last day in Apollonas: Lilly at the beach

Lilly walking and playing at the beach, here in Apollonas, on Naxos, in the Greek Cycladic islands, before we move on tomorrow, first a night in Athens, then one by the airport in Oslo, then over to Northfield, Minnesota where we'll spend this fall after a wonderful summer here in Greece.

As you'll see in this little video, Lilly has thoroughly enjoyed herself here in Greece, talking, walking, interacting with others (her favorite words are "Hei!" (hi) and "Jasso" (Greek for hi), "ha det" (bye) and "bye" (ha det). And BÆÆ to the goats. She'll miss the goats, Dick the dog, the people and children around here. But there will be others to play with in the US. And after that in Norway. And after that...

I feel we have three homes now.

I'll miss Christina, our host, and her family.



Here we all are: Christina, Lilly, and I, this past Thursday, in the village of Kouronos, at a church, celebrating Saint Fanourios. He is the saint that reveals all things that are lost and that people pray for to have returned, be it good health, a job; it can be big or small. He, with his generosity in helping to have such things found, revealed, is celebrated every year on August 27. Everybody bakes a special cake, a Fanouropita, which is brought to church in gratitude. Christina brought a cake baked by her mother-in-law, Flora. All the cakes are blessed by the priest and then everyone shares everybody's cake, after service. I returned home with heaps of cake.

After that, we went to the village of Argokiliotissa, where there is a church for the Virgin Mary, with a natural cave that climbs up, through the mountain, up to a beautiful scenic view of the ocean and the islands beyond. We went there, and, as in all the churches I've been to with Christina, she insists we light a candle for Lilly. So sweet.



We ended that morning with a visit to Christina's husband's uncle in the village of Atsipapi nearby where we had some of the cake they had made for Saint Fanourios, and some home made cherry juice. Lilly got a kick out of chasing their cat and kittens, and visiting with their donkey.

transitioning to fall

(On the path, along the creek, humorously referred to as the "Av. Captain George," on an early morning walk, in the shade of the early fall clouds, visiting the goats)

"All endings/changes are sad, even though they're also good," wrote a dear friend to me a few days ago. We feel it. Summer is nearing its end, fall is in the air. There's a cooler breeze, at night we put long sleeves and pants on, it gets dark early, the village is emptying out. We harvest egg plants and zucchinis (from our hosts...), no more tomatoes or cucumbers, the figs are ripe and yummy, we receive grapes from friends of our hosts.

Lilly's gotten onto a new routine, suddenly going to bed early (8 p.m.), and then up early (7 a.m.), shorter siestas (sleeps from noon till two or so). Leighton and I have begun to give each other an hour each in the morning to work, then an hour each in the afternoon to do what we want. In just one more week we'll be heading back to the US: then it's back to work. We'll be taking half days each working and being with Lilly.

I'll miss life here: how easy it is in the morning to open the door to our apartment and greet the day. Let Lilly out on our patio, to witness the sunrise (it's beautiful, right in front of us, the sun rises from the water, between six thirty and seven, see pics. in our Greece album), bleat the goats (BÆ!) that graze right below our apartment. In the mornings we go for walks along the path by the creek to say hi to more goats, and the chicken (also documented in the Greece album...). She loves the chicken. Down into the village, locals and tourists having their morning coffee (she loves the people). Or longer walks up into the mountains, more goats and sheep too to see there, or down to the beach, which is, these days, more exciting later in the day, when there begins to be at least somewhat of a crowd, kids building sand castles, playing in the water, or others playing peak a boo with her, or ping pong with each other.

(Watching the goats and sheep up along the country road)

But I also look forward to our house in Northfield, Bridge square, walks along the river, into the Arboretum, the vast prairie landscape, the college campuses, having more or other things to do with Lilly: errands to different kinds of stores, the playgrounds in Northfield, having a car (we'll be buying an old Volvo from friends, thanks you two!), access to urban civilization when we crave it (though it tends to overwhelm us fast: last Thursday we took the bus into Chora (Naxos town) to do some errands (Leighton needed another book, I needed new flip-flops, and we needed to stock up on more groceries), and we were all very relieved to get home again at the end of the day. Though we also had some good times there, walking through old market, out to the ruins of the Dionysus temple sanctuary, lunch nearby) and last but for sure not least: seeing friends and family. Can't wait to have real conversations with people we connect with, visit over bbqs and coffee, or at Bridge Square, or in a back yard, or a park, or a playground... I look forward to practicing yoga at Heartwork Yoga studio again.

