constantly busy, thinking of what I need to get done, what I'd like to write.

These days I'm not the only one eager to do things though; Lilly is too! She is so curious about life! She sleeps well at night and then makes up for it by being bright awake all day (yesterday she was awake from when she got up, at 11 a.m., till bed time, around 9:30 p.m. -- and she didn't get fussy). She has her big eyes wide open and her little forehead all wrinkled up as she gazes intently at our faces, a high contrast children's book, the ceiling of her stroller (instructions in black and white), somebody's black and white shoes. She smiles more, and she talks lots! With great joy and sincerity. She yawns and she coos, stretches and kicks her legs. She's less busy conducting her orchestra (in the beginning she would flail her arms around as if conducting), and will reach out with better aim now to touch an arm or a boob or my hair. She's been peeing and pooping in the toilet (we brought an empty container for our big flight and she peed in that once, but then didn't poop at all during that long flight); I don't have to cue her (by grunting) as much anymore; as soon as I hold her over the toilet she takes care of all the grunting herself as she bears down (while grunting like an old man cleaning his throat). She'll snore when she falls asleep in my arms at night, and she sneezes cute little baby sneezes. And, she's busy growing! We went on the scale with her this weekend and she now weighs more than 5 kg.! Our little girl is almost twice the weight she was at birth (which was a little over 3 kg.). She's outgrown her newborn clothes and since she's so long she's about ready to wear size 3-6 months. But we cling to size 0-3 months and dress her in that, for now.

sleeping

I know this is kind of unusual for new parents, so I figure it's worth a post: we're getting more sleep now than we did during and before I was pregnant. Since Lilly doesn't want to sleep without having us with her in bed, typically snuggled close up to my body, we go to bed between nine and ten, and then we sleep, soundly. The other night, Lilly slept for nine hours without waking. Most nights I feed Lilly after anywhere between 4 - 7 hours, but she doesn't quite wake up for those feedings, she just grunts a little and searches for the nipple, and then settles down again after a few sips. Yesterday I fed her a little around 4 a.m. and then again around 7:30 a.m. and then she kept on sleeping till around 11 a.m. Leighton and I got up at 10 a.m. -- 12 hours of sleep was a little too much of a good thing for me though, I felt groggy the rest of the day. But at least we're not sleep deprived! And I do cherish our nights together, Lilly's warm body close to mine, and she truly does look like an angel at night.

settling into life in Norway

It's almost been a week since we arrived in Oslo and we're slowly getting settled into life here. The flight over went really well; Lilly slept the entire time, except when nursing. Here we are on our way from Minneapolis to Iceland.

My dad picked us up at the airport with a trailer for all of our luggage. By now we've been able to unpack all of it, and we've also managed to get the apartment into somewhat of a decent shape (spending two full days cleaning it, about which we're not too happy). The first day here was gorgeous and we enjoyed it wandering around in the sunshine. Lilly got a pair of sunglasses at H&M and we had dinner at Cafe Celsius, where we had our wedding reception last year. The other days we've been busy getting misc. stuff done (signing apartment contract, getting "barnetrygd" (child support) for Lilly and residence permit for Leighton). We've been out to Asker (where I grew up) twice, Sunday to visit Lilly's mormor and morfar and today to spend the day with Katrine and Cecilie, good friends of mine from high school. We've got more social visits lined up tomorrow and Friday, as well as a trip to the tax office and health station to get properly registered and signed up in the system here. Starting Monday, Leighton will be busy with orientation and registration at the University of Oslo. I'm going to see how I can get Lilly and I signed up for baby swimming at the student gym.

Leighton's posted some pics. from our first week here in our blog (see link to the right under "Photos") and soon we both hope to find some more time for email, skype and of course more posts here! I'm sure Leighton will report on life as a graduate student in Ibsen studies, and I'll let you know what mischief Lilly and I are up to.

getting ready to go, etc.

Sorry not many new posts in the last little while. We've been busy. Every day, lots to do. We hope to have most of everything done this weekend; Monday is for the finishing touches, Tuesday we're taking off for my (Leighton's) birthday, and then Wednesday we leave. That's the plan at least.

Anyway, as always, it's just as fun for us sharing and updating the blog as it is for you to read new posts and see new photos and videos, I'm sure, so don't think we've quit it when nothing new shows up for a while. And even if nothing new is on the blog, you can always check Lilly's photo link, which we do update occasionally.

a few new photos and a video

Lilly napping on the futon

Lilly and Sebastian (born June 4)

Lorna, Sebastian and Jeff

Family photo

Lilly posing in her new dress

Lilly in her car seat, not doing much at all except being Lilly

the wonders and lessons of labor

Our midwife Rachel showing us a rainbow of hope on the first evening of a three-day long labor


Many have winced when they hear about my 64-hour long labor. But when I think back on the experience, it's not with a sense of dread, but with a sense of awe and amazement. There were times when I felt disappointed things weren't moving ahead more quickly or easily, yet throughout it all I felt strong and empowered. When it was time to start pushing, after 63 hours, I felt so victorious! Pushing was immensely rewarding. Between contractions I told everyone in the room that if it's a girl, we should name her Victoria, for victory, after my grandmother (her middle name). But when Lilly was born, she looked too delicate for such a grand name; she looked more like a Lilly. Feminine, but strong. When I was a a little girl, my grandmother would tell me stories about another little girl, called Lilly. Our little daughter reminds me of that girl.

