janitor sleep

It has happened; what I dreaded about motherhood has affected me: I have come down with mush brain. Not all of the time, I don't think. But at times I find myself not able to complete sentences I've begun, unable to take in the news or digest the content of what I read in the paper. I've paid for groceries in the store but forgotten to take them with me. I forget things in general. One day it's Lilly's jacket. Another, extra diapers. The cause of all this: janitor sleep (vaktmestersøvn). Of course, I can't remember who introduced me to the term. But I believe it quite accurately describes the state of sleep I'm able to, not fall into, but quietly hover in as I watch over Lilly. I found it rather excruciating last week when I was low down with a cold. Lilly was sound asleep in her own bed, and I was ready to conk out in the other bedroom, but I could not. I had Leighton come home to watch her, but even then I wasn't able to give in to deep sleep.

And even if Lilly's doing just fine, sleeping sweetly, I lie down next to her at night and remain in an alert state. Other moms tell me the same thing; they notice they don't move around in bed anymore. And not just moms who, like me, sleep with their babies in the same bed. Even moms whose babies sleep in their own beds report that they don't move around in bed anymore. I'm surprised this doesn't hurt the body more than the occasional stiff neck and sore back. I do move, but consciously. At first, I only had two different positions in bed: on my left side, with Lilly facing me/my boob. Or, vice versa, on the right side. Lilly now allows me to roll over to my back, with an arm around her. She too will roll over on her back. She's so independent now! ;)

I've just about completely recovered from my cold. Lilly slept from 8 p.m. and only woke to eat at midnight and around 5 a.m. and she's still in bed (it's 10:30 a.m.). It's raining outside. This morning I've had the chance to read a little in a novel and practice some yoga. My brain may be mushy, but I feel otherwise good. Content.

teary eye

From birth or shortly thereafter, Lilly's left eye has been watery and the eyelid red. Leighton and I worry that the oxygen mask, which was put on Lilly right after birth, poked her eye and caused this redness and perhaps also did damage to the tear duct (to Leighton, who was with Lilly when she had the oxygen mask on, it did look as if the mask was poking her eye. The nurses put the mask on upside-down, to better cover her tiny face. But this way the chin part of the mask hit her eye region). Our midwife and the doctors and nurses we've seen, on the other hand, seem to think it's a "stork bite" that will go away (note here that such marks also can be caused by trauma to the skin). The local helsesøster (nurse at the health station) thinks it's a "blocked tear duct in infants" (medfødt tåreveistilstoppelse). This affects 6 - 20% babies (depending on which article you read, here's another one). It means that when the baby is born, the lower tear duct is blocked where there's supposed to be a little opening leading into the nose so that tears can drain into it. Typically this hole opens up on its own within the first year of baby's life. Our helsesøster advised us to put pressure on each side of baby's upper nose, by/on the tear sac and duct, to trigger the hole to open (in other words, you would massage downwards; some advise massage upwards to empty fluid that has gathered in the sac into the eye). Now, it's not known if this actually helps. In fact, it's a controversial practice that may even lead to infection.

The reason I'm doing all this extra research about it now, is that Lilly's eye has been seeming a little more irritated these past days. This could be for various reasons:

• After I saw the helsesøster again for Lilly's 3-month check-up, I've been massaging her tear ducts more frequently. Maybe this has indeed irritated the eyelid tissue and contributed to infection.
• During one "massage" last week, a lot of white thicker fluid came out. Maybe this caused the irritation? Or maybe this indicates infection had already developed in the sac? Did I apply too much pressure, causing this white stuff to come out? Maybe it was good, necessary, even, to empty the sac of this white goo?
  
• Maybe we've not been careful enough when keeping the eye clean, using less clean fingers and somwhat dirty burp rags sometimes?
• Maybe it's because of the cold I've been having? Maybe it's also affected her? Maybe she also has a little cold?
  

In either case, we don't know yet if it's an infection or just some irritation, and, if it is an infection, if it's viral or bacterial. For now, we're keeping it clean, and watching it. Dr. Sears recommends applying drops of breast milk in baby's eye and I might try some of that.

father and daughter

A while back my mother sent this picture of me, along with a picture of Lilly, comparing the two of us. I can't remember which picture of Lilly. Below is Lilly at 2 weeks--the picture of me is at 4 weeks. I've also included some unpublished photos from our days in Northfield.

the influence of weather

Lilly and I are a bit under the weather, just as the gorgeous fall weather arrived. Yesterday, we stayed home and rested. Today, we're going to venture out into the sun again. We're both feeling a little better. I took this picture up at Sognsvann a couple of days ago.



That same day, Leighton came home a little earlier and we enjoyed ourselves in the sun here in the student dorm village before he went out to see Ibsen's Rosmersholm at the National theater.



Finally, here's a little video from this morning, our "diaper-free" baby...



Postscript: Here we are at Sognsvann today, getting our D-vitamins.

diaper-free baby

We first learned about "diaper-free" babies towards the end of my pregnancy. We picked up this book and decided to practice "elimination communication" (EC) with Lilly from when she was born. After a big bowel movement right at birth, Lilly didn't poop again till she was three days old. At six days, we caught her first poop in the toilet and then two more that same day. We were off to a flying start!

We found that raising a baby diaper-free really is more about communication than about not using the diaper. When we started picking up on Lilly's signals that she was about to poop (grunting, straining), we would respond by cuing her (also grunting) and taking her to the bathroom. Here's an early example of me cuing Lilly over the toilet:



Eventually I began to tone down my cues somewhat. Holding her over the toilet would often be sufficient, as you'll see in this little clip:



I really appreciate EC'ing as an early form of communication. Even before Lilly started smiling, cooing, babbling, and laughing, we were in tune.