A friend in Norway told me how she had to keep track, in a calendar, of all the various activities in a day, each week, to make sure she got all the "fillers" in that she needed for her own well being (time to read, to exercise, boyfriend-girlfriend time, friends time, time to bake, to cook, to really be with all of her children, not just watch them, etc.): I get that. And I look forward to in a sense have more to "pick" from, especially in terms of time with friends. Just me, with a friend, over coffee. Or a beer at the Cow. Anytime. Call me up.

When we left Northfield, Lilly was 6 weeks: life will be quite different now, there, with her. But somethings don't change all that much. And can be all the more appreciated for that reason.

So much to share about our life here. Last Sunday we were invited to a traditional Greek wedding in a nearby village (picts. in our Greece album), which was amazing. We've become quite familiar with our hosts, Christina and Steljos (who invited us to come along to the wedding; incidentally, the groom is the brother of Vangelis, Irini's husband, Irini being the one who cut Leighton's hair and who has three girls Lilly likes to play with, I've also become good friends with Irini and went into Chora the other day with them, to run errands), Christina's and Steljo's daughter Flora who's been here some days on vacation; she's 29, a graphic designer, getting married to George, whose parents live next door to Flora's aptartmens. We take part in their family affairs; Christina has had to return to Athens abruptly to tend to her mother, we miss her. I feel badly for her; I like talking with her.

And we enjoy having time to read: so far I've read Ryszard Kapuscinski's non-fiction narrative Reiser med Herodot (Travels with Herodotus) which my editor recommended to me (and I can see why; I think the form of this book would be a good one for mine as well), Tess Gerritsen's mystery novel The Sinner (I never cared much for mysteries, especially Scandinavian ones, though they're reputedly quite good, maybe it's the social context, feeling too claustrophobic since it's so all too familiar? I loved how this one placed me in Boston, a city I really enjoyed visiting, with women my age, issues I could relate to), and now I'm reading John Fowles' The Magus which Leighton had brought (supposedly a modern classic, set in Greece, in the fifties, it's a long novel, but now I'm into it). After finishing The Magus, Leighton read then The Sinner (which we actually borrowed from Christina, somebody had left it here, we were starved for more fiction, so that's how we first got into it), and is now halfway through another brick of a mystery: The Likeness by Tana French. He's also hooked (we're half wondering if this is somehow indicative of our mental capacities now, as sleep-deprived parents... Though that sounds kind of snobbish.)

I appreciate this segue of slowly transitioning back to fall routines, with sharp pencils, crisp air, hopefully we'll be back in Northfield in time to have some corn on the cob. Writing is scary business, I dread it and look forward to it, every day. Having this forced limited time, because of Lilly, how we share the responsibility, it's very helpful. I know, at least, if I struggle, it'll only be for so long. And then some days it flows, other days I struggle, but something works out, or I struggle more than I work it out, but in any case, I have something that's mine, and mine only, to return to. A space. A "room" of my own.


(Summer ain't quite over yet)


(And life is so good!)

blessed evening in Apollonas

August 5, 2009

It’s evening, almost ten thirty, Lilly’s in bed sleeping, Leighton just went in to lie down too. Now I get some time to myself, out on the patio. The moon is out, it looks full; I think Venus is out too, if indeed it is Venus, the bright shining star that comes up over the mountain every night. Our new neighbors, the Greek family with the baby girl, the boy (10 yrs.), and the girl (13 yrs.), are most likely out, eating dinner.

Christina took us up to see the family church this evening. She came by, just as we were finishing up supper, and asked, do you want to come along and see the church? We answered yes, and she said, take on some clothes and hurry, my mother-in-law is waiting in the car.

So we quickly put on some things and went with, drove up to where we had walked the other night, and now Flora opened the gates for us. To such beautiful places. I would like to go back there again, on my own, to sit still and take in the sacred space. The church, inside, is packed with Greek orthodox art, icons, given by friends, family, or others in the village or nearby villages who wanted to give something for a prayer. The church is dedicated to three saints, but their festival is in the winter, when Christina and her family is in Athens, so they have their annual church festivities in the summer, on August 6, during a festival for Maria. That would be tomorrow, but since Christina’s father-in-law is ill with Alzheimer, and had a stroke during this past Easter, they are not doing the celebration at the church this year (which she described to me as including everyone in the village coming up to enjoy sweets and scents, a priest attending to the ceremonial undertakings, a big party all in all). Flora walked around in and outside the church, burning incense, lighting candles in (olive?) oil. Christina described the various icons to us, who they had been given by, with their prayers and dedications.



