I went to the library again this week to check out some more books; contemporary Norwegian fiction for me (I've moved on to Jan Kjærstad whose writing I find more constructed and clever than Per Petterson's and I don't really like that, but he has been awarded the Nordic Prize for Literature), and books on tegn til tale (we will use this as our Norwegian version of signing with your baby) for Lilly. It struck me that I haven't really been interested in reading books on child rearing or child development. When I was pregnant, all I wanted to read (aside from all the books I had to read for my courses) was books on birth and pregnancy. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I also read books on attachment parenting, raising a child bilingually, raising a child diaper-free, breast feeding, and vaccines (see our complete book lists in the right margin of this page). And I read about how motherhood makes us smarter, and about the price of motherhood; challenges that face working moms in the US in particular.
I think there are two main reasons for why I steer away from books on child rearing and child development. Firstly, here in Norway everyone seems to read Anna Wahlgren's Barneboka, and Gro Nylander. Whereas in the US, I observed a range of various approaches to child rearing, here in Norway I sense a general consensus on proper child rearing that while it allows for diversity and difference does so within the framework of commonality. This bothers me.
Secondly, I really enjoy reading fiction. But in the US I had to read so much fiction for work, which takes away from that indulgent feeling of reading a good novel for the sheer joy of it. Now that I'm not teaching or writing about literature, I can really enjoy reading for its own sake. Also, I prefer learning from the memoirs of Anne Lamott and Louise Erdrich recounting the first years of their babies, or the reflections of T. Singer, one of Dag Solstad's protagonists (in the novel by the same name), as he observes the growth and development of his step-daughter. These voices really moved me and taught me something profound about some of the many aspects of parenting.
3 comments:
Interesting. Much to my surprise, I too have almost completely avoided all books on child rearing. I guess I feel like research is my job, and I'd rather spend the time with my child, rather than reading about being with a child.
I also don't want to get wrapped up in the whole "perfect mother" syndrome, where you're constantly worried about not doing everything perfectly. I'm interested in finding out who my son is as a person, not in trying to shape him into the ideal child.
So, I just muddle through, doing the best I can.
Hi there!!! I miss you so much! Reading fiction is so good, it helps with that mom sleep trouble because you focus on something other than the baby, something that you enjoy. Not that you don't enjoy the baby, you know what I mean :-)
Interesting. I find I've been reading a ton of child rearing books. You see, I read just about all the books I could find on dog training when we got our puppy and found them fascinating. There are several major schools of thought on dog training and I definitely don't agree with everything I read. But I'm really glad I read all the books. I now know where I fit in the whole system and I got lots of good advice. Plus we're routinely complimented on having the best behaved dog in the world. And, thanks to the whole positive school of dog training, almost the whole training process has been fun and pleasant.
So far, I find that the baby is similar. I try to read all the major books on parenting that other parents may be reading (or as much as I can fit in in the 15 minutes of spare time I have everyday before I fall asleep, exhausted from living, working, and, well, um, parenting). I've picked up some great tips for problem solving this way as well as some comforting ways of looking at things.
These books are definitely NOT making me into a perfect mother. But they are giving me a little insight into what the heck the other parents on the playground are thinking. And they are replacing a teeny bit of what I long for every day: the chance to talk to my great grandmother who died in 1933 after raising the 10 of her 14 children who lived. I just know she would have had answers to almost all my questions.
Of course, I haven't read any fiction since the baby was born. I only vaguely miss it, too. I figure the books will still be there in a couple of years...
Tara
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