I also really appreciate the point about "diaper-free" not meaning that the baby is completely free or out of diapers. It's "free" as in not entirely dependent on diapers. Though we do catch some pees in the toilet, Lilly does typically pee in her diaper. And during her recent spell of upset stomach (brought about by pickled herring?) we caught almost none of her poops in the toilet. We still tried, but she was in so much pain I was just happy when she did eventually poop.

Typically, if we don't catch a poop in the toilet, we'll agree that we saw it coming. Practicing EC, we will change Lilly's diaper as soon as we can tell that she's pooped in it. Yesterday she had one big bowel movement over the toilet, and then one big one that began in the diaper and continued on the changing table. If we don't catch it in the toilet, she does at least seem to prefer to poop on the changing table, without the diaper on. Which is still "diaper-free." But of course, a poop in the toilet makes for much easier cleaning up!

For more information about diaper-free practices, check out this site: DiaperFreeBaby

no more pickled herring

I discovered there are certain things I can't eat without causing Lilly an upset (gassy and achy) stomach. For me they are:
* raw onion (especially when it's kind of fermented, as in pickled herring, or in that Santa Fe salad I had which Leighton makes, and it's really yummy when it's fresh, with beans and corn and red onion, but when it's been sitting in the fridge for some days it's not so good -- for Lilly, at least). I have been able to have raw onion in fresh salsas and salad. If the onion's fresh, it seems to be okay, on all of us.
* cabbage: this one's on the top of all lists of gas inducing products, but I didn't stop to think -- before I ate -- last weekend when we were invited over to my parents' place for "fårikål" (a traditional lamb and cabbage stew). We did not have such a great time at the baby swimming the following day, to say the least...
* She seems fine with spicy food and beans, thank goodness. We eat a lot of both.
After I stopped eating pickled herring for lunch (to my chagrin; eating my daily hard boiled eggs while I was pregnant, I was really looking forward to soft boiled eggs and I've so been enjoying them with that pickled herring. Oh well.) and picked out the cabbage from the leftover fårikål, Lilly's been quite happy.

And as we're talking about how my intake affects her; if I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine or beer, she does seem to sleep more the following day. Now this is something I could easily take advantage of, but I haven't and will not, promise! But it does make for some mellow weekends, for Leighton and I to get some reading, writing, and blogging done (as in now!).

--
postscript: On Sunday, the day after I wrote the above, Lilly slept for a full three hours, from noon till three. And I had not had any wine or beer the evening before. Why does she never sleep like this on a weekday? Could she tell it's the weekend and people are relaxing? Is it the reassuring sound of two parents being home, putsing around? Or the weekly bath she receives on Sunday mornings? This is a great puzzle to me...

fun at the babygym

Lilly loves her new bouncer and activity mat. She'll talk to the little animals that move and make sounds when she hits them and pull on the butterflies that hang over her head on the mat. She lifts her legs high up in the air and talks with delight and sincerity. None of the videos do justice to the fun she has (and we have, watching her), but it gives you an idea...



At three months, Lilly has entered a new level of independent action (it's true, life does change after the "fourth trimester!"). She'll wake up and be very active on her activity mat for a while, then ready for a half hour power nap in her bed. Then up again, exploring the world, loves it when we go for a walk and she can face the world from, say her BabyBjorn (with her back towards my chest), and then hates it if I put her down in the stroller too soon. After another couple of hours she will be ready to be put down and will sleep hard for another short half hour. This continues till she's ready for bed, which happens earlier now, around 8 p.m. or so. Last week, she slept by her self (!!) a little in the evening before we came to bed.

everyday life in Norway

So by now we've settled into a rhythm with daily routines. Leighton's a diligent graduate student, enjoying his reading and seminars. He's already had to turn in a short paper. This week, he's off to Skien, where Ibsen was born, for a couple of days with his program. It'll be our first night apart as a family. Lilly goes to bed with us in the evening and sleeps for a good 12 hours, so I have until around 10 - 11 a.m. to read the paper, do some email, and then dabble with my own writing. Leighton's at the Ibsen center 9 a.m. till 5 p.m., except on Mondays when he meets me at the gym at 3:30 so I can work out a little after Lilly and I are done swimming in the pool.

Lilly's turning 3 months tomorrow. She weighs about twice her birth weight and is a very curious and awake little person. She doesn't nap much during the day; she prefers to explore the world, interact with people, work out in her baby gym, study toys and objects. On Mondays, we go to babyswimming and on Wednesdays, we go to an aerobic class for new moms with babies. She loves looking at the other babies, reaching out to touch at times.

The other days, we go out for walks or we run some errands. I love walking around Sognsvann, a lake just 20 minutes up from where we live. We've also walked along Akerselva, a river on the east side of Oslo; around Akershus festning, the old castle and fortress; in Slottsparken, the park around the castle; and in the Vigelands park with its amazing sculptures.

In the weekend, the three of us go for walks together, visit with friends and family, get some house chores done, and relax at home. We've been to some parties and recpetions, Lilly comes along to everything and is always the center of attention. Except for my 40 mintues at the gym every Monday, I've not been apart from Lilly yet. I don't think we're ready; I've pumped but she doesn't want the bottle. And I'm happy to take her along to various talks, meetings, and parties. She's typically quite content and it stimulates her curious mind.

Leighton's been updating the photo gallery; click here or on the link to "Norway" under Photos to the right. The newest additions are at the bottom of the gallery page.