Then we walked to down below the church to see some more of their land. They own all the land between their apartment complex close by the sea and up along the hill, to their church, quite a ways inland, up in the mountainside. They have beautiful olive trees, a vine grove, fig trees, cactus pear trees, and more. They used to keep a pig up there, and chicken. Now with Flora’s husband being so ill, everything is downscaled: no more pig, and the chicken has been moved down to next door (we got some of their eggs the other day).

While we were up there, we got to see dolphins, swimming out in the ocean, diving down and coming up again (for air?), so graceful, so dolphin-like! Apparently they come in to eat the white bait (small fish) that we got from Christina the other day. Adonis, the local fisherman, had fished those, and Christina thought he probably had the nets out for the same fish tonight, seeing those are the most plentiful fish to come by right now. And the dolphins come for the white bait. Adonis doesn’t like the dolphins, because they destroy the nets. But man, are the dolphins beautiful to look at! And to hear! It was our first time, for all of us, to see and hear them out in the wild like that. Amazing.



Flora picked some figs for us while we were up there, and also gave us some of the basilicum. How very fortunate we are.

about love and marriage and the slowness of time in Apollonas

I wrote in an earlier post about how Leighton and I worried we might end up feeling too on top of each other in such a small village as Apollonas, in a village sheltered by the mountains, on the north east side of Naxos, a beige sandy beach, very fine sand, beautiful, but quite different from the white expansive sandy beaches people, with their turquoise water bleeding into dark blue, that most typically associate with Naxos. These beaches are located just south of Naxos town (Chora), on the west side of the island. But we’ve actually found that the peace and quiet of the daily rhythm of life here has been good for us. It helps that Lilly’s two-to-four hour long siestas (typically from 2 – 5 p.m.) provide us with lazy afternoons to ourselves. We typically read on our patio, or talk, journal, sip on cold beer, or lie down and rest on the bed in the living room.

Whereas Leighton has struggled a little feeling bored with all this time we have here, I’m finding myself waking up from the so-called ammetåka (“nursing fog,” or, as I like to call it, having a “mush brain”). I can tell now how truly tired I’ve been, as the primary care taker of Lilly. It’s been so wonderful but also extremely intense.

One thing most people don’t talk much about is how boring the labor of love can be (I’ve only found Anne Lamott describe it, in her Operating Instructions). How one must make sure to activate oneself with daily tasks and activities. Go for a walk, run some errands, meet a friend for coffee, go to friends with babies same age or have them come to your home, take baby to a baby swimming class, or mommy and baby gym class. When Lilly approached the age of one (which she did on June 15), things got a little more challenging; she’d get bored more easily and would require more in terms of feeling stimulated to play and explore.

Days in Apollonas
So coming here to Greece has been wonderful for me; everything is so easy with her here!! We can go for little walks around the complex, meet and interact with people right here at or by our home, there’s the dog, Dick (a spaniel of some sort), and now there’s a family with young children next to us, the youngest four months younger than Lilly. Of course, Lilly seems to prefer their older soon, who’s 10 years. We can also go visit with Irini (the girl in the village who cuts hair; she came to our home and gave Leighton a haircut for 10 Euros, and that’s how we got to know her: she’s 28 like Leighton and has three girls: Marina 4 yrs., Maria 2 yrs., and Nelfini 5 mos.). We have a quick three-minute walk down to the beach where we can walk along the edge and into the water, play with other kids (she loves watching how bigger boys make sand castles), play in the sand with her bucket and spade, or in the mud by the water, finding rocks, or playing in the water. She loves jumping up and down in it while I sing hoppe sa gåsa, danse sa reven, så hopper vi, så danser vi, så faller vi ned, og en-to-tre, opp og ned, opp og ned, opp og ned (“jump said the goose, dance said the fox, then we jump, then we dance, and then we fall down, and one, two, three: up and down, up and down, up and down”), or when I swing her from side to side in the water, singing ro, ro, ro din båt (“row, row, row your boat”).