My long labor was a lesson that some good things come in their own sweet time. I've always taken pride in being quick, efficient, and independent. But during my long labor I had to be patient, and I ultimately had to accept the gift of help. Everyday with Lilly I've been needing to ask for help. I've been needing to be patient too, but that's been harder. It's difficult to sink into Lilly time; in the back of my mind are lists of things I'd like to get done as we prepare for our move to Norway. And also emails I'd like to write. Or blog posts! Or journal entries. Lilly's wants are her needs and I do my best to stay focused on her and them. But sometimes I just really would like to focus on my own needs and wants as well! Like taking my time in the bathroom. Practice some yoga. Do some writing.

Nursing is a precious time to care for Lilly, and now I've found a way to care for some of my needs for intellectual stimulation as well while she eats: I read, carefully and diligently (I've never read Mothering or Morgenbladet so thoroughly before). I've also gotten better at eating and nursing at the same time.

Lilly on my brestfriend eating, while I'm eating

Lilly walking

Lilly posing for the camera before taking a few steps...

...count all seven of them!

hiccups

One minute of hiccups... What will we post next?

fjerde juli

Mama cooling off in the pool (for all of a minute and a half)

Papa on the other side of the driveway, in the shade with Lilly

We didn't spend much time outside because it was too hot for Lilly but we did grill sweet corn and chicken for dinner, which, incidentally, I burnt. (Anne says it was good, though.) Now were getting ready for bed. Fireworks are at ten, but we might be sleeping by then. Happy Forth.

look how much she's grown

We can't believe how much Lilly has grown in just two weeks. Not only is she getting chubbier and looking less like a newborn, she's also getting longer and actually growing into some of those newborn clothes which were so big at first. Sooner than later she will have outgrown those and the newborn diapers too. Here's a picture of mama admiring Lilly all wrapped up as a cute bundle in the fetal position, more the size she was two weeks ago.

mama and papa have an anniversary

Lilly and mama sleeping

Lilly in the morning, sneezing, etc.

Lilly in the car seat while mama and papa eat dinner

Lilly eating dinner at the restaurant

(June 30, 2008)

celebrating all of Lilly at two weeks

cute feet

cute bum

Lilly holding her head up, getting some exercise

(Lilly, Anne and midwife Rachel at the two-week postnatal check-up)

sleeping in, waking up

Actually, she fell back to sleep right after this.

dinner in the wrap

We were having a hard time getting to dinner tonight without Lilly fussing, so we thought to put her in the Moby wrap because she likes the close body contact, especially during her afternoon fussy period. Sure enough, she was as content as could be and fell asleep half way through the meal. Problem solved: she gets what she wants, and we get to eat. We even got a walk in after dinner. Yay for Moby!

Lilly napping

Lilly napping in bed

Lilly waking up from a nap out on the porch

sunday afternoon nap with mama and papa

Today we celebrated Lilly's one-week birthday with Matt, Amanda and Avery who brought a yummy mushroom quiche and rosemary potatoes brunch. Then we spent the afternoon napping, catching up on some needed Z's.

Above is a picture of mama and baby regaining consciousness after three long hours. Below are video clips of Lilly: listen for parental cameos and a couple of sound effects by our dainty little girl.

our happy healthy baby

A day at home was all our baby needed to make it clear to everyone what a happy and healthy little girl she is. That's exactly what I thought, hence my happy look in this picture where I was getting Lilly dressed and ready to leave Mayo clinic on Wednesday.

Other than needing a little help breathing at first, and some photo-therapy to help her pass the bilirubin (jaundice), all tests have now come back fine. Yesterday afternoon, we went in to see the local pediatrician at Northfield Hospital, Dr. Amunrud, and he was very pleased with Lilly's progress. She's already gained above what she lost after birth, is eating and eliminating well, has lots of bright and alert time, and has a vigorous cry when she cries (which isn't often). We will want to do follow-up checks of her platelet count to see whether or not she has thrombocytopenia from her papa, but other than that we are done with all hospitals, at least for now.

On Thursday, we went out for our first stroll. Here's Lilly in her BOB stroller and a proud papa wearing his new cap (recognize it?), a belated father's day gift from Lilly and mama.

Much of the time is spent Lilly gazing. It's so much fun to watch her different faces and gestures! Here she is looking all sophisticated in her newborn outfit from Kimberly.

Here she is in a position I recognize from when she was in my womb. That top leg is the one I felt kicking so much!

While gazing at Lilly, we are also getting to know her various signals. I was very proud this morning to catch one of her pees and poops in the toilette. She is clearly a diaper-free baby by nature.

first days of life

While still inside of my belly, I had the impression our baby would be a strong-willed optimistic little one with her determined kicks and movements. Indeed, Lilly did so well during an extremely long labor. Her heartbeat was great until just a couple of hours before birth when it dropped a little and the nurses had me breath through an oxygen mask to boost the baby. Also, the umbilical cord was tied around her neck at birth. Lilly did not start breathing on her own right away, and so after only seconds on my chest, she was whisked away by the nurses who proceeded to massage her to get her going. After that, she was taken to the nursery and placed in an incubator to increase her oxygen level, and various tests were taken before she returned to my arms a couple of hours later.

