Lilly's new thing

body politics

I've always been a hugger and I love cuddling, one of my most favorite things is having Leighton play with my hair and massage my head. So I love nursing Lilly, the breastfeeding bond, her body snuggling up to me at night, one foot over my hip, a hand on my arm. But it does get intense at times. Lilly's in a new phase of heightened exploration these days, which in turn is making her ever more needy for mama. I am as a result growing a new appreciation for working out at the gym. The sensation of how the muscles work, the bones grinding, being in my own space, isolated from all the others, protected by the music on my ipod. It's heaven to me. For a good hour or so, I can feel like I am my own self.

Leighton will be home with Lilly two mornings per week this semester. There are two good things about that for me: I get time to write, think, be "in it again," and I get time to go to the gym.

This week, for the very first time as a mama, I'm attending a party without Lilly; a new year's celebration at the Center for Gender Research from four to six p.m., appropriately nerdy for someone like me.

Then on Sunday, Leighton and I get to go out for the first time, without Lilly. I'm anxious, excited, and nervous about it all. My friend Helene will watch Lilly around her noon nap and hopefully things will go fine when Lilly wakes up without me there. She's very attached to "bamse" and always happy to see him when she wakes up, -- we'll see. Those few times I've been away so far (a few times at the gym, one meeting with the editor, and one haircut), Leighton's been with her. I think I'm ready. I know I crave it.

update: So we had our first date without Lilly on Sunday. After angsting about it for days, wondering how best to do it, I was close to canceling when I faced the day with a bad cold and after a sleepless night up with Lilly. But we did it. This is what we did: Helene came here, then we all took the bus down to Majorstua. Lilly sat on Helene's lap and was just happy as can be. Then they went for a walk, Helene talked to her and sang for her, Lilly also slept for a little bit. In the meantime, Leighton and I had lunch at a cafe nearby. I was able to enjoy myself for at least a part of the date, then all I could think of was Lilly. I lasted for about an hour. Still, it's a milestone. Now I know she can be in the care of somebody else for an hour or two while Leighton and I can have some boyfriend-girlfriend time. That feels good.

Rex and Red--Rex og Rød

When we were waiting for Lilly those last few weeks before the birth, I thought it would be fun to write a children's book. I did write the story but never got around to drawing the pictures; the project got pushed aside after Lilly was born. Recently I thought maybe it would be fun to translate the story into Norwegian. Anne helped of course, and below is what we worked out together. Perhaps sometime I'll get around to illustrating it.


Once upon a time there lived a little dinosaur named Rex and a robot named Red.
Det var en gang en liten dinosaur som hette Rex og en robot som hette Rød.

In the whole wide world there was not another Robot with whom Red could be friends, and Rex was the only little dinosaur for many miles.
I hele den vide verden var det ikke en eneste annen robot som Rød kunne være venn med, og Rex var den eneste lille dinosauren på mange mil.

Though they were very, very different, Red and Rex tried to become friends.
Selv om de var veldig, veldig forskjellige, prøvde Rød og Rex å bli venner.

But they couldn’t be friends because they couldn’t find anything to do together…
Men de kunne ikke være venner, for de kunne ikke finne noe som helst å gjøre sammen...

They couldn’t play chase in the great forest because Red couldn’t jump over fallen trees.
De kunne ikke leke sisten i den store skogen, for Rød kunne ikke hoppe over trær som hadde falt over ende.

They couldn’t play math games because Rex had only six fingers on which he could count.
De kunne ikke spille matte-spill, for Rex hadde bare seks fingre å telle med.

They couldn’t eat snacks together because Red didn’t have a stomach.
De kunne ikke spise matpakke sammen, for Rød hadde ikke noen mage.

They couldn’t cross the great river or play out in the rain because Red would get all wet and rusty.
De kunne ikke krysse den store elven eller leke ute i regnet, for Rød ville blitt helt våt og rusten.

There were many, many things that Red and Rex couldn’t do together.
Det var mange, mange ting som Rød og Rex ikke kunne gjøre sammen.

The years went by like this, trying to find any which way to be good friends. Then came the day that Rex passed away.
Og slik gikk årene med mens Rød og Rex prøvde å finne noe å gjøre sammen så de kunne være gode venner. Så kom den dagen da Rex sovnet inn.

It was then that Red looked back on all the great times he had, with the greatest friend he ever had… Rex.
Det var da Rød husket alt det morsomme som han hadde gjort, med den beste vennen han noensinne hadde hatt… Rex.

“Goodbye, Rex. I miss you, Rex.”
“Ha det, Rex. Jeg savner deg, Rex.”