For errands, we can go to the little mini-market (which is closed in the winter). There’s nothing of interest to us in the two tourist shops, but sometimes we get fresh soft goat cheese from Sofia who runs one of them (the other night, we saw her husband milk their goats, by hand, up in the mountains). Or we go to the butcher, Giorgio, to buy his hard goat cheese (we’ve also tried his pork meat, but not his goat meat); he’s in his shop from around eleven till noon. I asked Christina if anyone sells chicken; she explained that just a few years ago, the people here would keep chicken and goats and more, but now they are old, can’t keep up with the work, instead they help their family who come in during the summer to do business on tourism (I do find this a little sad). There’s no bakery (or bank, post, pharmacy, or other typical shops; also no laundry service, so the other day I had to do a big load by hand, in the big basin-like-bucket we got for this purpose, and hang outside to dry; really made me appreciate the work women have put into this labor for millennia), but at noon the baker Petro comes into the village with his van stocked up with freshly baked bread (now in the summer he comes every day, in the winter only three days a week). We typically get some every day; it’s quite the experience, standing there with all the old women, crowding together for bread. There is a school, for children ages six to twelve or so; next year it’ll house about 10 children, total. That’s a big up from a few years ago when there were years with just one or two. Apparently, in the fifties and sixties, people left this village for Athens, to find work, five out of ten million people (the population in Greece) live in Athens, but now many are coming back to the land of their ancestors, perhaps they’re seeking a simpler way of living, the way Leighton and I are too.

Since Leighton and I take turns giving each other an hour in the morning to work, I also have more frequent and dependable time to myself. And then of course plenty of time while Lilly sleeps in the afternoon to rest and read. And be with Leighton. In the evenings, we all go for walks, it’s cool enough by then to walk up in the mountains, and so beautiful.


(Anne and Lilly, out on an evening walk, up by the Kouros)


(Leighton and Lilly, up in the mountains)

For Leighton, on the other hand, the change has been from long days to himself at the Ibsen center or the University library (leaving home around 8:30 a.m., returning at either 5 or 5:30 p.m.), reading, writing, attending seminars and lectures, except for some mornings when he’d be home with Lilly while I went to the gym. Lilly would go to bed earlier in Norway than here (more like 7 p.m. as opposed to 9:30 p.m.), so he’d have evenings to read or watch a movie or a show (while I would often be busy putty Lilly to bed or going back in to comfort her).

Relationship
There are gains for Leighton too, however, in being here. A big one is that I now have more time and energy to talk with him. For us to talk. When he approached me this past winter to talk through some of the many things he was going through (becoming a dad, moving to a new country with a foreign language, not having any friends, the dissatisfaction with his graduate school program (Master in Ibsen studies), homesickness for friends and life in the US, among other), I had to tell him I simply couldn’t do it. I was too tired at the end of the day to give him much at all. That made him feel hurt, and me feel sad.

So for us as a couple it’s been amazing to have this time to reconnect, with me somewhat recharged. I feel also that we’re now becoming more of the co-parents we’ll be in the US and Norway next year. Taking turns being with her. And when we’re both with her, it feels like we’re both taking our fair share attending to her needs. Of course, we’re in this new phase now because Lilly is ready for it too; in the beginning, she really did show a clear preference for my body, being comforted by me. There are still times where she prefers me for comfort, in particular at night, or when she’s very tired or out of it, but generally I feel she’s drawn to both of us for comfort and play, she loves papa and mama.

We’re also in this new phase because I’m ready to let go; while I realize I’ve had some resentment built up, feeling Leighton didn’t fully see how much laid on me last year, I also know that I haven’t been ready to let him enter that space I’ve had with Lilly till just recently. Our final month in Norway, between when he turned in his final paper May 22 and we moved here on June 25, was an awkward time of transition. As was our first couple of weeks here in Greece. We argued a lot, so much pent-up stuff that needed to get processed. It’s so good that we got to go through all of that. And now, also because I’m in a place where I can think beyond the daily care of Lilly, when we have time alone, we can actually talk, really talk, about things, big things, that we’re thinking about. Like what to do with our lives, how do we want to live them. What do we want to do, and where. We’re reminded of how connected we are in this way, how comforted and excited we are, talking with each other, soul mates, best friends, lovers, spouses, co-parents. Our love life has been blessed by renewed sparks this way too. Connecting us further. And who knows, maybe we’ll be able to conceive a little sibling for Lilly. While we’ve been here in Greece, we’ve come to the conclusion that we would love for her to have a sibling close in age.