The saga continued the day after birth with more tests and (in my opinion) unnecessary screenings (such as an ultrasound of the head to check for internal bleeding, of which there was none). The early blood work showed a quite low platelets count and an increased white blood cell count, but those levels soon evened out (her little body might just have prepared for the worst during those intense hours of labor). Yet, the pediatrician at Albert Lea requested we transfer to the neonatal intensive care unit at the Mayo clinic for further (and very expensive) follow-up, which we did Monday evening. At Mayo, Lilly was treated for high bilirubin levels (jaundice) and placed under photo-therapy lamps.

We were finally discharged from Mayo yesterday afternoon and Lilly is now receiving the best of care at home with periodic exposure to sun light and frequent nursing followed by good poops and pees to pass the bilirubin. We're in touch with a pediatrician at Northfield Hospital and of course, Rachel, our midwife, who'll come check on us this weekend.

my birth story

In short; it was long and amazing. I am so proud and impressed by what the body can accomplish, both my own and my baby's. Maybe women are given the kind of labor experience that best can teach them the lesson they will most need in the time ahead (our midwife Rachel passed this theory on to us). My labor definitely emphasized the significance of patience and endurance, but ultimately it came down to me accepting the gift of help.

It seems maybe some scar tissue on my cervix, the result of some cryo therapy (basically freezing of the cervical tissue) done some years ago after an irregular pap smear, contributed to the long and difficult dilation period. There may have been other factors too; during labor baby suddenly shifted position to a less ideal one, but we got her to move back. Since my labor was so long, the homebirth setting was ideal for me; I could move around, labor in the tub Rachel brought us, was free to eat and drink, and was given massage and comfort from Leighton and Rachel.

By Saturday evening, the membranes had ruptured. The risk of bacterial infection increases after 18-24 hours, so seeing there was still no baby by Sunday morning, Rachel felt it was safest that we transfer to a hospital for antibiotics and completion of labor there. However, at Northfield Hospital, the ob. gyn. on call (unfortunately not the ob. gyn. who had offered to serve as a back-up for my homebirth) said she'd accept me only for an immediate C-section and would not let me try for a vaginal birth. We tried Faribault Hospital next, but there they basically said that what they said at Northfield Hospital goes for Faribault Hospital too. Then Rachel called Albert Lea Hospital where Rachel also works in the lab; here the ob. gyn. on call said she'd let me try for a vaginal birth, with the help of some pitocin (synthetically produced oxytocin, the hormone that causes contractions).

At Albert Lea Hospital, we were able to proceed with our wishes for a natural drug-free vaginal birth, with the help of pitocin and a crew of respectful and encouraging medical personnel. I will remain most grateful to Serina who encouraged me to push when I was ready (and who helped get me ready by pushing back the cervical lip that had developed when Lilly was in the less ideal position) and Dr. Nainani who helped me stretch and not tear. Receiving the baby, Dr. Nainani passed little Lilly on to Rachel who gave her to me. It was a blissful moment.

Here I am with my prize, flanked by my support team (which of course also includes Leighton, but he's taking the picture): our nurse Serina to the left and our midwife Rachel to the right.

Lilly Sabo-Hambrick

Announcing Lilly Sabo-Hambrick!

After 64 hours of labor, our beautiful daughter Lilly finally arrived Sunday evening, June 15th, at 9:50 p.m., measuring 6 lbs. 15.6 oz. (3.165 kg) and 19 in. (48 cm).

The three of us are all doing well now. We have quite the birth story to share, but more about that later.

Very enthusiastically,
Anne, Leighton and Lilly

passing time

We've concluded our baby's determined to teach us the art of patience. In that spirit (and since we've been acting incredibly goofy these last few days; anything gives us the most unstoppable giggles), we thought we'd make a dedicated effort to act calmly and serenely today. I began by doing some prenatal yoga this morning. When everything else hurts--standing, sitting, lying down, walking--yoga still feels good. (Unfortunately, this doesn't mean that I practice it every day.) Somehow, my belly feels less cumbersome when I practice yoga; it even looks more modest, I think. Wouldn't you agree, if you were to compare the picture Leighton took of me doing a warrior pose with the post-yoga belly pictures?!



After yoga, we walked downtown and had lunch at Hogan Brothers. Here's my lovely husband enjoying his soup, sandwich, and cherry coke.

After lunch, we went window shopping. It was a beautiful sunny day, which got Leighton thinking he ought to get a cap (since he doesn't wear sun glasses). Doesn't he look handsome in this one?

Before supper, we went over to the Japanese Garden at Carleton College and sat there in stillness for a while. Then after supper, we went downtown again for some ice cream and to people watch. We've been going kind of overboard on the ice cream lately, but since we've had two days off, and since we're still waiting for baby, it felt like an indulgence we could make room for within the parameters of a calm and serene day...