Rhythm of life here
So the slow rhythm of life in Apollonas is very good for us, at least during this time in our life. We’re not following a very Greek way of doing things though; people here go to bed late (around midnight, children as well as adults), slow mornings (except for those with babies who wake early), some coffee and milk, then loud talk and play at home, swim and play at the beach, before a big meal between two and five, then dinner around ten. We, on the other hand, get up by eight, have breakfast, before one person gets to work for an hour, the other plays, go for visits, or walks with Lilly, maybe goes to the beach with her, or we all go together, before lunch around noon or one, then siesta, dinner around six, then walking and playing around home, going for a stroll in the village and/or the mountains, home for a snack, a bath for Lilly, then Lilly sleeps (after we’ve read Sjøvenner ("Sea friends") through and through, maybe played some dress-up (her new favorite game),


(All of us playing hat-dress-up)

given kisses to bamse (her favorite teddy bear, a pink one at that), and her stuffed animal dog, Eddy, and then if we’re lucky, Leighton and I get a final short hour to have a final glass of wine on our patio before we join her in bed and all sleep like babies. (A note on the wine here: the local wine of this area is very sweet, red, and very strong, more like a sherry. I asked Irini which island makes the best wine, between Naxos and Paros, and she, whose father is from here, while her mother is from Paros, answered that no doubt the wine in Paros is better (she added that the potatoes and cheeses here are better). Paros has the wineries in Naoussa (north on the island). She said it’s beautiful there, but we didn’t get to go. Christina has given us some local wine that is a bit too sweet and strong for our liking (though Christina doesn’t find it sweet and strong enough!). Fortunately, when we went to the supermarket in Naxos town, Chora, on Leighton’s birthday, when we went there to stock up, having a rental car for the day and all, we found some of the cheap, but decent wine from Paros, and we stocked up on that.

our big walker, Lilly

Here's Lilly walking, outside, on our deck, at Flora's apartments, in Apollonas. Hasn't she grown into quite the big girl? We're so proud of her and all her new steps and developments. Right now she's teething; she's gotten three more teeth while we've been here in Greece, a fourth is coming out now, suddenly they're all in a hurry to get out! Maybe the warm temperatures help? Or maybe it's just that time. Right now she's at home sleeping. She's taken to long siesta naps here in Apollonas, anywhere from two to four hours. I think the A/C in the bedroom, plus the dark shutters, help. The bed isn't too bad either. Then she goes to bed at night around 9:30 p.m. and Leighton and I follow shortly after. She still nurses throughout the night, and day, but the night nursing goes by pretty smoothly.

We all get up between 7:30 and 8 a.m. and have breakfast while Christina or Flora sweep the decks and paths. Mornings are my favorite, I love getting coffee going, fresh orange juice, some of the thick lush yoghurt, fresh fruit, musli. We also have Greek honey, bread and jam. Lilly sometimes likes to eat some banana, today she had quite a bit of yoghurt, but typically she prefers nursing in the morning, then will eat quite a bit of bread around 9:30 a.m., accompanied by big sips of water, and then some fruit (peach or tomato) a little after that. After bread, I'd definitely say that tomatoes are her favorite food.

Speaking about foods, Lilly's really into helping herself with a spoon and plate now. I made lentils a little back, and Lilly was so happy to be able to sit on the floor with a little saucer with lentils on it, and feeding herself with her little spoon. I love that it's so easy to clean up a mess down here! Marble floors are the creation of a genius. She definitely likes to be able to sit on one of the stools, between Leighton and I, by the counter, eating meals, as opposed to the high chair we had for her in Norway. At lunch, she'll reach out for bits of tomato, bell pepper, cucumber, bread, ham, turkey, or cheese. She's a big girl now and wants to have that be known and shown.

Leighton and I can definitely see why it'd be good to have a sibling close in age to your child; Lilly much prefers being at the beach when there are other kids there who want to play with her. She also loves interacting with adults too, but as it is, we're kind of at the mercy of chance (who's at the beach when we're there and will they be up for playing with Lilly?).

There are days we don't go to the beach at all, and even when we do, it's only for a couple of hours or so. With our home being so nice, the water so close by, and nature being so spectacular up there, we also like to hang out at home a lot. Lilly loves walking around on the paths in the garden, climbing stairs, talking with Christina (who also speaks English) or Flora or Steljos (who only speak Greek, but Lilly's become quite the Greek talker herself, "Jasso" ('hei'), and "Kala" ('good'). And then of course, it's their dog, Dick. He's only five years old, but quite the patient one with her.